Curvy Vintage Swimsuits For REAL Women!

DAHLINGS -

I am sitting here on a balmy summer evening, listening to the ocean crash against the beach at my beautiful (featured in Architectural Digest) oceanfront mansion, a cold glass of gin and tonic in my perfectly manicured hand. My guests have gone back to New York, Los Angeles, Paris...What could be better?

Well, it would be even better if I didn't have my back to the ocean, dictating this to my idiotic personal assistant--

NO, YOU CANNOT HAVE A DRINK! YOU CAN HAVE SOME SODA AFTER YOU ARE FINISHED WORKING! IF INDEED YOU EVER DO.

Oh, mon dieu, the thing has started crying.

(There will be a brief pause, while the maid fetches some tissues.) Here, have a sip of my drink, it will make you feel better. But spellcheck RIGOROUSLY when we are finished.

Lumpkin.

In any event, this marvelous weather, the sand between my toes, my shapely form displayed to all in a magnificent vintage Rose Marie Reid bathing suit, had me thinking that I should offer you, mes enfants, some suits to summer in (and to take to resorts during the cold weather)! They are all L or XL. After all, why should I be the only one splendid at poolside? Besides, you'll never be important enough to visit the resorts I spend my time in with the rich and famous.

First, we have a feminine confection from Gabar New York, courtesy of Saks Fifth Avenue. It has a sarong skirt, and like all of the suits, adjustable back button staps, metal zippers and back elastic inserts. Not to mention a boned bodice and green corded trim. You'll be quite the siren in this floral lovely!




Forgive the color variations, my assistant took the photos. Next we have a delightful pleated shelf bust skirted suit in nylon taffeta, made in Hawaii for B. Altman & Co.



Oh mon Seigneur doux dans le Ciel! It has already sold with the Buy It Now feature, and was only listed last night! Well, gaze upon it and weep.

Later this week, I will be listing this suit from B. Altman & Company, also XL, in 100% cotton, with a petal shaped skirt and attached panties, in a lovely black floral. The inside actually has a tummy control panel, as well as a back metal zipper.



Finally, this is not, strictly speaking, a swimsuit. It is vintage 60s cotton romper, in sweet pastel stripes, 100% cotton with a full white cotton lining, also XL. It has charming double cord straps, a back metal zipper, and boy legs.



If you want to be cool, comfortable and fashionable this August, these are for vous. Now to return to my deck and if this is not perfectly spelled, there will be hell to pay.

You think she'd be grateful for the free room and board, wouldn't you? Some people don't know when they have it bon.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

When Bad Fashion Happens To Good People

DAHLINGS -

I was leafing through Vogue, the "Age Issue," as they call it. While I myself have absolutely no idea of my chronological age (through circumstances I have explained in this very blog-thing), it's an interesting read. Who knew the world's chicest 52-year-old is a tycoon who makes Chicken Tenders for Burger King and other health-destroying foods? Of course, she herself dines on spinach salad...let the poor folk have the cholestorol.

In any event, I was thinking about age-appropriate wear, whatever that term may mean. When I was last in New York City, I could not but notice how many women are wearing tops that are meant to look too tight, especially in the stomach area. These are worn with low-rise pants or skirts riding the hips. It's bad enough on young girls, but women over 25...words fail one. Noises, yes, words, no. Bleagh.

No, don't put that in, you idiot! Nonverbal communication is just that, nonverbal, and has no place in my blog-thing!

I tell you, as soon as I get a computer that can type itself, my personal assistant is gone.

Pardonnez moi. Back on topic. That train of thought led me to a dear friend who, alas, is somewhat taste-challenged when it comes to her wardrobe. Although she is well past forty and quite plump, she enjoys wearing camisoles with contrasting bras and low-rise jeans. More power to her, I think, trying not to look at the lumps of flesh oozing over her waistband--or hipband, more to the point. After all, I am a plus-sized female and therefore should support a woman's right to ooze.

However, the piece de' resistance was a golden gown she purchased while traveling, custom-made, mind you. She rhapsodized about it, making certain that I knew exactly the astronomical amount of money it was costing (this is another trait I generously try to overlook). Apparently it was a masterpiece of the dressmaker's art, in fine Italian satin. I couldn't wait to see it. What woman doesn't love gold?

I should have waited.

I went to her country estate, she flung upon the armoire, and there, mes enfants, hung a dress that would not have been out of place on the clearance rack at J.C. Penny's after prom season. It was gold, sleeveless, with a gaudy, huge rhinestone triangle just under the plunging neckline. With a false smile of admiration, I asked to examine it (what can I say, years as a clothing seller has made me a bit compulsive.) As is my habit, I opened the neckline to look inside at the seams.

As I touched the fabric, a shock went through me.

The fine Italian satin, that had cost thousands of dollars...

was polyester.

I had not the heart to tell my bosom chum. Why burst her bubble, when she was so delighted? Why tell her that the seamstresses knew they had a rich American for the taking?

More to the point, why hadn't she taken me along? I would have led her down the path of Fashion In The True Sense, where silk is silk and not something made out of plastic.

But one must let people make their own mistakes--

So you can gloat about them later.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

A Largely Ignored Fashion Phenomenon...

DAHLINGS -

Forgive my long absence. I have been simply swamped by houseguests at my fabulous (featured in Architectural Digest) oceanfront mansion! The rain on Monday meant everyone was trapped inside the house, which, magnificent though it is, can feel a tad claustrophobic when you have twelve fashion movers and shakers with nothing to do but drink Cape Cods and argue about what exactly constitutes a maxi-dress.

I checked over on (ugh) Ebay, to find a heated debate about a lovely 1950s Anne Kaufmann dress, and one seller commented at length. She/he/it said it was a "skinny girl dress," and ah, that brought back memories! So I thought I would do a little Internet digging and give you the straight skinny, pardon the execrable pun.

Skinny Girl Dresses were a largely ignored though widespread fashion phenomenon. Expressly made for Audrey Hepburn impersonators, they combined fashion with comfort, as the clacking of all of those fragile bones made for distracting noise when a Skinny Girl walked down the street. The wide scoop necklines revealed bony clavicles, while the full skirts concealed both the knobby knees or the more unfortunate "thick leg syndrome" which afflicted roughly one in 200 Skinny Girls.

There is a website, SKG dot com, which always says "under construction" but if you click the almost invisible wisp of gray against the white background (a symbol of Skinny Girlhood) it will take you into the site.

However, the site can accurately guess your body mass index by the touch of your hands on the keyboard, so if it's more than 0.01% body fat you will be locked out.

Back to my guests..."Mad Men" is over and they're back to arguing whether or not the leading man's haircut is authentic enough.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog