The CMT Awards Worst Dressed List

DAHLINGS -

My apologies for the slight time lag, but it was party time this weekend. More than that I shall not say, to spare the feelings of those involved. Suffice to say I am never setting foot outside of New York City or the Hamptons again.

And so, we start the CMT Worst Dressed list with The Paula Deen Death Stare:


"I'm goin' to rip your spleen out and stuff it down your throat, darlin'."

There was an embarassment of...er...riches for this list. Our first candidate:

Miss Teen USA!


Can you imagine having to attend events dressed like your own grandmother? This accidentally-vintage 70s-style horror must have been as much fun to wear as it is to look at.

THE EIGHTIES ARE BACK!

In the midnight hour, she went "more, more, more"...

I have no idea who these people are, but the photo made me throw up in my mouth.

Kellie Pickler appeared in a pouffy 80s prom dress, minus side ponytail and Scrunchy. I should have known it was by Zuhair Marad:

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Hayden Panettiere worked two 80s trends, Qiana and black lace by Pucci...this is the unfortunate result.

Finishing our trip down Bad Fashion Memory Lane, we have Miranda Lambert dressed as a human disco ball:

BUSTAGE MISTAKES

You'd think by now female celebrities would know how to get their dresses properly fitted up top, but it seems to be a bygone art.

In my previous entry, I mentioned Faith Hill's enviable sternum. Laura Bell Bundy flaunts her utter lack of body flesh in the gilded mess:

As much as I approve of cleavage, the lady on the left might have considered wearing a proper brassiere:

Karen Fairchild forgot that all-important lesson: if you are going to wear padded cups, remember to put the pads in them before you exit the limo!

Beautiful songstress Sheryl Crowe demonstrates how to de-emphasize anything positive about your figure and emphasize that you are wearing an overly-large, badly fitted dress that makes you look like you haven't eaten since last October.

FOLIE AUX DRESS

This is the category into which I toss everything that is simply, well, ugly. And it's not just the women who have a lockdown on this category.

For instance, Jake Owen in this blinding nightmare of a shirt.

Julianne Hough illustrates that nothing does more for a girl's looks than a yellow dress with a bright yellow pubic hair applique:

Way to emphasize your talent!

Some celebrities opted for a less subtle approach. This "television personality" opted to wear her pubic hair on her collarbone:

The Situation shows his claim to fame...isn't his 15 minutes up yet?

Speaking of which, we have the inevitable Snooki in her aluminum foil dress:

Carrie Underwood has never been known for her quiet good taste, and she again failed to bring it this Jenny Packman strange pink...draped...buckled...thing.

And finally:

All I can say about Kimberly Schlapman's look is: EEEEEAAAAAAAH! I'M BLIND!

The hair, the dress, the shoes...oh, dear God, the hair, the dress, the shoes!

At least it's unique...thank goodness.

There is nothing that can top that, at least at this awards show. Feel free to express your opinions in the comment sections. But bear in mind that I am always right.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

The CMT Awards Best Dressed List

DAHLINGS -

To put it in a way country music fans will understand, the pickin's were mighty slim at the CMT Awards earlier this week. Not quite as much of a snooze fest as the MTV Movie Awards, but there were a few pretties on display.

But before I begin, a question: why is David Spade allowed to live, much less attend the CMT Awards? What does he have to do with country music? Is owning an Ipod really enough?

And he looks so delighted to be there, too.

All right, on to the Best Dressed.

You all know my taste, which inclines toward the classics. However, my favorite outfit of the night belonged to Elizabeth Cook:

This had color, individuality, and for this fashion writer, the sense that a woman with style picked her own clothes. Others may think it bizarre, but I applaud Ms. Cook. More than anything, this ensemble is fun.

Next, we have Faith Hill, in a breezy chiffon creation by J. Mendel that both flatters her figure and projects a secure self-image:

I am not a fan of showing this much sternum, but Ms. Hill actually has something to show, unlike many of the other evening's participants.

Lady Antebellum singer Hillary Scott worked a little black strapless dress that fit perfectly.


Taylor Swift looked pretty if rather uninspired in this John Galliano dress. Much fuss has been made of the fact that she straightened her hair that evening. This just in: Taylor Swift's hair announces that it has solution for the Gulf oil disaster!


Jada Pinkett-Smith was the essence of confidence in this blue crushed velvet dress, a mashup of two different Emilio Pucci designs:

My only criticism is that velvet seems to be an awfully warm fabric choice, particularly under the lights.

In the "Close, But No Cigar" category I am sorry to put singer Trisha Yearwood. While I admire her for her womanly shape, why dress it in a black, ill-fitting, unflattering dress that looks like it was made of black garbage bags? There's a goddess's figure under there, Ms. Yearwood!


Sarah Buxton's Empire-waisted dress was nice; sorry, no more interesting word comes to mind, but I rather liked it:

Although she is extremely gaunt, a disturbing trend that is taking speed throughout all of the entertainment industry (yes, I'm talking to you, Jennifer Hudson. Thank you ever so much for letting down thousands of larger women. I cannot wait until you gain it all back and the tabloids go insane).

For the menfolk, my first choice is Trace Adkins, shown her with his lovely wife and daughter. (It is also so refreshing to see real women at these events, even if they are invariably wives.) To me, he looks authentically "country." Since I do not actually listen to country music, to me Mr. Adkins looks like he gave his outfit some, but not too much, thought.


I loved musician Danny Gokey's take on the tuxedo (his resemblance to Robert Downey Jr. doesn't hurt, either.)


That is it for my Best-Dressed list, dahlings. To be honest, I did not think I would be able to make this many choices. Even if some of them were a bit of a stretch.

Worst-Dressed List up soon, and there are, as the common folk used to say, some doozies.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog