Anne Hathaway: Is It Live Or Is It Memorex?

DAHLINGS -



Sorry for the dated title, but to be honest, nothing else came quite as close to the mark. In my inbox this afternoon was a promo for Anne Hathaway's cover for Vogue. I am always fascinated by how photo-retouchers are able to turn real women into strange wax replicas of themselves. (I am also fascinated how real women can turn themselves into strange wax replicas, pace Courteney Cox).





Herewith are the photos:

Naturally, my favorite cover line is the one about "Natural Beauty That Delivers." Vogue would not know natural beauty if they tripped over it on their way to the loo.



I mean, really. Of course every thin young actress since 1975 has had to pose as Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly. One thinks it's a clause in their contracts.

But that is not my point. Most of us are aware how heavily manipulated the images are that bombard us daily. However, did you know that a special CGI artist was employed on Sex And The City II to fill in the lack of flesh of Sarah Jessica Parker's bony hands? (My source is quite reliable.) Before the inevitable onslaught of comments accusing me of being negative about extreme thinness, I am writing this about ALL actresses and actors of all sizes and ages.

There are far too many stories of that nature. In this digital age, it is truly an outrage that virtually no public image is the image of what is actually there.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky The Wonderdog

Golden Globes 2009: MY Worst Dressed!

DAHLINGS -

I realize that some of my choices will go against the popular grain, but one must be true to oneself, n'cest pas? Some are based not only on the gowns, but the overall presentation as well, which may also be against the popular grain.

First, however, the overwhelming favorite for Worst Dressed At the Golden Globes:
Renee Zellwegger.

She went to her favorite designer, Carolina Herrera.
What on EARTH were they thinking? This looks like an unfinished project on Project Runway! There's the shapeless muslin underbodice (in close-up you can see the stitching that holds it to the skirt); the visible back zipper at the waist; the badly bungled sheer sleeves; the skirt would be all right if the top was not so ill-conceived. The underbodice might even have worked if it had been in a solid color, say indigo blue. One does not like to use the word disaster, because Hurricane Katrina was a disaster. This is merely a very ugly dress. As for Renee's hair, well, it might have worked with something a little less...awful.

Marisa Tomei will not be on this list because at least she was wearing something comfortable and true to herself amidst a bobbing pond of safety.

Anne Hathaway

This brilliant young actress made many Best Dressed lists in this navy Armani gown, but her gaunt appearance is so off-putting, and the dress seems too heavy and to only highlight the fact that she is badly in need of some decent meals. One does hope she is not going the way of Audrey Hepburn, who in her later years wore dresses like this and showed the sharpest collarbones this side of a Wusthof chef's knife.

Olivia Wilde and Eva Longoria

Again, two frighteningly razor-thin actresses who made many of the Best Dressed Lists. The House co-star Wilde opts to go for a fluffy skirt in a dress by Reem Acra, which makes her look like one of those dolls they used to put over toilet paper rolls. (However, on the show she does play a character who might be dieing, so perhaps the producers have put her on reduced rations. Jennifer Morrison, her co-star, looked smashing and quite healthy.)

Eva Longoria also chose Reem Acra for the red carpet, in a mermaid style. One critic said Eva's gown looked as though it had as many Botox treatments as the actress herself; I could not have put it better. Ladies, cover up those stick-like arms!

So that is my list. It might seem a tad short, but so many stars opted for dull over anything else. White, off-white, cream, gray, flesh, champagne...one could get narcolepsy just browsing the photos.

Beyonce looked very nice, even if her body tape showed in many photographs, and Christina Hendrix (Mad Men) showed off her smashing figure in the lovely black number:

I have a slight quibble with how rumpled the neckline looks, but one must keep an open mind.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Just In Time For The Holidays - A NEW Venue!

DAHLINGS -'

I'm extending my global reach yet again, with yet another fine shop! You might call it an outgrowth of my flagship store, The Mad Fashionista's Plus Size Boutique on Specialist Auctions.

This is The Mad Fashionista's Plus Size Boutique on Fashiondig, where the elite meet to spend money, even in the recession. Their approach is different from both SA and (ugh) Ebay in that they do the packing and shipping. Since my assistant is completely inept at both (have you ever seen a young woman break down in tears because her hands are wrapped in packing tape?) this will take some of the burden off of my perfectly formed shoulders.

Here are some lavish delights I have listed there so far, custom-made for a tall, buxom, elegant woman (like moi) in the 1950s and 1960s:


Sheared Honey Beaver Ski Jacket, XXL Tall, Near Mint!


Dazzling Gold Silk Jacquard Wiggle Dress with Matching Jacket, XL, Mint!

In addition, this beautiful beaded black and silver gown by Jovani from the 1980s:


And this super-chic Audrey Hepburn-style 50s fur felt velour platter hat by Best & Company!


Simply click on this blog entry's title to be taken to my new store! It is a shame this is the Internet, otherwise I would be there to greet you with a glass of champagne. But do go take a look round and pretend I am there, that will take away some of pain.

Happy shopping!

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

A Largely Ignored Fashion Phenomenon...

DAHLINGS -

Forgive my long absence. I have been simply swamped by houseguests at my fabulous (featured in Architectural Digest) oceanfront mansion! The rain on Monday meant everyone was trapped inside the house, which, magnificent though it is, can feel a tad claustrophobic when you have twelve fashion movers and shakers with nothing to do but drink Cape Cods and argue about what exactly constitutes a maxi-dress.

I checked over on (ugh) Ebay, to find a heated debate about a lovely 1950s Anne Kaufmann dress, and one seller commented at length. She/he/it said it was a "skinny girl dress," and ah, that brought back memories! So I thought I would do a little Internet digging and give you the straight skinny, pardon the execrable pun.

Skinny Girl Dresses were a largely ignored though widespread fashion phenomenon. Expressly made for Audrey Hepburn impersonators, they combined fashion with comfort, as the clacking of all of those fragile bones made for distracting noise when a Skinny Girl walked down the street. The wide scoop necklines revealed bony clavicles, while the full skirts concealed both the knobby knees or the more unfortunate "thick leg syndrome" which afflicted roughly one in 200 Skinny Girls.

There is a website, SKG dot com, which always says "under construction" but if you click the almost invisible wisp of gray against the white background (a symbol of Skinny Girlhood) it will take you into the site.

However, the site can accurately guess your body mass index by the touch of your hands on the keyboard, so if it's more than 0.01% body fat you will be locked out.

Back to my guests..."Mad Men" is over and they're back to arguing whether or not the leading man's haircut is authentic enough.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

The Oscars On (And Off) Ebay!

DAHLINGS -

Sorry to have been away, but Chris Noth...well, let's merely say he's remarkably energetic and leave it at that. Poor Bucky had to be locked out of the bedroom for two days, but Chris felt it would be altogether too bizarre to be stared at by a dog. No matter how small.

In any event, I'm back. Rather tired and a bit cramped, but back.

So many CRIMES AGAINST FASHION were committed during the Academy Awards (Jack Nicholson's head alone will wake me screaming in the night for months to come), that I felt compelled to display some, er, alternatives from my fellow sellers on and off Ebay. Most of them are on Ebay, poor things. My heart goes out to them. But they are all wonderful, honest sellers and you should buy their clothes.

NOW.

There was a great deal of discussion about how ANYTHING would have looked better on Nicole Kidman than that hideous Balenciaga goiter dress. Funkoma Vintage had this dress, saying even THIS would look better:



Funkoma Vintage

I quite agree--just about anything would, and these sort of little 80s things are ever so fashionable now. If, like me, you liked Kelly Preston's leopard dress, here is a vintage latticed-back take on it, sold by the lovely USMCMars. It is a size Large, with a 39 inch bust:



Vintage Clothing From USMCMars


Of course, one has to wear gold sequins on Oscar night to look paparazzi-perfect! Underwood Estates has this size 4 open-back bombshell in her store, Views of Vintage:



Underwood Estates Views of Vintage


If one is going to wear a dress like that, accessories are KEY, and this beautiful vintage bag from Marie92001 is just the ticket. It's a vintage Ingber purse, even trimmed with rhinestones for that extra touch of sparkle:


http://cgi.ebay.com/Vintage-50s-60s-GOLD-Rhinestone-INGBER-Purse_W0QQitemZ270094130578QQihZ017QQcategoryZ74966QQtcZphotoQQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Speaking of gold, this would look simply stunning on Halle Berry, wouldn't it? This is for sale at www.borntoolatevintage.com:



And as every woman knows, you can't go wrong with a black dress...unless you're Meryl Streep at the actual Oscars (shudder). This exquisite 1930s lace dress is for sale at www.figure8studio.com :



These vintage 50s shoes, being sold by Ebay seller WVATumbleweed, would be excellent with a black sheath, and even though they are vintage, they are a size NINE! And made of black mesh and fabric with kitten heels:



http://cgi.ebay.com/Sassy-Spring-vintage-Blk-mesh-50s-kitten-heels-shoes-9_W0QQitemZ300085121228QQihZ020QQcategoryZ74980QQtcZphotoQQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

For those who like simplicity with style (and who doesn't?) Ebay seller freshbloominclothing has this black sequined stunner, in a marvelous size 18, quite in the spirit of Jennifer Hudson (sans strange reptile jacket):



Fresh Bloomin Clothing


And speaking of style, it is hard to top this incredible silk Ceil Chapman dress, offered on Ebay by Dorotheascloset. It has an amazing draped bustline, with swags that go below the hemline in the front, and is a size Medium to Large. This would have looked so much prettier on Jessica Biel than that awful neon thing she wore:



Dorotheas Closet

Couldn't you just ROLL in that purple? (I know Bucky would like to.) There were many strapless dresses at the Academy Awards, including Patricia Fields (gack). However, for those that did not care for Jennifer's Hudson's brown dress, here is a Mike Benet vintage chiffon masterpiece, up for auction by flashbak58, with a 40 inch bust:


Flashback 58 Bombshell Frocks

Another dazzling confection is this grand 60s vintage ballgown, being sold by my dear friend and mentor, andapanda-rlf (yes, I know it's a strange name, but it has some inner meaning). It is in heavy satin, with a deep V-back topped with a bow and a bustle. Perfect for the Red Carpet!




andapanda's Vintage Clothing

Most fashion shows finish with a bridal gown, but this is MY fashion show, dahlings. So instead, to finish with a flourish, this is a simply stunning Emma Domb column gown. From the front it is a simple wool crepe Audrey Hepburn-style dress (although with a 38 inch bust poor Audrey would have drowned in it--but at least the high front neckline would have concealed her collarbones!). But in the back are two long columns, sewn on the outside so that they sail outward when you walk! Another Red Carpet moment! For sale by my dear, dear friend Maureen at www.vintagegrace.com:




I'll be back with more of my own pretties in a day or two. In the meantime, I'm going to tell my assistant that if Chris calls, I'm busy. A girl needs her beauty sleep, after all.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Further Thoughts On Project Runway (Plus Today's Fashion Tip!)

It behooves me, dear readers and seekers of Fashion in the True Sense, to enlighten you as to what I thought was the greatest Crime Against Fashion committed during that hideous television program "Project Runway."

The necklines. Plunging necklines, with nothing to plunge under them! The clavicles, my God, the clavicles! The models were stick figures with the boniest clavicles since Audrey Hepburn (yes, yes, I know she had great style and a lovely accent and every teenage girl who doesn't want to grow breasts adores her).

But dahlings, in later life Audrey CONTINUED to appear in strapless gowns, with collarbones larger than cricket bats! Did the woman have her mirror smeared with Vaseline?? What sort of an example to set is THAT?

As my dear dead friend Lana Turner told me, "It's better to have big Bazooms, because you can always buy a push-up bra." Yes, her phrasing was common, but it was SINCERE. From the heart. A no longer beating heart, true, but a heart nonetheless. (I didn't bother to enlighten dearest Lana on the latest surgical techniques, it might have gotten her upset and she would have vanished into the hereafter.)

Au reviour,

Elisa and Bucky The Wonderdog

Today's Fashion Tip:
Cowboy boots are being worn by women in large metropolitan cities in the Northeast, often with short flirty skirts. Bear in mind: unless you are under 18, you will look less like Daisy Duke and more like Daisy Duck.