The Tony Awards Worst Dressed 2009

DAHLINGS -

The Tony Awards broadcast was truly a delightful program, as I wrote previously, but now it is time to nominate the most egregious Crimes Against Fashion committed on Sunday.

First, the woman I am certain will make all of the Worst Dressed Lists, the incomparable (and truly frightening) Dolly Parton:


I ask you, what is that draped mini-skirted horror? This is truly a woman I never want to see with her clothing off. The mind boggles.

Movie and stage star Laura Linney chose a fussy gown that did her no favors, either in the figure or the coloring department. Somehow she looks like a giant bottle of Almay liquid foundation in "Pale":


Edie Falco obviously had no time to get a dress, so she threw on this rumpled bedspread:


Neon orange does not become Sutton Foster. Although I doubt it would become anybody who wasn't a teenager in a club in a bad neighborhood:


Speaking of orange, poor Marisa Tomei, who usually does so well, made a wrong turn when she chose this Isaac Mizrahi dress, which washes out her coloring. And what is that black tulle thing vomiting out of the back? (And speaking of Isaac Mizrahi, it reminds one of something one of the lesser designers on the "The Fashion Show" would present.


Fortunately, the Tony Awards are a less dramatic affair, fashion-wise, than other awards shows. Perhaps other writers are disappointed, but yours truly was grateful for the overwhelming display of good taste.

As for other just-plain-wrong moments on the show, the one that stands out for me is the utter bastardization of "Sit Down, You're Rocking The Boat" from Guys and Dolls. Whoever thought of the alternate ending of that number should be beaten to a bloody pulp. I write that with the utmost respect, of course.


Legally Blonde was the closest thing to a musical vacuum as I have seen since I accidentally blundered into a Miley Cyrus album release party. (I was looking for a fashion awards party and went to the club down the street--I still shudder at the memory.)

More later!

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

The Sick & The Dead: Lindsay Lohan as Marilyn Monroe

Dahlings –

This morning I was confronted over my morning latte’ with the latest celebrity outrage. No, not the Miley Cyrus seat-belt flap.

It is Lindsay Lohan’s handlers' incomprehensible decision to have their client pose as Marilyn Monroe in an imitation of Monroe's last photo shoot with Bert Stern. (http://media.nymag.com/fashion/08/lindsay-as-marilyn/)

Stern himself, who apparently has not accomplished very much since the mid-1960s, saw a injection of career Viagra in this exploitation of the youthful hype whore. So he shot the new pictures himself. After all, he had published all 2000 photographs he shot of Marilyn in several different books, all published long ago.

These photos were called “The Last Sitting,” and were virtually the last pictures taken of Marilyn. There are many beautiful images, if you overlook the fact that Marilyn was extremely drunk and high.



(No disrespect for the dead intended. But mon cher lecteurs, the sad reality was that she was an alcoholic and addict, dying six weeks later of an barbiturate overdose.) Later Norman Mailer, may he not rest in peace, used many of these photos for his own exploitation book, a masturbatory fantasy bio titled “Marilyn.”

And now we have Ms. Lohan. When I saw the first photo, I thought she was wearing prosthetic breasts, but then I realized they were phonies of a different sort. I have no idea what this has to do with Spring Fashion 2008, but that was the section into which Star—er, New York Magazine—decided to shoehorn this pathetic travesty.

As for Ms. Lohan, she doesn’t think it is a “big deal,” but then, her actual career has not been a “big deal” for quite some time and this is the first intentional publicity she has received for several years.

I have this to say:

SHAME on all who participated in this degradation of the memory of a beautiful, talented actress who died before her time!

SHAME on all of those who brought this venal monstrosity before the public.

SHAME on those who knew the only similarities between Ms. Lohan and Ms. Monroe are gender, alcohol and drugs.

One only hopes Ms. Lohan has the good fortune to live until 36.

Regretfully,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog