Due to a recurring illness, it has taken me a few days (cough) to get to this entry. However, how could I keep my beloved readers from missing this, no matter how great the sacrifice??
As in the Best Dressed, the Worst Dressed had an embarrassment of riches. And I do mean embarrassment.
WHY DIDN'T SOMEBODY TELL ME THIS WAS A RED CARPET AWARD SHOW?
Lauren Bosworth apparently thought her invitation read "Daughters of the American Revolution Afternoon Tea--no Democrats, please."
Stephanie Pratt gave new meaning to "she looked like she just rolled out of bed." When she awoke, the limo had been parked outside for more than an hour. Oh, well, everything looks dressy with heels, even a cheap Fredericks of Hollywood nightie! Doesn't it? Doesn't it? And thank you so much for the abundance of crotch shots!
Apparently Heidi Klum thought she was showing up for a taping of the runway segment of Project Runway. What else explains this dress? As she likes it on the show, too short, too tight, too shiny. Or is that what she doesn't like? So confusing!
WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?
This category is for the dresses that leave one's guests looking at each other in bewilderment. Yes, Alexander McQueen is dead and we should all be respectful of his memory...but Anna Paquin's gown looks like she is starring in a bad fantasy film as "Rodarah, Queen of the Unalasians."
There is so much wrong with Saturday Night Live's Kristin Wiig's dress one hardly knows where to start. The shoulder pom-poms? The cheap-looking print fabric? The sloppy, floppy black belt?
I am usually a champion of the unusual, but Lauren Graham's gown is definitely a head-scratcher. Is the white bib to protect her dress from stray tomato sauce when the waiters are serving the pre-show cocktail nibbles? Is she afraid Lindsay Lohan is going to vomit on her? Or does she actually think it looks good? Your faithful correspondent is at a loss. There have been no photographs of the back that one can find, but perhaps that is a blessing in disguise.
And I am almost always a champion of larger lovelies, but KayCee Stroh's gown...what look is she going for, precisely? Goth 60s hippie? Two unmatching gowns worn at once? And that pattern--I'M BLIND! I'M BLIND!
Remember when Jewel was a waify litle folk singer? Neither do I. In keeping with her recent glamorous image makeover ("I'm still relevant!), she is sporting a Carolina Herrera pink wedding cake dress. This photo does not show how perilously close the dress was to sliding off her body, which made for more entertainment than the actual show.
Why on earth did Glenn Close think this ill fitting green paper bag would be a good red carpet choice? Is it because the huge baggy hem is supposed to complement her broad shoulders?
FOLIE AU DRESS
This might be called a "catch-all" category, for all of those gowns that don't fit easily into slots. First we have the Look At Me Dammit! awards.
This award is handily won by Eva La Rue. Even her name sounds like a burlesque dancer. Here, she manages to make virginal white look like ít's been around the block a few too many times.
Speaking of white vulgarity, I know that this Kardashian (I can never tell them apart) made quite a few Best Dressed Lists, but this looked trashy, as did she.
What can one say? This Narciso Rodriguez dress would be a complete snore if it weren't for the cheesy mesh insert at the waist, worn by Julia Louis-Dreyfus. The actress looks as if she divides her time between the gym and the plastic surgeon.
Now we have the general Oh, Dear category.
(I have no clue as to who this poor woman is. But the photo speaks for itself.)
Poor Toni Collette. On her way to the red carpet, her gown trailed through the mud. Perhaps that explains her displeased facial expression.
Cheryl Hines's dress reminds one of a tree that's been "toilet-papered" at Halloween. Not that your faithful correspondent would ever participate in something so common.
Elizabeth Moss's gown, like Anna Paquin's and Kristin Wiig's gowns, has a bad case of "shoulder strangeness." In this case, a large wad of fabric adorns a bunched up, badly-draped dress. The dull color doesn't do her delicate complexion any favors, either.
To finish, Keri Russell's Pepto-Bismol pink dress wasn't exactly a "pop of color" on the runway, rather a splashed bucket. The top was far too large; every time Ms. Russell moved, the breeze threatened to expose one of her pretty little breasts. Because a dress is vintage, that does not necessarily mean it is a good fit.
So, those are my choices. Please feel free to respond in the comments. But remember, I am always right.
Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
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