The Oscar's Best Dressed 2009!

DAHLINGS -

Naturally by now I've seen all of the other Best and Worst Dressed lists, and I refuse to be swayed by the opinions of others. Here is your faithful correspondent's list of Oscar's Best Dressed, as the common folk like to phrase it.

TINA FEY

She may not be a movie star (yet), but this young woman led the pack by a mile in a classic retro-styled silver glamour gown that fit perfectly and reminded one of a brunette Carole Lombard. Brava, diva! Please let me know who made this dress!

QUEEN LATIFAH

As I wrote earlier, the Queen ruled in deep, rich blue crystal-trimmed Georges Chakra.

JENNIFER ANISTON

She confounded the Brangelina crowd by appearing healthy and happy in Valentino Couture, accompanied by companion Josh Mayer (who had made a side-splitting appearance on the final Conan O'Brian programme).

Take that, tabloids!

VIOLA DAVIS

I am astonished that Reem Acra could actually make such a stunning dress for a curvaceous actress. Dazzling, glamorous, MOVIE STAR!

MERYL STREEP

An actress in the prime of life in a perfectly draped matte gray dress by Ferretti. Good taste personified.

MELISSA LEO

This may seem like an unusual choice, but as with the Worst Dressed, in a sea of safety, she chose to dress with individuality. In this case, it worked. Melissa's copper-colored dropwaist gown complimented both her hair and skin.

(Note: the night before, she won the Independent Spirit Award in a lovely flowing gown--but then, almost everyone looked far better at the Independent Spirit Awards.)

It may seem like a short list, but your faithful correspondent feels that she has made her opinions known in previous posts (and to be honest, menswear does not interest me in the least).

Off for a long, hot scented bath. I do worry that after these critiques, my dear friend Sarah Jessica Parker will cease making me her special secret scented soap! But one must be true to oneself, ne c'est pas?

Speaking of which, for another excellently unbiased look at what the red carpet had to offer to true tomatoes and cherry tomatoes, read The Three Tomatoes Red Carpet Review! http://www.thethreetomatoes.com/reviews.html.

I'm certain Sarah Jessica Parker won't be making special scented soap for them, but it did make me laugh!

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

The Oscar's Worst Dressed 2009

DAHLINGS -

Last night, while we were watching the Academy Awards red carpet coverage, it seemed that a swarm of skinny women in white, cream or gray dresses were wondering around. When the female announcer said "Every woman looks gorgeous," my male companion added, "And the same." Yes, it may be true that fashion inspiration is as dead as a doornail when it comes to award ceremonies (most of the actresses looked like Movie Star In A Box, in your favorite choice of colors: Natalie Portman in pink, Angelina Jolie in black, blah, blah, blah) as least these brave women dared to crash and burn.


Oscar's Worst Dressed can be broken down into categories. The first is

Night Of The Living Dead

Exemplified by fleshless cadaverous actresses, preferably with no color in their faces. Anne Hathaway, despite her talent, leads the pack for this honor, in Armani Prive:


Anne, unless your next role is a Holocaust victim, eat a croissant! I'm certain you haven't had a period in two years!

Evan Rachel Wood is a close second in Elie Saab--when will the woman get a clue and wear some COLOR?




I have no idea who this young woman is, but she fits right in, terrifyingly enough:



One shoulder--time for a glass of--oh, damn, that was last night. How does this girl have the strength to stand?

And of course, Nicole Kidman, who looks understandably peeved about the foliage sprouting around her decolletage:



To finish this category (sorry, the phrase "round out" does not fit), Melissa George:

Lesson, children: One should never wear a dress that makes one look like a pencil stuck in a toilet tissue.

Our next category is

No Taste Whatsoever

Which some actresses go in and out of at whim. My top candidate is Miley Cyrus, whose gown is virtually beyond my descriptive powers. My first thought was that she looked like she was trying to escape from a giant tropical plant trying to devour her, but really, the petal edges look more like mold. TOO MUCH DRESS!





Tilda Swinton marches to a different drummer, in this case Lanvin, right off the cliff:



GACK.


Sophia Loren is a goddess...or used to be. Sophia, Sophia, what happened? Why are you wearing a too-fussy ruffled gown that is the same color as your spray-on tan and your hair?? That gown looks right out of a bad Western movie, with you playing the madame of a bordello. (In fact, back in the 1960s they often had Italian women playing parts like that in Westerns--it was an odd phase. Could it be that Sophia is feeling nostalgia for Sergio Leone?)



And it is a major mistake to stand next to the elegant Meryl Streep, in beautifully draped gray gown and tastefully bared shoulders.





The final category might as well be called

FOLIE AU DRESS

Many of them have already been shown in my previous posts, but a few got under the wire. First we have the widely-reviled Jessica Biel, who could gave escaped a great deal of grief by running some oatmeal through her hair prior to leaving the mansion. The strange cloth contraption on the front of her gown looks as though she might be carrying a spare set of breasts. Or perhaps to put some hors de'oevres in to munch on during the endless broadcast.

Is it moi, or has Beyonce been wearing the same dress to every event for the past two years? Only the colors and the textures change. Really, the photographers don't have to bother with live snaps anymore. You could take a photo of Beyonce and run it through Photoshop, changing the colors to whatever occasion she shows up for.

Unlike others, your faithful correspondent does not believe this is a bad dress. It's just the same dress.

Oh, well, at least it wasn't white.

While there is something to be said for a woman her age being able to wear this dress at all, and at least she didn't look insane for a change, Sharon Stone might want wanted to think twice before baring everything:

Lovely nipples, Sharon, but one could have done without knowing exactly what they look like. Was the sex shop out of pasties?

That is it for now. Stay tuned for my Best Dressed!

Ciao, Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

The Oscars Drone On...Does Anyone Still Think Heath Ledger Won't Win?

DAHLINGS -

While I was upbraiding the chef, Jerry Lewis received the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award and according to one of my guests, "nearly lost it." Now they are doing the Dead People part. How that accursed chef could think I wouldn't spot pigs in blankets is beyond me...

To nobody's surprise, Heath Ledger won Best Supporting Actor. Yawn. Yes, I know he's dead, but that movie was simply too unnerving, and I thought that Dennis Hopper was just as good in "Speed". But then, I am quite used to being in the minority.

Also to nobody's surprise, "Slumdog Millionaire" is sweeping the other awards, all of those funny ones that I don't pay attention to. Most of my guests (and my male companion) are extremely drunk and hoping that Mickey Rourke wins Best Actor. I feel so terrible that he lost his beloved dog! (I think that explains his choice of wardrobe--out of his mind with grief.)


Only a true animal lover can understand his pain, right, Bucky? And no, you can't have a chocolate cupcake, I can't have you making sick on the Aubusson.

Oh my God, what IS Reese Witherspoon wearing? And that eye makeup? Is she playing the cobalt version of Vampira? Oh, dear, someone gave their stylist the night off!



With that nightmarish vision in my head, I bid you all good night.

Oh, wait--how beautiful Kate Winslet looks crying onstage! Of course, she looks beautiful doing anything.

Mon Dieu!

Sean Penn won for "Milk"! Hooray! I am sorry for Mickey Rourke, but what a magnificent speech Sean gave. The perfect antidote to Reese Witherspoon.

I am going off to bed. Tomorrow I will give you my Best and Worst Dressed.


Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog