Chris March's Big Gay Book Party!

DAHLINGS -

Last night was SUCH fun! The Greenhouse on Varick Street was simply packed with a crush of hangers-on, friends of Chris March, admirers, and drag queens. Tragically, my camera battery was dying. This was early in the evening, before the more, er, interesting guests arrived.

As promised, I was wearing the World's Ugliest Dress. It was obviously made by some hippie crochet-maniac on acid back in the day, with a badly attached maroon velvet skirt.

It's not just that the top encircles the bodice like a huge crocheted sausage, but you cannot see the fringed racer back in any of the photos. It was a found object, as I decided to call myself Lady Dada. No hat or jewelry could compete, so I kept it simple with a purple feather fascinator and lace-up leather boots, for that psychedelic saloon girl look.

Early in the evening I met two admirers, Flan and Sahid.

Don't you just love how unflattering the flash camera can be?

We were highly amused by the sight of men putting tiny pieces of duct tape on the wall lights. "It has to be the best duct tape," Flan observed. (Chris can be observed all the way in the back, in the corner. He did not move for the three hours I was there.)


Chris March could not have been more gracious. For a long time I sat next to him up in the VIP section, and watched as he was bombarded by fans, many of them in outfits and makeup that must have taken most of the day to put together. "I met you ten years ago...it was just for a hot minute!" one woman brayed. "Oh, yes, I remember you," Chris lied.

The rest of the evening is a bit of a blur, particularly because I hit the dance floor! One stocky Asian gentleman spun me in circles for a very long time. Another lovely man took me downstairs to the private room where the boogieing continued.

But when the strobe lights started, that was my cue to return to my beautiful (featured in Architectural Digest) apartment. I simply cannot bear strobes in any way, shape or form.

So that is my report of the night. Saturday night I was in attendance at a book signing for Vintage Fashion Accessories by Stacy LoAlbo, because of course I had written the forward. It was held at the MH Art & Framing Gallery on 9 West 20th St, the better to showcase the gorgeous photography. Not only did I meet one of the superbly talented photographers, Jimmy Lin, but also a woman who calls herself the Idiosyncratic Fashionista. And believe me, she was, and I mean that in the most flattering way possible.

And now it's Monday, and I still haven't done my SAG Awards Best and Worst Dressed List! A working woman's job is never done, even with a staff.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Chris March's Book Party Tonight! What I Am Wearing

DAHLINGS -

First of all, no one was happier than moi to find that the beautiful gown Meryl Streep wore at the Golden Globes, that was at the top of my Best Dressed List, was designed by none other than darling CHRIS MARCH!


And tonight is the signing party for Chris March's new book, I Love Chris March, filled with equal amounts of photography and delight. Yes, I'm going overboard, but the man does it to me.

Not in the same way as Alec Baldwin, but I think you catch my drift.

In any event, tonight, because there will be thousands of fabulous drag queens and divas, I have decided to forsake my usual approach to fabulousness and GO INTO REVERSE!

I am going to wear

THE WORLD'S UGLIEST DRESS!

What does it look like? You will have to wait until tomorrow. Please trust me on this, it is so hideous my dry cleaner went blind. Until tomorrow!

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

P.S. The SAG Best & Worst Dressed will be tomorrow as well. My apologies.

Chris March Has A New Book!

DAHLINGS -

My wonderful Chris March, my absolutely favorite Project Runway contestant ever (oh, dear, I sound twelve years old) has put together a coffee table book of outrageous photographs! It's called "I Heart Chris March," and it chronicles twenty-five years of his costume and fashion design. With, as Chris says in the accompanying interview, "Many, many embarassing pictures of me". Since I love a good drag queen, I don't find the pictures embarassing at all.

Some of the fun that is waiting between softcovers!

The utterly adorable Chris March (in leopard, of course)

AND the forward is written by my BFF from Fashion Week, Tim Gunn! This is a fantastic present for your friend who didn't get what they want for Christmas, bear fanciers, drag lovers, costume designers, in face just about everyone (even those closeted members of the Christian Right).

One of my favorite designs from Project Runway was the avant-garde challenge, co-designed by Chris and Christian Siriano:


Chris March has an absolutely fabulous career. His clients include Madonna, John Epperson, Joe Boxer and Tyra Banks, to name just a few. Here is a delightful interview he did for TV Guide:

http://www.tvguide.com/News/VIDEO-Runways-Chris-1013224.aspx

To buy a copy of I Heart Chris March, go to

http://www.chrismarchdesign.com/ilovechrismarch/

You won't find it in your local chain bookstore. While you are on the site, take a leisurely browse. Then order the book.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Project Runway's All-Star Challenge, Part Two

DAHLINGS –

Forgive the unpardonable lapse, but the preparation for Fashion Week Spring 2010 is simply too intense!

DID I HEAR YOU SIGH? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SIGH ABOUT? THAT’S WHY I GIVE YOU AMPHETAMINES, YOU PATHETIC LUMP! FOR ENERGY! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET ANYTHING DONE IF YOU PASS OUT AGAIN??

Ahem.

Back to Project Runway’s All Star Challenge: as I mentioned, at every conceivable moment, Chris March was to be found asleep (including the model casting!). However, his collection was easily my favorite. Strong silhouettes, a marvelous plaid, I was even willing to forgive the spray of feathers on the red-carpet gown. In the workroom, Tim Gunn loved what Chris was creating, as well.

The most bizarre moment was when the designers were unwillingly dragged out for a pre-runway show “celebratory dinner.” After the meal, Tim Gunn proclaimed that they had to create a fourth look, made from materials in the restaurant around them.

A scene erupted that was straight out of a Marx Brothers movie—or, for those who don’t know who the Marx Brothers are (I pity you)—most comedies starring Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, or Dane Cook. The designers literally tore the restaurant apart. One hopes the place was already scheduled for demolition.

However, as one of my guests remarked at that time, “This is what I love about this show. It gives weird constraints to talented people.” I could not have put it better.

The magnificent Diane von Fursternberg was the guest judge, and the usual suspects were back: Michael Kors and his pancake makeup, Nina Garcia, replete with hair extensions, and Heidi Klum, of course.

Santino, for all of his bragging, (“Project Runway didn’t make me, I made Project Runway”—pride goeth before a Fall Collection) could not get his four looks together in time, and it showed. Almost everything in Santino’s collection was made of metallic lycra, making all of the models come across as low-priced escorts.

"Pretty Woman, walking down the street, pretty woman..."

Mychael Knight’s restaurant dress looked like the model would scrub a kitchen with her torso. Neckthing simply sent ugly clothes down the runway, and they were all “auf’d.” As was Uli, despite her death-ray stares at Sweet P.

Mychael's restaurant dress

Neckthing's harem-pant jumpsuit...why, oh, why have harem pants come back??

Darling Chris March’s collection knocked it out of the park, to use one of my male guest’s expressions. Beautifully made, strong, dramatic…I want him to design a collection for moi! Are you reading this, Chris dear? He should have been given the win!

Chris's wonderfully chic restaurant dress!

Sweet P’s restaurant dress was the most interesting part of her collection: it looked like a giant walking cupcake.

Korto’s clothes were lovely, if perhaps much of a muchness. Very beautiful, very drapey and wearable, but somehow they lacked the spark I saw in her runway show in February. However, her restaurant dress was absolutely superb:

You cannot tell from this photo, but the construction was masterful and the textures extremely creative and wearable.

Daniel, of all people, got the win! His restaurant dress looked like something a mad bomber would wear; perhaps a model crazed with hunger? “Give me a cheeseburger or I’ll blow Heidi to bits!” And his clothes—ugly and uglier. And the models—I thought heroin chic went out years ago. Ugh.

So, I disagree with the judges. Ce qui est nouveau?

I shall try to post about the premiere episode of Season Six before the second episode airs, I promise!

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Project Runway's All Star Challenge: Keeping Chris March Awake

DAHLINGS --

I am still reeling from three solid hours of Project Runway. (Models Of The Runway held no interest for me, sorry.) My viewing party was a smashing success, not at least because I had the bartender put double shots in the mojitos. After The Fashion Show, it was good to watch interesting people who know what they are doing. Competence is the new black.

Because my weekend schedule is ridiculously busy and I don’t trust my assistant to type this up properly from my notes, I shall have to dictate this blog-thing in sections over the weekend. My deepest apologies; one would have liked to go at it all in one big bash.

The All-Star Challenge was so reassuring. Not because of the designers, but because it took place in NEW YORK! There were Tim Gunn and a massively pregnant Heidi Klum (will she ever stop reproducing?) on the roof with champagne, there was our beloved Mood Fabrics in the Garment District, and the overwhelming amount of product placement. At one point in the program, two of the male designers were sitting on their beds with large piles of bright green Garnier products in front of them. We never did find out why. Lotion, perhaps?

The Bluefly.com Accessory Wall is now the Macy’s Accessory Wall. I have no idea if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Dear Darling Mama used to take moi to Macy's as a wee one.

However, it was annoying that various Lifetime personalities kept appearing during the breaks in essence to announce, "You're watching Lifetime! Ha hah! We won! We got Project Runway! Bite me, Bravo!" And there was a large lump in the lower right hand of the screen, counting down the minutes to the official season premiere. I'm not sure why this seemed so deeply insulting, but I do know how to tell time.

The website reads, “Eight of your favorite designers,” which actually means, “Many were asked, few accepted.” Laura Bennet and Christian Siriano, for example, declined to appear. But it did not matter to moi. My beloved Chris March was there, and Santino Rice in all his alienating egomaniacal madness. And how wonderful to see Korto Momolu, whom I had the immense pleasure of meeting during last February’s Fashion Week.


Neckthing, aka Jeffrey Sebalia, now has a mustache ala Sam Elliot in a Hallmark Western TV-movie, and has become an untalented musician in his spare time. (His girlfriend makes Patty Smith sound melodic.)

The prize was $100,000 in cash. One could hear the saliva hitting the floor when the prize was announced. It was presented as a “multilayered challenge,” which sounded rather like Amway. Or Isagenics. The designers had to create three looks in record time, including a runway dress for Nicole Kidman to wear to the premiere of her new movie “Nine.”

It was extremely cheap for a show with such an unlimited budget to show Ms. Kidman on tape rather than live. One can report that her face is still strangely frozen, which makes her smile rather frightening.

At Mood and in the workroom, Uli Herzner and Sweet P made the unfortunate discovery that they were separated at birth. Same fabric choices, same taste, the only significant difference was Uli’s pronounced lack of tattoos. Throughout the show, Uli kept trying to vaporize Sweet P with her laser-like glare, but it didn’t work. Santino laughed incessantly (and loudly), trash-talked the other contestants, and in general behaved like the man you love to hate. And he knows it.

Chris March's workroom look was stunning, a 40's inspired plaid jacket with a huge square collar. Tim loved what Chris was doing, as did I. Although throughout the show, including during the model casting, Chris kept falling asleep. This is worrisome. Does he have sleep apnea? It was presented humorously, but I can't help being concerned. If you're reading this, my dear Chris March, do see a doctor!

(It could have been narcolepsy, but he wasn't watching The Fashion Show.)

More later, dear readers -

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Project Runway Unveils A Surprise: CHRIS MARCH!

DAHLINGS -

As we all know, Project Runway returns to the airwaves late in August. And then we can officially forget The Fashion Show ever existed. Sorry, Isaac, but indifference is the new black.

However, Internet chatter has it that the week before the actual "lost" season airs, Project Runway will have an All-Star Challenge, with my utterly adorable Chris March! I am beside myself, dahlings. The man can do no wrong in my eyes.



Also returning will be the immortal Santino, who I am sure will be doing his amazing Tim Gunn imitation at the drop of a fedora. Apparently Christian Siriano and Laura Bennett declined to return. Their loss, say I.



Your faithful correspondent does not know how the challenge will work yet, but will keep my professional snoop's nose to the ground (I'd do it myself but I don't like bending over. It's so undignified). In the meantime, here's a challenge for you: who is more airbrushed in this picture?



Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Project Runway - Drag Queens and Chris March, Oh, My!

DAHLINGS –

How many of you, mon bien-aimé lecteurs, feel that last Wednesday’s Project Runway was one of the Best Challenges in the history of the program? And with THIS sorry lot of designers, no less!

Your faithful correspondent absolutely squealed with delight when her much loved huggy-bear, Chris March, came out, dazzling as ever, as Brunhilde to announce the challenge: dressing drag queens. And I don’t squeal easily.

(At least in this episode, Heidi the Hun did not even attempt to outshine the contestants—it seems that she learned from the Women’s Wrestling challenge last season.)

Heterosexual plus-sized females (such as myself) can learn so much from drag queens. Such as how to move a large body for maximum femininity, how to hold your head high when the rest of the world thinks that you should fit the norm, and how to be fabulous at all times (at least whenever you leave the house!) And many of us do not have to worry about five o’clock shadow.

The single most “barfalicious” moment in the episode (to quote Leanne, who bears a strange resemblance to a mourning beagle), was Suede’s talking about daydreaming about his dead grandfather.

I think he is hallucinating from lack of sleep. Or perhaps the hair dye from that blue scrub-brush on his head is infiltrating his brain. Mais sérieusement, dead grandfather? Urging Sludge—er, Suede—to sprinkle seeds on Hedda Lettuce’s outfit?

Hedda was rightfully unhappy with the extremely unflattering results, and made a few changes of her own before taking the look to the runway. Don’t you KNOW that you do not cut a long glove to hit the single widest part of a person’s arm? When I watched the runway, I wondered if Hedda herself had altered the gloves. (Later I learned that indeed she had cut them; from experience, I know that rolling long gloves can create an unsightly bulge at the elbow if you have any flab there at all.) The outfit would have made the bottom three if Hedda hadn’t put all of her considerable skills to work on the runway!



Joe was the surprise of the episode. It took him a bit of time to grasp the concept, but perhaps he has a drag queen just waiting to be released! Here we see him discovering how the other half lives:



He designed the perfect outfit for the ever-delicious Varla Jean Merman, giving her an Ann-Margret look that was the rightful winner!


Terri, who has costumed drag queens, understood their aesthetic, and did an amazing job with Acid Betty, but my viewing party felt it was not true drag. Just what it was, we could not reach a consensus. Still, well done, Terri!

In the workroom, Blayne was still using that lame “licious” catchphrase, including “neonlicious.” (Hence Leanne’s “barfalicious” comment above.) Tim’s line about his costume looking like a gay pterodactryl could not be topped, so I will not try. As usual, none of the designers listened to anything Tim Gunn had to say. What is the MATTER with these twerps? One wonders if Tim goes outside onto the fire escape and screams afterward.



But dream of dreams, having dearest CHRIS MARCH critiquing the costumes in the workroom! Project Runway heaven!


He was deeply underwhelmed with Keith’s design, as who wouldn’t have been? More scraps of fabric…the man has a scrap fetish. I wonder if he sneaks around MOOD after closing hours and picks up stray bits of fabric in the night. His client, Sherry Vine, was obviously VERY unhappy on the runway.



As would anyone who was not on very powerful hallucenogens.

This week’s judge was Rupaul, who looked oddly messy and toned down. I’m not sure what look she was going for…administrative assistant who spent the night in bed with her boss, got up and forgot to comb her hair? Rupaul, we barely knew ye. Where, oh, where was the GLAMOUR that is your signature more than any others? However, unlike pitiful Sandra Bernhard, he had some excellent critiques. (One glaring exception: Keith’s dress.)



The winner was Joe, and there were shrieks of delight! Varla worked it as only she can. Absolutely drag perfection and it fits her fun, feminine personality in every way.

The loser, AT LAST, was Daniel. He designed—yes—a cocktail dress for Annika Greenkard, who bears rather an unnerving resemblance to a six-foot-tall drag Bernadette Peters. He declared that sequins would make him “throw up.” Now he can take his much-vaunted “taste level” to somewhere it will fit right in—Wal-Mart.



Although I did feel sorry for the dear boy during his exit interview, but he was probably just too young to be there.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Project Runway - Team Challenge

DAHLINGS -

Once again I have been delayed from dictating this blog-thing by a series of events, many of them far too mundane to detail. However, thanks to some clever wheeling and dealing by yours truly, my fall shops will be stocked with:
Nelly De Grab designer fashions in LARGER SIZES
Fur coats of every type and description in LARGER SIZES
Incredible vintage clothing in LARGER SIZES
Not to mention designer handbags, scarves, compacts, and shoes! It is all truly astonishing, and I am know you will share my pleasure after Labor Day.

So that means I have barely had time to think, so this week's Project Runway recap will have to be extremely short! My apologies.

Yes, weren't we all amazed that Jerrell and Stella made such a wonderful team, and such a lovely outfit? Personally, I don't agree with Brooke Shield's taste at all. But unlike Sandra Bernhard, she had interesting comments to make and an understanding of her style. (Why not, she's been in the business almost longer than she's actually been alive!) And why is being short-waisted a bad thing? Yours truly is long-waisted, which is quite hard to clothe. No one should be singled out for something so utterly minor!

The winning design, by Keith and Kenly, was hideous, and reminded me of some unfortunate tall bird with dull flapping feathers and a colorful head. At least Keith got to pick the print.

I also liked Blayne and Leanne's design, much to my amaze. When Blayne remarked, "I have friends in the music business," one's first thought was: "Blayne has friends?" The man is such a pill, as my dear darling Mama would have said. And Korto, please, don't be a disappointment to us all! Your attitude is steadily deteriorating with each episode! Soon you will be mud-wrestling your opponents in the workroom!

That's all for now. I promise to have a more comprehensive write-up later this week about the next episode, which features my darling huggy bear CHRIS MARCH!

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Project Runway's Season Five Train Wreck, er, Premiere

DAHLINGS –

Forgive me for taking so long for writing about the season premiere of “Project Runway.” The viewing party took more recovery time than one expected!

One’s first thought as the purported designers all filed into the bedrooms at the beginning was, “Who are these people, and why do I get the distinct impression most of them smell bad?”

No wonder Tim and Heidi met them outdoors on the roof. One hopes the hosts were upwind. And does anyone have news of the person killed by Tim's champagne cork?

I am not certain of who I find the most annoying of the hellish trio of Suede, Blayne, and Stella. A 37-year-old man that calls himself Suede deserves to be beaten in an alley with a 2 by 4, but that is just my humble opinion, as they say online. And as I mentioned earlier, his penchant for talking about himself in the third person is something that should only be reserved for pretentious poseurs like Madonna (oh, my apologies, she is his principal influence. What a surprise.). One of my guests yelled at the screen, “Somebody grab that bastard’s blue tuft and yank it out by the roots!”

Blayne has the double-whammy of having atrocious taste and being extremely hard to look at in close-up. Particularly without his cap-thing. I wanted to kiss Tim Gunn for causing almost all of the designers urinate on themselves by denouncing them for using tablecloths. It’s so good to have him back, isn’t it? "De-ziners, gather round! You suck already and it's only the first challenge! How am I supposed to keep my sanity and world famous savoir-faire around you people?"

In any event, Blayne's “girlicious” design was “girl-trocious”. The poor model looked like she was wearing old Kotex pads stitched to her front and back, or as if she had a terrible yeast infection that had exploded over the front of that mesh bathing suit. Yeeeecccch.



As for Stella, what gutter did the producers pull her out of? 42 year olds who dress and sound like sullen tweens are not your faithful correspondent’s favorite kind of people. Maybe we’ll get lucky and she’ll have a heroin overdose before the end of the series. (Imagine the problems the producers would have, keeping THAT news off the Internet!) That hideous dress, so devoid of inspiration—did anyone else notice that she did not start putting anything together until they had roughly four hours left? What was she doing in the meantime, besides whining?



Perhaps she was busy in the loo shooting up.

Most of the designs got the thumbs-down from my guests, and I was hard-pressed to remember who had designed what, even with a scorecard. There are so MANY designers at the start! Heidi Klum was so eager to start ripping out the designer's jugulars on the runway she virtually needed a drool cup. Nina Garcia was, as usual, a cardboard cut-out in a chair, Michael Kors has single-handedly bought out all of the Cover Girl Dark Matte Makeup in every Duane Reade in New York, but Austin was delightful. So girlish, so soignee', so playing to the camera!

My personal favorites were by Daniel and Korto. Although the poor boy needed a Xanax, the plastic cup dress actually looked wearable, as long as you didn't venture out into the summer heat:



As for Korto, her dress showed taste, style, and originality, even if she did use a tablecloth:



Naturally, I particularly liked that her bio on the official Project Runway site stated that she designs for "real, full-figured women." It will be interesting seeing her tackle one challenge on PR: dressing those stick figures they are given for models!

The winner, Kelli, made an interesting, creative dress. Others have objected to the coffee filter bra, but I thought it was a smart use of limited materials. At least she did not use a tablecloth.

STOP THE PRESSES! A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

My favorite "Project Runway" designer ever, CHRIS MARCH, is blogging about this season as only he can! It is truly hilarious, dahlings, and I have a link to it on the right. Your viewing experience isn't complete until you've read his blog (after you read mine, of course).

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

PR + WWE = Chris Wins! And The End of The Crying Game

DAHLINGS -

Be still, my heart! Although it's almost a week later, I am absolutely OVERJOYED that my dear darling huggy-bear Chris March won on "Project Runway." As soon as I saw all of those silicone-breasted musclemen/drag queens, I knew he had it in a headlock. Pardon the pun.



I SO want Chris to design my wardrobe. Er, a bit more covered up, perhaps, but I do adore leopard!

And Christian did do a marvelous job...as soon as his diva said "leather & lace" I knew they were meant for each other.



Watching Sweet P have a slow-motion nervous breakdown is quite entertaining, isn't it?

Every episode she gets a little closer to the edge; I think by next week they're going to cart her off screaming, like poor Britney Spears. (And for God's sake, would someone tell her to COVER UP those tattoos? I try not to be elitist, as you well know, but every week she wears a tiny little top. Long sleeves, PLEASE!)

As for Ricky, I know he surprised everyone by not crying at the end.

Here's one armchair psychiatrist's opinion: he has a terrible fear of success, and that's why he kept breaking down. Then, when he was auf'd, he knew he wouldn't have to be tested any more, he'd failed, and now he could go home. That bathing suit was LUDICROUS.



Between you and me, one of my favorite parts of the show was watching our Ms. Klum try to outglitz the glitziest women in show business. Sorry, Heidi, you would have done better to wear a black crepe sheath.

Off to rehearse my show, which opens in New York on February 27th! Oh, the work involved, I can hardly stand it! More later, dahlings -

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Hail Victorya! She Has Been Auf'd!

DAHLINGS -

Everyone at my viewing party was delighted to see that frozen-faced egomaniac Victorya get auf’d this week! I have never seen a beauty editor of Elle give anyone a high-five before! (Must have been the dirty martinis.) It was quite clear who was the true inspiration behind that fabulous coat the week before--Jillian. And my darling Chris is still in!

A few weeks ago I invented a drinking game—we all have a drink whenever Ricky cries. Some of my guests have to be helped home after the program!

This week, his breakdown on the runway obviously baffled Heidi. Since she is a cyborg, human emotion does not register. One could see the LCD display behind her eyes, “Does Not Compute. Error Message.” So she asked, “What’s up wichoo?”

When Ricky replied it was an emotional rollercoaster, I thought of Chris in the workroom snapping, “Get used to it!” Or at least I think that is what he said. I’d had quite a few dirty martinis before the show.

I quite agree with Tim’s Take: why Ricky’s dress? It was a tube dress, and not that well-fitting. But to be truthful, nothing stood out for moi. Your faithful correspondent never wears blue jeans (the denim would chafe so!), and the “skinny jeans” Christian came up with, although clever, would be disastrous for any woman with real legs.

A confession: my favorite part of the show are the scenes in the apartments, especially the men. Seeing Chris sitting around like a bitchy Buddha and the others trading gossip in the wee hours is the most "real" part of this particular reality show.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Project Runway's One Hour Hershey Commercial

DAHLINGS –

Isn't it annoying enough that in every episode of Project Runway we have to hear about the "Tresemme Salon," the Bluefly accessories, and Heidi Klum's hideous jewelry?? And then to have this week's challenge to be a one-hour Hershey's Candy commercial! The sheer affrontery! What next, dresses made out of Rubbermaid products? "Designers, make it work", indeed.

As I mentioned in my last, hasty blog-thing, I was relieved to see Elisa Jimenez get auf’d. Yes, yes, she was a character, she had a personality (unlike—who is that blonde person with stuff in her hair—the name escapes me—something feline—never mind). But my dears, spitting on fabric, all of those ludicrous noises, that stoned smile…but worst of all, that dreck, er, dress.



The only thing worse than the front is the back, which unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) was not photographed. Suffice to say it made the front look lovely.

Please bear in mind that I am deeply sympathetic to those who have suffered traumatic brain injury (although it did not escape one’s notice that the show’s writers saw fit not to mention it until this episode, thus insuring maximum manufactured sympathy for the poor thing).

Nevertheless, once again, one imagines the writer’s room:

“If it bleeds, it leads! The crazy babe had her head split open! America’s gonna cry its guts out when she’s auf’d! Even that bitch Heidi will have to act like she cares! Top THAT, Housewives of Orange County!”

One must admit it was a bit of a surprise that Victorya survived this debacle.



Watching the model go down the runway caused your faithful correspondent motion sickness. (One might have thought the model had the traumatic brain injury and was only now learning to walk. Oh, dear, I do hope that’s not an upcoming challenge...)

My darling huggy-bear Chris came through beautifully, obviously he has finally listened to Tim telling him to get his head out of Disneyland and into the retail business. I feel so proud…almost like a mother… although of course I am far too young.



Rami won for this creation, although as others have pointed out, one cannot be not certain whether or not he won because of the dress or because guest judge Zac Posen was drooling over the designer himself.



As for moi, I believe Kevin should have won. Look at this classic style, the craftsmanship, the fit!



Call me old-fashioned, call me a traditionalist, but mon cher amis, this was the only outfit that was wearable. (I believe that before the hapless designers were unleashed in the Hershey store they were told to make a "wearable outfit"? ) By wearable, I mean that a human being could wear it. Outside of a television studio.

Of course, I might sign a different tune if I myself had a corporate sponsor. Feel free to take the hint, Tobelerone. Or Godiva. Or hell, even Nestlé.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Project Runway: Could Someone Slap Elisa Jimenez?

Dahlings –

Deepest apologies, once again, for taking so long to get back to you, but I was whisked to fabulous PALM BEACH by a famous male celebrity for an early Christmas celebration. We stayed at the historic Breakers, but barely saw the sun, if you know what I mean. SUCH a divine change from frigid, dark Manhattan! But now I am back to the workaday world, and that means YOU.

Last week's episode, which I had Tivo'd, was by FAR the best episode of Project Runway so far this season. I know, that is not saying much. This season has been a yawn, except for Ricky’s crying and the strange close-ups of Donna Karan’s face on the previous episode. (I expect to see it on the site Awful Plastic Surgery. Her face looked like a strangely smooth potato.)

Here's an idea: having a drink every time Ricky cries would make a wonderful drinking game with your friends during Project Runway viewing parties.

I applaud the women for losing weight (although I am in favor of plus sizes). And it was certainly refreshing to see real women on the runway instead of those awful amateur models clumping awkwardly up and down.

While I was sorry to see Jack leave, my darling adorable cuddly CHRIS MARCH is back! One must confess, tears came to my eyes when they read the note he left in the workroom. Tears also came to my eyes when I saw his outfit…can’t he GET it about the costume problem? But they let him stay, that is the important part.

Elisa should be have been smacked into next week for that HIDEOUS outfit! You could not have more masterfully designed a dress made to look a heavy woman look stumpier, lumpier and wider than Tracy actually is! A big belt on a thick waist, an 80s style jacket with short sleeves, all the proportions disastrous! Bad enough Spitting Earth Goddess probably had saliva dripping all over that costume, but then to put BOOTS on her client's lovely slim legs, Tracy's best asset, for the finishing touch! One fantasizes that Elisa was “auf’d” and then a gang of heavy female bikers beat her up in the alley outside of Parsons.

Victorya (I cannot write that name without hearing the old Kinks song) designed a dress that was almost as boring as Steven’s. Working with green velvet on a handsome redhead, she might have come up with something a little less…sleep-inducing. I am still having fits of narcolepsy. I did notice what short shrift the less dramatic and well-made designs got, whipping by within seconds.

But Steven…what a catastrophic disappointment. When Tim Gunn questioned him in the fabric store about buying miles of BLACK stretch fabric, I knew Mr. Dimples's doom was sealed. Yes, the wedding dress was an atrocity, but one goes with the flow in that case! Mesh! Pearls! Lace!


Imagine what CHRIS would have done with it—or even little Hairthing! Actually, I would have loved to see what Hairthing would have done with it. How would he have made one of his exactly alike tailored little jackets with it? Boggles the imagination, doesn't it?

Not to begrudge Christian's win, I felt Kevin should have won for that super-sexy bustier.


Contrary to popular opinion, real women over the age of twenty look marvelous in strapless things, and Elyse, his client, worked it. She looked so divinely happy as she came down the runway! As did Rami’s client (who was on for about a nanosecond). Could someone tell me what on earth was going on with Heidi Klum's bangs? Did they keep tangling with her false eyelashes? And what was that white powder on her calf during the judging? Could she have spilled her cocaine prior to filming?

Besides the return of Chris, my favorite moment was Tim Gunn's confession that he'd made more bad decisions at 3 in the morning than he could list! Like Steven, I wanted names!

As for Jack, he seems to be quite all right, as this hilarious video that he posted to YouTube proves:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=evCOdcJl2PE

Who knew the man could dance? And what a body!

Now I've discovered that the show is on hiatus until January 2nd, the slackers.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog