The Oscars On (And Off) Ebay!

DAHLINGS -

Sorry to have been away, but Chris Noth...well, let's merely say he's remarkably energetic and leave it at that. Poor Bucky had to be locked out of the bedroom for two days, but Chris felt it would be altogether too bizarre to be stared at by a dog. No matter how small.

In any event, I'm back. Rather tired and a bit cramped, but back.

So many CRIMES AGAINST FASHION were committed during the Academy Awards (Jack Nicholson's head alone will wake me screaming in the night for months to come), that I felt compelled to display some, er, alternatives from my fellow sellers on and off Ebay. Most of them are on Ebay, poor things. My heart goes out to them. But they are all wonderful, honest sellers and you should buy their clothes.

NOW.

There was a great deal of discussion about how ANYTHING would have looked better on Nicole Kidman than that hideous Balenciaga goiter dress. Funkoma Vintage had this dress, saying even THIS would look better:



Funkoma Vintage

I quite agree--just about anything would, and these sort of little 80s things are ever so fashionable now. If, like me, you liked Kelly Preston's leopard dress, here is a vintage latticed-back take on it, sold by the lovely USMCMars. It is a size Large, with a 39 inch bust:



Vintage Clothing From USMCMars


Of course, one has to wear gold sequins on Oscar night to look paparazzi-perfect! Underwood Estates has this size 4 open-back bombshell in her store, Views of Vintage:



Underwood Estates Views of Vintage


If one is going to wear a dress like that, accessories are KEY, and this beautiful vintage bag from Marie92001 is just the ticket. It's a vintage Ingber purse, even trimmed with rhinestones for that extra touch of sparkle:


http://cgi.ebay.com/Vintage-50s-60s-GOLD-Rhinestone-INGBER-Purse_W0QQitemZ270094130578QQihZ017QQcategoryZ74966QQtcZphotoQQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Speaking of gold, this would look simply stunning on Halle Berry, wouldn't it? This is for sale at www.borntoolatevintage.com:



And as every woman knows, you can't go wrong with a black dress...unless you're Meryl Streep at the actual Oscars (shudder). This exquisite 1930s lace dress is for sale at www.figure8studio.com :



These vintage 50s shoes, being sold by Ebay seller WVATumbleweed, would be excellent with a black sheath, and even though they are vintage, they are a size NINE! And made of black mesh and fabric with kitten heels:



http://cgi.ebay.com/Sassy-Spring-vintage-Blk-mesh-50s-kitten-heels-shoes-9_W0QQitemZ300085121228QQihZ020QQcategoryZ74980QQtcZphotoQQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

For those who like simplicity with style (and who doesn't?) Ebay seller freshbloominclothing has this black sequined stunner, in a marvelous size 18, quite in the spirit of Jennifer Hudson (sans strange reptile jacket):



Fresh Bloomin Clothing


And speaking of style, it is hard to top this incredible silk Ceil Chapman dress, offered on Ebay by Dorotheascloset. It has an amazing draped bustline, with swags that go below the hemline in the front, and is a size Medium to Large. This would have looked so much prettier on Jessica Biel than that awful neon thing she wore:



Dorotheas Closet

Couldn't you just ROLL in that purple? (I know Bucky would like to.) There were many strapless dresses at the Academy Awards, including Patricia Fields (gack). However, for those that did not care for Jennifer's Hudson's brown dress, here is a Mike Benet vintage chiffon masterpiece, up for auction by flashbak58, with a 40 inch bust:


Flashback 58 Bombshell Frocks

Another dazzling confection is this grand 60s vintage ballgown, being sold by my dear friend and mentor, andapanda-rlf (yes, I know it's a strange name, but it has some inner meaning). It is in heavy satin, with a deep V-back topped with a bow and a bustle. Perfect for the Red Carpet!




andapanda's Vintage Clothing

Most fashion shows finish with a bridal gown, but this is MY fashion show, dahlings. So instead, to finish with a flourish, this is a simply stunning Emma Domb column gown. From the front it is a simple wool crepe Audrey Hepburn-style dress (although with a 38 inch bust poor Audrey would have drowned in it--but at least the high front neckline would have concealed her collarbones!). But in the back are two long columns, sewn on the outside so that they sail outward when you walk! Another Red Carpet moment! For sale by my dear, dear friend Maureen at www.vintagegrace.com:




I'll be back with more of my own pretties in a day or two. In the meantime, I'm going to tell my assistant that if Chris calls, I'm busy. A girl needs her beauty sleep, after all.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Oscar Night, continued...

(Note: this is being transcribed by me, Miss DeCarlo's personal assistant, from the notes she's sending me, so please forgive any discontinuity. Please, or she'll be so mad, and I need this job.)

Dahlings -

I have arrived at the Spotted Pig for the New York magazine party, and there is not much doing. There's Mark Green in the corner, chatting up the ever-hilarious Andy Borowitz. This is a very dressed-down crowd. Hmmph. Off to find the television monitor and a cocktail...I can make my own fun.

Oh, my darling friend Andre Leon Talley is on! But WHAT is that thing he has got Jennifer Hudson wearing? That--that reptilian jacket thing! The dress is a lovely draped Oscar de la Renta brown dress on a lovely brown woman, but off with that jacket! Andre, dahling, what were you THINKING? We have to have a serious chat before you come to "Haute Cou-Poor" to give your lecture on "How Much Is Too Much: The Aesthetics of Bling."

Finally, the show is beginning...I was in fear that Mark Green would want to talk to me about the environment.

What is that Ellen DeGeneres is wearing? My guess she still wishes Johnny Carson were hosting the show, because she is wearing one of his old outfits, right down to the white shoes.



Oh, dear, she is dull. Get off, dear.

What was that musical interlude about? A gospel choir marches offstage and nothing happens? Conan, where are you when we need you?

Oh good Lord, there's Nicole in that hideous red Balenciaga thing, even worse from a distance. She simply cannot move her face! This is beyond Botox, dahlings, a surgeon must have cut a nerve. I need another cocktail. Perhaps a mojito this time.

JACK NICHOLSON -- the man has shaved his head! It looks like a huge pale basketball! It's as big as Ted Kennedy's, without the hair! I can't help but think of Daddy Warbucks. Jack, Jack, has your famous cool finally deserted you?

PILOBULOUS? Weren't they something you inflicted on your children back in the 1960s in the name of arts and education? Wonderful. Shadow puppets. Something tells me Ellen thought of them. Happy childhood memories and all that. Cheery people annoy me. At least the rest of the crowd in the restaurant is hooting derisively as well.

I need to be with other fabulous people. Back to the limousine...