Project Runway Season Eight Premiere, Part Two

DAHLINGS -

There is simply so much to cover in this season premiere, it had to take two posts!

When we last heard, there were 17 designers instead of the usual 16, and they had five hours to create a garment out of someone else's piece of clothing. And this was considered an audition for the show itself; it was guaranteed that one or more of the contestants would be going home. And you just finished packing and had that big going-away party. Bummer.

We watched them sweat, freak out, etc., the usual workroom scenes, except for the small amount of time. I'm guessing that Jason isn't going so much for a signature look with that idiotic bowler, he's probably bald.

Now to the interesting part: the runway. What a delight to see that the Bright Orange Oracle of Fashion, Michael Kors, was in his rightful place! Next to him was Nina Garcia, who has actually started to sprout a personality. (I love how Heidi pronounces her name with a heavy inflection, the way politically correct folk in the 80s used to pronounce Nicaragua "Nee-haw- wagrah".) Heidi was actually wearing an age appropriate dress for a change. Are the Four Horsemen here yet?

The special guest judge was actress Selma Blair. Not to worry, nobody in our viewing party could place her, either. She resembles a squinty Katie Holmes.

When Heidi came out and greeted the designers before the execution--er, runway show--the contestants were wetting themselves even more than usual. She rattled off "you're in or you're out" in rote fashion before the show began.

A side note: the models tonight were terrible. The way they clumped down the runway, they would make a Dior look bad.

Valerie made this eye-bleeding monstrosity from, I believe, Casanova's Dolce & Gabbana trousers.

Afghanistan hooker dress, made of combat material w/ false blood for added piquance.

McKell fashioned a cute little number from a blue button-down shirt.

Ivy took a pair of flowered, matronly pants and transformed them into--flowery, matronly capris! Along with a sloppily made silk top that was supposed to match in some way not meant for this universe.

"Oh my God, there's a sale at Pathmark!"

Unlike the judges, I liked Nicholas's long gown, made out of a pleather bomber jacket, using the bottom rib trim for the neckline.
April "deconstructed" a tuxedo jacket by...well...deconstructing it, which consisted of turning it inside out. Mighty Goth there, dahling!

This dress is for when Wilma Flintstone wants to get down with her bad self.

Gretchen sent out a glamorous dress that moved well on the runway, with small beaded fringe on the shoulders. Don't ask me what she made it out of, because I don't care.

Jason's dress was made from a black kimono. Although impeccably styled, the actual garment looked like a monk's habit hastily pulled on backwards by a monk fleeing a medieval monastery.

Casanova's "dress", if you can call it that, was made out of a small blue blouse. Tim had tried to talk him into making something halfway less acceptable. But Casanova stuck to his guns, describing his creation as "sexy but not vulgar." According to my notes, my first reaction was: JESUS!

Since I usually only use that word when I am actually addressing Jesus when he stops by, you can see how shocked I was. The judges agreed, and I simply cannot top the Duchess's assessment: "a pole dancer in Dubai". I love that neon orange bitch! Casanova's English is terrible, so we actually got the treat of listening to Nina speak to him in Spanish. I wish she would do all of her critiques in Spanish, it's so much more expressive. Then we wouldn't have to hear "questionable taste" and "chic" repeated in every show.

During the commercial break, I knew that Bunim/Murray had calculated who would not go home, regardless of talent, because they are perfect reality television personalities.

Casanova ? Check. He won't get the boot if he sends a dress made of cat turds down the runway.

Peach? Check. Not only did she make a lovely dress but she is also a lot of fun, rather like Paula Deen would be if she were sane.

Jason? With that hat? Of course. Check.

In the end, Gretchen won.

"I won, bitches!"

Poor little McKell was auf'd. But at least I don't have to look at those dreadlocks any more.

One more thing to be grateful for: no more Models Of The Runway! If I wanted to listen to skinny ninnies babbling about nothing, I'd watch Kathie Lee and Hoda.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

(all images courtesy of mylifetime.com)

Project Runway's All-Star Challenge, Part Two

DAHLINGS –

Forgive the unpardonable lapse, but the preparation for Fashion Week Spring 2010 is simply too intense!

DID I HEAR YOU SIGH? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SIGH ABOUT? THAT’S WHY I GIVE YOU AMPHETAMINES, YOU PATHETIC LUMP! FOR ENERGY! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET ANYTHING DONE IF YOU PASS OUT AGAIN??

Ahem.

Back to Project Runway’s All Star Challenge: as I mentioned, at every conceivable moment, Chris March was to be found asleep (including the model casting!). However, his collection was easily my favorite. Strong silhouettes, a marvelous plaid, I was even willing to forgive the spray of feathers on the red-carpet gown. In the workroom, Tim Gunn loved what Chris was creating, as well.

The most bizarre moment was when the designers were unwillingly dragged out for a pre-runway show “celebratory dinner.” After the meal, Tim Gunn proclaimed that they had to create a fourth look, made from materials in the restaurant around them.

A scene erupted that was straight out of a Marx Brothers movie—or, for those who don’t know who the Marx Brothers are (I pity you)—most comedies starring Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, or Dane Cook. The designers literally tore the restaurant apart. One hopes the place was already scheduled for demolition.

However, as one of my guests remarked at that time, “This is what I love about this show. It gives weird constraints to talented people.” I could not have put it better.

The magnificent Diane von Fursternberg was the guest judge, and the usual suspects were back: Michael Kors and his pancake makeup, Nina Garcia, replete with hair extensions, and Heidi Klum, of course.

Santino, for all of his bragging, (“Project Runway didn’t make me, I made Project Runway”—pride goeth before a Fall Collection) could not get his four looks together in time, and it showed. Almost everything in Santino’s collection was made of metallic lycra, making all of the models come across as low-priced escorts.

"Pretty Woman, walking down the street, pretty woman..."

Mychael Knight’s restaurant dress looked like the model would scrub a kitchen with her torso. Neckthing simply sent ugly clothes down the runway, and they were all “auf’d.” As was Uli, despite her death-ray stares at Sweet P.

Mychael's restaurant dress

Neckthing's harem-pant jumpsuit...why, oh, why have harem pants come back??

Darling Chris March’s collection knocked it out of the park, to use one of my male guest’s expressions. Beautifully made, strong, dramatic…I want him to design a collection for moi! Are you reading this, Chris dear? He should have been given the win!

Chris's wonderfully chic restaurant dress!

Sweet P’s restaurant dress was the most interesting part of her collection: it looked like a giant walking cupcake.

Korto’s clothes were lovely, if perhaps much of a muchness. Very beautiful, very drapey and wearable, but somehow they lacked the spark I saw in her runway show in February. However, her restaurant dress was absolutely superb:

You cannot tell from this photo, but the construction was masterful and the textures extremely creative and wearable.

Daniel, of all people, got the win! His restaurant dress looked like something a mad bomber would wear; perhaps a model crazed with hunger? “Give me a cheeseburger or I’ll blow Heidi to bits!” And his clothes—ugly and uglier. And the models—I thought heroin chic went out years ago. Ugh.

So, I disagree with the judges. Ce qui est nouveau?

I shall try to post about the premiere episode of Season Six before the second episode airs, I promise!

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Project Runway Makes "New York At Night" Milwaukee

DAHLINGS -

As much as your faithful correspondent hates to admit it, this is one of the most boring bunch of designers I have ever witnessed. The idea of having lunch with any one of them makes me want to turn off my Blackberry and hide.

Mon dieu, who is Jennifer and where did she come from? Has she been on the show all of this time? Suede, as much as I dislike him, stands out because he has a discernible personality. Even if it is an overly self-confident teenager who talks about himself in the third person. The Fashionista refuses to talk about herself in the third person--

Oh, damn, it's catching.

This week's challenge was to take pictures of New York at night, and be inspired. Can you imagine what Chris March would have done with this one? Or Christian? Or even Neckthing (Jeffrey Sebalia)? But no, a parade of dreariness made its way down the runway.

However, there are two designers I particularly like, and one of them made the top three, and the other won this week's challenge! The first, of course, is Terri, who has been greviously overlooked in previous episodes. Yours truly thinks her beautiful floaty dress over pants should have won; it had all the style, sophistication and what some like to call "street" that the others lacked. Even though I generally detest dresses worn over pants (one sees know-nothing college girls in them constantly), this had more of the feeling of a tunic.



The second is Kenley, who has a delightful 40s personal style, bright red lipstick and always something fascinating on top of her head:



However, her dress had something grotesque on its side. Rather like those things they remove from people on the Discovery Health Channel. While I did not care for the design (besides the ill-advised tulle, it looked tight, hot and uncomfortable), I have enjoyed her other designs, and she is extremely creative.



The guest judge was D-list actress Sandra Bernhard, there to flog her upcoming one-woman show tour (which has already run Off-Broadway and been made into a movie...someone has too much time on their hands). Ms. Bernhard seemed to have had bad plastic surgery less than a week before the show. She had nothing of interest to say, which only added to the air of ennui surrounding this week's episode.



The comments about this dress simply were offensive.



"Vintage," of course, was used as if it were a four-letter word, the stuck-up swines. And yes, it was a tad matronly, but what about Keith's toilet-paper dress? That had absolutely nothing to do with his inspiration. At least whoever-it-was tried.

Emily was auf'd for her little black can-can vomit dress. How can one have a new you-know-what ripped by the august Mr. Gunn and then say something as purely idiotic as "Tim gave my dress a mixed review, but I like it"? Why is no-one listening to the man? Tim Gunn is the good cop, for goodness sake!

Perhaps now that there are fewer designers, I might be able to remember who they are. But perhaps not.

Oh, here's a little tid-bit: Nina Garcia showing off her effervescent personality at Mood.



How can one look at anyone else when she is onscreen?

Actually, it's easy. At least this week she bestirred herself to greet the designers, unlike last week.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog