The Obligatory Twitter Post (Special Guest Star: Jesus)

DAHLINGS -

In today's faster-than-fast world, emails have been replaced by Facebook messages have been replaced by Twitter. In which you have 140 characters to say your piece. Not 140 words, 140 characters.

There is actually a fine art to writing on Twitter, at least if it's something more interesting than "I made the most yummy beef stew!" One must craft even the most mundane of statements. Since my writing tends toward the, shall we say, ornate, this has been an onerous task. But challenges are my chocolate covered cherries! (In actuality, I despise chocolate covered cherries, but 'eclairs' doesn't have the same zip.)

So, in the spirit of what every else is doing these days, here is a selection of my tweets over the past two days!

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Until they make tampons out of pure spun silk, menses and elegance do not mix.

So, Lindsay Lohan is fired from playing a porn star but is considered a good bet for "DWTS"? I'm not sure which job has less class.

The news that nude photos of Christina Aguilera have been leaked...am I somehow supposed to care? Aren't there enough of them already?

Wondering if I should do a #FF list of people who can't stand me? You know who you are, but you're not following me so you won't see it.

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(The following are the tale of my evening with Jesus, when my chef took the day off and I was forced to fend for myself. )

Good night, lovely Twitter-followers.At least the maid will make me coffee & bring me a croissant tomorrow morning.Pray for me. #chefsdayoff

With my chef taking the day off (the swine), I managed coffee, a croissant and peach preserves brought by the maid. #chefsdayoff

#chefsdayoff For lunch, delivery from Blue Hill. (Yes, if you pay enough) Chicken with Tuscan kale and homemade pasta. Tonight...?

#chefsdayoff BAD start to the evening. Jesus showed up, wanting a cheese sandwich. I told him to make us both BLTs if he wanted them

So Jesus has a hissy fit because he doesn't want a BLT, he wants grilled cheese made with Swiss cheese and I don't have any...

I tell Jesus to go to the store if he wants Swiss cheese so much, he says, "I don't have any POCKETS, you heathen!" Le sigh...

After sulking, he agreed to make grilled cheddar and tomato sandwiches. Jesus is a pretty decent diner-style cook. Unexpected.

The sandwiches were quite good. But Jesus had gotten into the cooking wine (he is NEVER getting the key to the wine cellar)...

So he's getting drunk on cooking sherry and starts arguing w me abt. my atheism. Jesus keeps yelling at God for a miracle,...

...but does God perform one? No, unless you consider Jesus chugging an entire bottle of cooking sherry w/o gagging a miracle.

Fortunately I had coffee ice cream in the freezer (Jesus LOVES coffee ice cream). Gave him a big dish and he gave me a...

...big goofy smile. There's something about Jesus drunk, especially when he's got the crown of thorns on--I must get a picture.

In any event, he's already dozing on the divan, and it's not even 8pm. At least if he expects breakfast my chef will be back!

Don't worry, I have never slept with Jesus, nor do I intend to.He's far too promiscuous. All those "Jesus loves me" songs, n'cest pas?

Good morning, lovely Twitter-followers! As predicted, Jesus was hungover & cranky this morning. Serves him right, chugging cooking sherry.

#AnnoyingJesus Thank God my chef is back, who served him coddled eggs and a Bloody Mary. Jesus has left my building. Thank goodness.

And there you have a selection of my tweets. Feel free to follow me on Twitter! I promise, Jesus rarely shows up. I really should contact my dear dead friend Lana Turner. It's been far too long.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Derek Lam Prostitutes Himself For Ebay

DAHLINGS -

Ebay has been desperately searching for a way to salvage its diminished reputation. From being known as "America's flea market" to "America's junk dump" has taken years of hard work. To earn a reputation as bad as Ebay's is now, requires devotion.

Devotion to letting Chinese sellers rip off Ebay customers with fake designer merchandise. Devotion to shutting down the small sellers that made Ebay so popular when it began. Devotion to progressly stripping sellers of their rights, including the inability to realistically be rated by buyers, unable to leave feedback about bad buyers, unable to respond to unrealistic expectations by buyers. Unless it's Express Mail, no package can be counted on to be reliably delivered within two days of payment.

Devotion to further undermining the smaller sellers by running ads by large companies for similar merchandise on the same pages as the listings. By making the search engine virtually impossible to use. By giving preferential treatment to sellers who list in the thousands rather than the dozens.

Devotion to letting Paypal, its subsidiary, arbitrarily withhold the sellers' money under a series of rules that grow increasing more Byzantine by the year. Which included banning cash and money orders and setting up as competition payment systems that both cost more and were harder to use.

Despite a phony claim to being "just a venue," Ebay treated the sellers, its CUSTOMERS, as if they had no right to be there. Ebay started as a democracy and gradually became a dictatorship, first under the leadership of the vicious Meg Whitman, and later under the unconscionable rule of John Donahoe.

As an Ebay seller from 2002 until 2010, I am in a position to know all too well what I am writing about. A major problem is that no venue has been able to compete for Ebay's visibility in the larger marketplace. For years sellers have hoped that Google would set up a competing site. But that apparently is not in the cards.

And now, major designers are selling their collections on Ebay. This is a foul thing to do. Derek Lam is merely the latest designer to spread his legs for Ebay.

His collection will be "voted on" in the same way that American Idol votes on its contestants. Previous prostitutes for Ebay have been Norma Kamali and Narciso Rodriguez.

http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2010/10/derek_lam_is_launching_a_colle.html

If you want to bring "affordable fashion" to Americans, sell your collections at Target, which has the honesty to call itself a commercial retailer.

Shame on you, Ebay, for helping to further destroy what was once a viable source of income for so many ordinary Americans. All the while baying that you believe that "people are essentially good."

People, perhaps, but certainly not your management.

Ebay is a disgrace to the values you pretend to promote, and you are a disgrace to America.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Fashion's Night Out! Watch It HERE Tonight!

DAHLINGS -

The good folk at Conde' Nast were good enough to send me this press release. AND you can watch part of Fashion's Night Out right here on my blog!

CBS Live Stream of FNO: The Show
CBS.com’s Live Webcast of Fashion’s Night Out: The Show, hosted by Andre Leon Talley (my former BFF) and Hanneli Mustaparta, is embedded on this site, so all of my wonderful readers can watch it right here! The player will go live tonight (Tuesday, Sept 7th) at 5pm ET/ 2pm PT. From 5-7pm teaser clips from CBS Special on Fashion’s Night Out will run. Show begins at 7pm. Please see below for the embed code.

#FNO
If you are Tweeting about the show tonight (and FNO in general!), they would love it if you would please use the official hashtag – #FNO. Their ID is @FNONYC if you would like to follow us – they shall be live Tweeting from the show and on the 10th.


LIVE WEBCAST (one hopes)




That's all for now. I am frantically trying to get ready for Mercedes Benz Fashion Week and all of its ancillary events.

ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

The Mad Fashionista Featured In The Three Tomatoes!

DAHLINGS -

I couldn't be more pleased...The Three Tomatoes, the website "for women who aren't kids," featured moi this Tuesday morning in their latest newsletter, praising my chic outfit (the Ellen Christie large felt hat and Re/Dress black suit). And urging their readers to follow my Mercedes Benz Fashion Week coverage, as well they should (their readers, that is.)

You can read all about it at http://www.thethreetomatoes.com/. And while you are there, browse the site for shopping, entertainment, and fashion information for stylish New York women!

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Fashion Week Day One: Thank God For Bella Fierce!

(This is Mademoiselle’s assistant, typing from the notes she sent me from inside the tents. Except the fact she might actually read this, I’d tell you I hope she trips and breaks an ankle in those f*cking stilettos this week. Working for her—this is even worse than when I was cleaning roof gutters back home. Why she thinks BF is all that when I’m the one--Never mind, my stomach hurts.)

DAHLINGS –

As I had hoped, the attractive Bella Fierce was everything one could ask for in an assistant and then some! Everything I needed was to hand with Ms. Fierce there, be it an Internet connection, a bottle of water, or a foot rub. She balked at the foot rub at first, but a few biting remarks and she gave in. That’s what I prefer in an assistant—obedience and attention to detail. Not like that lumpkin back in my office.

(Thanks, bitch.)

Ms. Fierce was also beautifully dressed, so I did not have to be ashamed to have her inside the tents with me. In fact, she has an impeccable sense of style. I could not have gotten through this week so far without her.

My only problem is that technology is fighting me EVERY STEP OF THE WAY! Smithie could not get the video camcorder working, and she forgot the order something that would make it record more than 30 seconds, which is why you have not seen my beaming smile in action yet. The microcassette recorder also refused to function, as did my digital camera until the second day, when I snatched it away from Smithie and browbeat the device until it gave in. I have been ready to throw in the hand-embroidered towel, I tell you!

However, Fashion must go on, and despite these glitches, you SHALL be seeing more of moi.
(I wish I didn't have to.)