Project Runway Makes "New York At Night" Milwaukee

DAHLINGS -

As much as your faithful correspondent hates to admit it, this is one of the most boring bunch of designers I have ever witnessed. The idea of having lunch with any one of them makes me want to turn off my Blackberry and hide.

Mon dieu, who is Jennifer and where did she come from? Has she been on the show all of this time? Suede, as much as I dislike him, stands out because he has a discernible personality. Even if it is an overly self-confident teenager who talks about himself in the third person. The Fashionista refuses to talk about herself in the third person--

Oh, damn, it's catching.

This week's challenge was to take pictures of New York at night, and be inspired. Can you imagine what Chris March would have done with this one? Or Christian? Or even Neckthing (Jeffrey Sebalia)? But no, a parade of dreariness made its way down the runway.

However, there are two designers I particularly like, and one of them made the top three, and the other won this week's challenge! The first, of course, is Terri, who has been greviously overlooked in previous episodes. Yours truly thinks her beautiful floaty dress over pants should have won; it had all the style, sophistication and what some like to call "street" that the others lacked. Even though I generally detest dresses worn over pants (one sees know-nothing college girls in them constantly), this had more of the feeling of a tunic.



The second is Kenley, who has a delightful 40s personal style, bright red lipstick and always something fascinating on top of her head:



However, her dress had something grotesque on its side. Rather like those things they remove from people on the Discovery Health Channel. While I did not care for the design (besides the ill-advised tulle, it looked tight, hot and uncomfortable), I have enjoyed her other designs, and she is extremely creative.



The guest judge was D-list actress Sandra Bernhard, there to flog her upcoming one-woman show tour (which has already run Off-Broadway and been made into a movie...someone has too much time on their hands). Ms. Bernhard seemed to have had bad plastic surgery less than a week before the show. She had nothing of interest to say, which only added to the air of ennui surrounding this week's episode.



The comments about this dress simply were offensive.



"Vintage," of course, was used as if it were a four-letter word, the stuck-up swines. And yes, it was a tad matronly, but what about Keith's toilet-paper dress? That had absolutely nothing to do with his inspiration. At least whoever-it-was tried.

Emily was auf'd for her little black can-can vomit dress. How can one have a new you-know-what ripped by the august Mr. Gunn and then say something as purely idiotic as "Tim gave my dress a mixed review, but I like it"? Why is no-one listening to the man? Tim Gunn is the good cop, for goodness sake!

Perhaps now that there are fewer designers, I might be able to remember who they are. But perhaps not.

Oh, here's a little tid-bit: Nina Garcia showing off her effervescent personality at Mood.



How can one look at anyone else when she is onscreen?

Actually, it's easy. At least this week she bestirred herself to greet the designers, unlike last week.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Inside Bluefly.com - Mass Producing Suede's, Uh, Dress

INTERIOR: Bluefly design room. Table of overworked fashion designers and assistants staring in horror at Suede's design. The head designer gazes at his lackeys, about the choose the unfortunate who will replicate the dress-thing for mass consumption on Bluefly.com.

FIRST DESIGNER: "Oh My Sweet JESUS, I cannot reproduce that thing! It looks like a uterus badly wrapped in gold ribbon. " (PAUSE) "I don't? Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you..."

SECOND DESIGNER:"Pleeeeeeze don't make me, pleeeeze. Mother of mercy, it looks like some alien space creature puked up blood and an old prom dress! Pleeeeze, I promise to do anything if you won't make me do this. I'll make you double espressos every morning. I'll suck you silly if you let me off the hook this time. What? Oh, God bless you, I can sleep tonight."

THIRD DESIGNER: (Realizing it is on him): '"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."

As camera irises up and out over his screaming figure.

Voiceover in black:
"Suede is happy now. Suede is very, very happy. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Project Runway: Hayden Panettiere In A Woodchipper

DAHLINGS –



Joe is clearly as amazed as moi at Suede’s win.



For THIS???



Here the model is thinking, "I don't remember buying entrails at Mood."


I think the headline sums up my feelings. I was simply stunned, as were my viewing companions. Our heads whipped around as we stared at each other in shock.

“Suede?”

“Suede??”

This horrendous thing, the result of the challenge (not only dressing your model as your client, but having the model pick out the fabric, and it had to be "eco-friendly," God help us all), won!



It is at those moments one hears Patou screaming in the night.

Your faithful correspondent thinks that Terri was robbed. Not even in the top three! And her creation was barely seen on television in the runway show.



Stella, meanwhile, faced with the challenge of not working with her beloved “leatha,” whined, whined, whined, in her cartoonish Fran Drescher accent. Her champagne satin dress was dull and not worthy of being in the top three. However, Stella’s work was far superior to what one of the contestants called “Team Brown Ugly Fabric.” Wesley's, uh, creation:



No wonder Wesley was auf'ed, although I would have preferred to see the last of Leanne, the self-described "silent fashion assassin." A real assassin does not break under pressure, little girl.



My guests were wondering, why aren't the designers listening to Tim the way they did in previous seasons? One guest hypothesized that now that three of the judges are extremely known quantities, the designers are working more to please Heidi, Nina and Michael The Overly Made Up than they are trying to express their creativity.

Frau Heidi Klum was in full dominatrix mode, in a black bustier and miniskirt, the usual sadistic glint in her eye. Guest judge Natalie Portman had a terrified, deer in the headlights look in her eyes when she first came out. And she gamely tried to dodge being poked in the eye by Heidi's bustier as the German witch towered over her.



Natalie did seem genuinely sad at the outcome, the one spot of human emotion amongst the judges. Some have said it was because of Wesley being auf'ed, but I think she realized what a mistake she had made in inflicting Suede's dress on the great American public.

One pities the poor Bluefly designer who has to recreate it for consumer consumption! One hears his/her screams joining Patou's in the night.

More later,dahlings -

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Project Runway's Season Five Train Wreck, er, Premiere

DAHLINGS –

Forgive me for taking so long for writing about the season premiere of “Project Runway.” The viewing party took more recovery time than one expected!

One’s first thought as the purported designers all filed into the bedrooms at the beginning was, “Who are these people, and why do I get the distinct impression most of them smell bad?”

No wonder Tim and Heidi met them outdoors on the roof. One hopes the hosts were upwind. And does anyone have news of the person killed by Tim's champagne cork?

I am not certain of who I find the most annoying of the hellish trio of Suede, Blayne, and Stella. A 37-year-old man that calls himself Suede deserves to be beaten in an alley with a 2 by 4, but that is just my humble opinion, as they say online. And as I mentioned earlier, his penchant for talking about himself in the third person is something that should only be reserved for pretentious poseurs like Madonna (oh, my apologies, she is his principal influence. What a surprise.). One of my guests yelled at the screen, “Somebody grab that bastard’s blue tuft and yank it out by the roots!”

Blayne has the double-whammy of having atrocious taste and being extremely hard to look at in close-up. Particularly without his cap-thing. I wanted to kiss Tim Gunn for causing almost all of the designers urinate on themselves by denouncing them for using tablecloths. It’s so good to have him back, isn’t it? "De-ziners, gather round! You suck already and it's only the first challenge! How am I supposed to keep my sanity and world famous savoir-faire around you people?"

In any event, Blayne's “girlicious” design was “girl-trocious”. The poor model looked like she was wearing old Kotex pads stitched to her front and back, or as if she had a terrible yeast infection that had exploded over the front of that mesh bathing suit. Yeeeecccch.



As for Stella, what gutter did the producers pull her out of? 42 year olds who dress and sound like sullen tweens are not your faithful correspondent’s favorite kind of people. Maybe we’ll get lucky and she’ll have a heroin overdose before the end of the series. (Imagine the problems the producers would have, keeping THAT news off the Internet!) That hideous dress, so devoid of inspiration—did anyone else notice that she did not start putting anything together until they had roughly four hours left? What was she doing in the meantime, besides whining?



Perhaps she was busy in the loo shooting up.

Most of the designs got the thumbs-down from my guests, and I was hard-pressed to remember who had designed what, even with a scorecard. There are so MANY designers at the start! Heidi Klum was so eager to start ripping out the designer's jugulars on the runway she virtually needed a drool cup. Nina Garcia was, as usual, a cardboard cut-out in a chair, Michael Kors has single-handedly bought out all of the Cover Girl Dark Matte Makeup in every Duane Reade in New York, but Austin was delightful. So girlish, so soignee', so playing to the camera!

My personal favorites were by Daniel and Korto. Although the poor boy needed a Xanax, the plastic cup dress actually looked wearable, as long as you didn't venture out into the summer heat:



As for Korto, her dress showed taste, style, and originality, even if she did use a tablecloth:



Naturally, I particularly liked that her bio on the official Project Runway site stated that she designs for "real, full-figured women." It will be interesting seeing her tackle one challenge on PR: dressing those stick figures they are given for models!

The winner, Kelli, made an interesting, creative dress. Others have objected to the coffee filter bra, but I thought it was a smart use of limited materials. At least she did not use a tablecloth.

STOP THE PRESSES! A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

My favorite "Project Runway" designer ever, CHRIS MARCH, is blogging about this season as only he can! It is truly hilarious, dahlings, and I have a link to it on the right. Your viewing experience isn't complete until you've read his blog (after you read mine, of course).

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

"Project Runway" Has Begun...Oh, Dear.

DAHLINGS -

Is it just moi, or did Tim Gunn choke on the word "diverse" when he was greeting the designers on the rooftop? At least now one understands why we weren't allowed to see them in the show promos. That annoying Suede had better stop talking about Suede in the third person. I was sorry for the Asian gentleman who got the bump (I'm slightly tired and cannot remember his name...Ken...Bob...Jeffrey? Oh, Jerry.). Yes, his design did look like a serial killer, but that's actually an original thought. When was the last time you saw a slasher-movie themed runway show? (Now, now, no jokes about Christian Lacroix. The man is seriously depressed.)


And Heidi's new look for the show "bumpers" (those little in and out of the segment pieces where they ask you to text or something equally moronic) makes her look like an anorexic Pamela Anderson. And those ankle boots! Mon dieu!

More tomorrow, dahlings. I must attend to my viewing party guests.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog