Get Out And VOTE, Dahlings! And Then Have Cake.

DAHLINGS -



Today I did the unthinkable. I mingled with the huddled masses, the general public, the (ugh) common people. It is the sort of action which I avoid at all costs.



The reason I overcame my loathing? To VOTE, of course!



We cannot allow the maniacs and the Tea Partiers to gain even a significant foothold in our government. Just because they scream the loudest does not mean they have a right to override the progress of the last few years. As most of my dear readers know, I strive to stay apolitical on my blog-thing, but this is simply too important. It does not matter if you are a Democrat or a Republican, you owe it to the process of participatory democracy. (A dear friend taught me that phrase; it took me half an hour to pronounce it properly.)



So do not sit upon your derrieres and decide that this election is "not worth it" or "already settled" or that it is "too much trouble."



If I can force myself to vote, anyone can. So do your civic duty, put on your smartest outerwear, and get yourself to your nearest polling place. And then reward yourself with the pastry of your choice.



Because what is a democracy without cake?



Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Sarah Palin, As Only William Shatner Can Do Her!

DAHLINGS -

Once again, get your minds out of the gutter! (Besides, the mental image is...um, how do I say this politely...disturbing.)


Sarah Palin in happier days

The speech Sarah Palin gave the other day was widely considered (rightly) to be incoherent, so the wonderful Conan O'Brien asked the immortal thespian and Priceline.com spokesman William Shatner to read it as a poem:

http://bit.ly/17MpRz

It is just under two minutes of sheer brilliance, mon cher lecteurs. Bask in the magnificence that is all things Shatner.


William Shatner on "Match Game," 1970s

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Bringing Beauty to Washington, DC!

DAHLINGS -

With the upcoming inauguration of President-elect Obama, the media has begun squawking away about the impending "return to glamour" and "re-emergence of Camelot" and similar nonsense. Female politicos are panicking. Suddenly there is tremendous pressure about not appearing their best in the new administration. During the Bush administration one could look like a billy goat and it did not hurt one's credibility. In fact, it helped.

But with the elegant Michelle Obama becoming First Lady, suddenly all of the Capitol Hill femmes, particularly those of high profile and dumpy blue suits, are terrified that they will be scrutinized as closely as celebrities. That could mean appearing in the pages of "US" magazine in the "Why Did She Wear That??" section. And then how could you get your appropropriations bill passed?

So, your faithful correspondent and an entourage of assistants were whisked off to Washington this past weekend with a truckload of designer fashions! We were booked into several suites in the fabulous Willard Hotel on Pennsylvania Avenue, a mere block or two away from the White House. My hand still aches from signing all of those confidentiality agreements!

Our floor had to be "Secret Service Cleared" so that all of the luminaries could be fitted in comfort and safety. Several lady Secret Service agents requested their uniforms be tailored in a more shapely cut. My seamstresses had their work cut out for them (pardon the pun), particularly because of the body armor and holsters.

The biggest obstacle to my work was not the figures of the women--I believe there is beauty in every shape and size, as you well know. It was the mindset: rigid conformity to outdated fashion norms, fear of change, fear of appearing "weak" if wearing anything too feminine. Since you, my faithful readers, know that I do not appear "weak" in the least, even wearing a wisp of chiffon and stiletto heels, you also know that these fears were simply too maddening! Several times I had to retire to the hotel's Round Robin Bar for a quick mojito to quell my rising temper.

Difficult clients are one thing; but difficult clients with immense legislative power must be handled with tact and delicacy, something I could only manage with some alcohol sloshing through my system.

If I may opine for a moment, I believe that suits are detrimental to women in politics. For one thing, female politicians have to wave all of the time. And we know that suits bunch up and pull over to one side when a woman waves--particularly if there are shoulder pads. Now, we are used to men looking that awkward, but women should be spared. Hillary Clinton, if you are reading this, please do stop wearing suits! You have such lovely curves, why not a dress now and then?

Oh, and the Inaugural Ball gowns...MTV is hosting the Inaugural Ball, which also wreaked emotional (and public relations) havoc amongst the women. High-neck? Low-neck? Contemporary look? Conservative? (You try getting a Republican who isn't Sarah Palin to wear a fitted, low-cut gown...a recipe for blinding migraines, mon chers.)

However, I was flown back from Washington, the trunks empty, my coffers bulging, and my wrist aching. If I have just a tiny bit of impact on how women in Washington look, that is all I ask.

That, and a hefty fee.

God Bless America.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky The Wonderdog

Barack Obama Elected President!

DAHLINGS -

I held a gathering of selected friends, both Democrat and Republican, to watch the election results. As the evening went on (and the cocktail consumption increased), the Democrats grew louder and happier and the Republicans grew quieter. Finally they went into the corner of the room and started muttering amongst themselves. Ever the gracious hostess, I adjured them to return to the party, but "party" was definitely the wrong choice of words. "We did, and look where it got us!" one of my guests snapped at me.

I chose to overlook his rudeness and return to the center of the room. When Obama was announced the winner, there was an eruption of cheers both in my living room and out on the street. His speech was quite stirring (even if the occasional cutaways to Oprah Winfrey and her strangely drooping false eyelashes were a distraction). Even your faithful correspondent found herself smiling and brushing away a tear or two.

The only questions I have after last night are:
What was Michelle Obama thinking with that dress??



Here is a graciously stylish woman, wearing a black and red fright that made her look like she had what the tabloids love to call a huge "baby bump". Had she been temporarily possessed by Sharon Osbourne?



What will Sarah Palin do with those clothes? My guess is that they will be donated to the Palin Foundation For Empty Closets, located in Wasilla. Call it intuition.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Remember to VOTE, Dahlings!

DAHLINGS -

They are warning here in New York City that the lines will be long at the polling places. I did my level best to convince the local officials to allow me to vote from the privacy of my own home, or at the very least provide a chair for me to sit in comfortably while I waited, but no. I refuse to wear flats, even for my country. There is a limit to patriotism.

Of course, I could try to be there at 6 AM, when my local polls open, but really...! It's all I can do to arise before noon, how can they expect a woman to be there at such an ungodly hour? How bourgeois. Be that as it may, Bucky and I will be there tomorrow, ready to cast my/our vote. If I have to mill around with the great unwashed, so be it.

People who proudly proclaim they don't vote are beneath contempt, in my unhumble opinion. Perhaps nothing profoundly different will come of this election, but that does not allow one to remove oneself entirely from the democratic process that America was founded upon. (Having to think all of the Deep Thoughts I have had to in recent days has given me such a long-lasting, pounding headache I simply cannot wait for this all to be over.)

When it is, I can give myself over to the truly important thing in life: Fashion In The True Sense.

Unless, God help us, Sarah Palin gets into office. Imagine: one malignant carcinoma away from the presidency.

I shall see you at the polls...but please do not approach me.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Sarah Palin's $150K Makeover: The Common Touch

DAHLINGS –

So, is this what would happen if a hockey mom won the lottery?

The newspapers have been buzzing with the news that the Republican National Committee decided to play Rachel Zoe with Sarah Palin to the tune of $150,000. Although your faithful correspondent feels that the RNC did a better job than Zoe would—one shudders to think of Palin giving her acceptance speech, hair parted in the middle, in a swirling tiered oversized chiffon maxi dress. (But on the other hand, the question of Palin’s credibility would have been instantly moot.)

Despite her beauty queen past, Palin was perilously close to frumpy in the months before destiny descended on her vastly unprepared shoulders. She favored a frizzy upswept hairdo with highlights that seemed meant to blind oncoming moose at night. (Those Alaska roads can be so treacherous.) The woman wore fleece, for pity's sake; need one say more?



Over John McCain’s squeaky objections, Palin was selected to be the Vice Presidential nominee, and instantly the image machine went to work. In September and October make-up artist Amy Strozzi earned about $36,000 and her hair stylist Angela Lew earned $19,000. There are moments when one thinks they are trying to remake her into a younger, sexier Elizabeth Dole. (Who, by the way, now has blinding blonde highlights of her own.) Department stores were looted for designer labels: St. John, my darling Oscar de la Renta, and Escada. Palin’s hair was darkened, smoothed, and she was even convinced to wear it down around her shoulders. (Cf. my earlier entry: "Sarah Palin - A Man Made Woman?")

Her clothing is carefully chosen to show off her trim figure, which GOP consultants feel “appeals to white male voters.” We already know she does not need to actually wear glasses, but without them she would look so generic one could not tell which politician’s fashionable wife she was.



For her acceptance speech she wore a beautiful silk shantung Valentino outfit. Many of her outfits feature belts around the waist or an hourglass cut, and she is often seen striding about in boots. Perhaps that appeals to “white male voters who long to be spanked.” Stranger things have happened in politics.



However, it does dent Palin’s image as a hard-working middle class mom (toting around her tot helps…personally, I think it is either kept heavily drugged or she is carrying a large doll. What sort of child never cries or throws up on the person carrying it? That is why I never handle children, myself).

She claims she will give the clothes to charity after she is elected. That’s a bit like saying vous donner la cher de vol de steak après avoir mangé, for lack of a better metaphor. The woman has even been reduced, in interviews, to cataloging what does and does not belong to her whenever she steps out fully dressed. (At least that way she doesn’t have to answer any hard questions about foreign policy or who Henry Paulson is and why she should care.

Now, a confession. I think the RNC does have quite good taste in clothes, if a touch bland. Certainly better than poor Cindy McCain, who always looks like she just put her finger in a light socket when she’s on the public stage.

Michelle Obama has beautiful taste in clothes as well and always has. For that she has been called “elitist.” Apparently it’s “elitist” to buy your own designer clothes, and “common” to allow rich white men to buy them for you.

Which, upon reflection, seems oddly appropriate, don’t you think? One supposes that appeals to "white male voters who wish they could afford a trophy Vice President."

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Iron-Jawed Angels In Lovely Hats and Dresses

DAHLINGS -

I am certain that there are those of you out there who are convinced that I have been turned into a shrieking harpy by this election season--

BE QUIET, YOU! I HEARD THAT LOW CHUCKLE! IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR JOB YOU'LL KEEP YOUR FERAL GRUNTING NOISES TO YOURSELF!

Peasant.

Now, where was I? Oh, politics. Mon bien-aimé lectrices (you gentlemen are included, too), please do take a moment to read this piece, which was sent to me this morning by a dear friend. It concerns Women And the Vote.

*****

IF WE EVER KNEW...THIS IS WHY WOMEN SHOULD VOTE.

This is the story of our Grandmothers and Great-grandmothers; they lived only 90 years ago. Remember, it was not until 1920 that women were granted the right to go to the polls and vote.



The women were defenseless, but they were jailed nonetheless for picketing the White House, carrying signs asking for the vote.


Lucy Burns
And by the end of the night, they were barely alive. Forty prison guards wielding clubs and their warden's blessing went on a rampage against the 33 women wrongly convicted of 'obstructing sidewalk traffic.' They beat Lucy Burns, chained her hands to the cell bars above her head and left her hanging for the night, bleeding and gasping for air.


Dora Lewis
They hurled Dora Lewis into a dark cell, smashed her head against an iron bed and knocked her out cold. Her cellmate, Alice Cosu, thought Lewis was dead, and suffered a heart attack. Additional affidavits describe the guards grabbing, dragging, beating, choking, slamming, pinching, twisting and kicking the women.

Thus unfolded the 'Night of Terror' on Nov. 15, 1917, when the warden at the Occoquan Workhouse in Virginia ordered his guards to teach a lesson to the suffragists imprisoned there because they dared to picket Woodrow Wilson's White House for the right to vote. For weeks, the women's only water came from an open pail. Their food--all of it colorless slop--was infested with worms.


Alice Paul
When one of the leaders, Alice Paul, embarked on a hunger strike, they tied her to a chair, forced a tube down her throat and poured liquid into her until she vomited. She was tortured like this for weeks until word was smuggled out to the press.
http://memory.loc.gov/ammem/collections/suffrage/nwp/prisoners.pdf

So, refresh my memory. Some women won't vote this year because why, exactly? We have carpool duties? We have to get to work? Our vote doesn't matter? It's raining?

Last week, I went to a sparsely attended screening of HBO's new movie 'Iron Jawed Angels.' It is a graphic depiction of the battle these women waged so that I could pull the curtain at the polling booth and have my say. It is jarring to watch Woodrow Wilson and his cronies try to persuade a psychiatrist to declare Alice Paul insane so that she could be permanently institutionalized.

And it is inspiring to watch the doctor refuse. Alice Paul was strong, he said, and brave. That didn't make her crazy. The doctor admonished the men: 'Courage in women is often mistaken for insanity.'

What would those women think of the way I use, or don't use, my right to vote? All of us take it for granted now, not just younger women, but those of us who did seek to learn.

HBO released the movie on video and DVD . I wish all history, social studies and government teachers would include the movie in their curriculum, and anywhere else women gather. I realize this isn't our usual idea of socializing, but we are not voting in the numbers that we should be, and a little shock therapy is in order.

Please, pass this on to all the women you know. We need to get out and vote and use this right that was fought so hard for by these very courageous women. Whether you vote democratic, republican or independent party - remember to vote.

History is being made.

************

Well! That was certainly a strong brew, wasn't it? I confess that I did not read it in its entirety, but I did admire the pretty dresses many of the women were wearing. Mon dieu, that makes me sound like an intelligent Sarah Palin. Pardonnez moi!

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Sarah Palin - A Man-Made Woman?

DAHLINGS –

Forgive me for writing about politics, but the events of recent days have been causing me to think Deep Thoughts. Since I am not in the habit of doing so, I keep getting these blinding headaches, which are not helped by my assistant’s insistence on watching the news. I’ve ordered the fool to keep the plasma on the Style Network, but does she listen? Non!

I try not to keep up with popular culture, but it seems I remember a movie some years ago about two teenage boys who concocted a machine that would create their “perfect woman.” It was called Beard Science or some such. Of course I’ve never seen it, but the premise does stick with one.

Particularly when watching Governor Sarah Palin delicately tip-toeing through this God-awful campaign, trying to say as little as possible (at least when there are no teleprompters around). Today she made the news in two significant moments:

The Prime Minister of Pakistan proclaimed she was “gorgeous”.

And she managed to answer a whole four questions from a small group of reporters. Oh, my! Very good, Sarah dear! Most of it was the usual la-di-da about September 11 (I apologize, but when you live here, it does become a wee bit tiresome having one of your greatest local tragedies turned into a device that can be pulled out like a secret decoder ring whenever a politician feels threatened).

This woman may soon have the second-highest position in the United States government, and she is even less prepared for it than Flava-Flav.



One might say that Sarah Palin does represent the hockey moms of America (not that I know any personally), because if you walked up to one at Mall of America and asked them to give a substantive answer to a question about the House Financial Services Committee, they would probably give you a blank stare and respond, “Huh?” Dans la stupidité qu'il y ait unite, if you don’t mind my saying so.

Obviously Palin was chosen because of her ex-beauty queen good looks, her ability to act (she was a weather girl or sportscaster or some sort of broadcast bottom-feeder), and her ability to walk across a wide stage looking resolute. She is the tabloid audience's dream of a female politician, capable of baking cookies with one hand and slaughtering moose with the other. Not like Hillary, who kept insisting on being well-informed.

For gravitas, Palin wears unneeded glasses and keeps her long hair piled up (the unconscious suggestion being to the viewer that she could be on “Female Politicos Gone Wild” if she took it down). If she does not become the Vice President, Palin would make an ideal morning show style reporter.

Only men could have thought up a woman this perfect.

*

As long as she doesn’t say anything. That is, anything former Bush speechwriter Matthew Scully hasn’t written for her.

Oh, dear, I must go take some aspirin and lie down with a copy of Marie-Claire. This has been simply too much for moi.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

* "Vogue" cover courtesy of Salon.com

Governor Sarah Palin--Bucky Wants You To Read This!

Dahlings -

I do try to steer away from politics, but I simply had to share this with you. I've seen the advertisement referenced, and I urge anyone who loves animals to take immediate action! Those of you who enjoy hunting, please do not send in your comments...they will be immediately deleted. Nothing personal, but yours truly feels that certain kinds of arguments belong only in the areas of hemlines and lipstick colors, no reference intended.

*******************************************************************************

Tell Everyone You Know About Governor Palin's Brutal Record
Our hard-hitting TV ad is running in key swing states right now.
Tell others about Governor Palin’s wolf killing record and help us reach even more voters today.


Thanks to the unprecedented support of more than 14,000 donors, our ad is on the air in Ohio and Florida where millions of voters are learning more about vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin’s values -- and her brutal record on aerial hunting of wolves and other wildlife.Encourage your friends to watch the ad online and help us reach even more people with the awful truth about Governor Sarah Palin’s brutal record aerial wolf hunting.

With your help, we’re breaking this story wide open. This hard-hitting TV ad has already been seen by nearly 300,000 people online. It’s been covered by many news outlets, including CNN, ABC, MSNBC, The Wall Street Journal, The LA Times, several Ohio newspapers and more. And thanks to the generous donations of people like you, millions of people in Ohio and Florida know the truth about Governor Palin’s brutal record. Now, thanks to the phenomenal contributions of wildlife supporters like you, we’ll be able to extend our TV ad buy in Ohio and Florida, air it in Michigan -- and beyond.You can help us reach even more potential voters online. Help spread the word about Governor Palin’s support for aerial killing of wolves and other wildlife. The more voters learn about Governor Sarah Palin, the less there is to like.

Nearly 300,000 people have watched our ad on YouTube. Here's what some viewers are saying:
"Shooting animals from an airplane is as low as it can get. I take that back, offering $150 for each paw is even worse. "-- utubewtch
r"I'm an independent voter - when I heard about Palin's support of aerial wolf killing, I knew right off that 'she's definitely NOT like me'."-- 33tracker

But as you can imagine, running a TV ad during election season is expensive. There are still millions of potential voters across the U.S. who haven’t learned the truth about Governor Palin’s brutal aerial hunting program -- millions who don’t yet know about her proposal to dole out $150 for the severed forelegs of dead wolves.Help us expose the awful truth about Sarah Palin before it’s too late. Tell others about Governor Sarah Palin’s record on the brutal and unethical hunting of wolves from airplanes.With your help, we can ensure that voters know the truth about Sarah Palin.

With Gratitude,
Rodger Schlickeisen
President
Defenders of Wildlife Action Fund

P.S. Right now, my team is preparing another powerful TV ad to air in key swing states. To help us reach more voters with the ad above and place our new ad, please make a secure online contribution now. Or call 1-800-425-4632 to contribute by phone.
Privacy Policy Contact Us Donate Now Defenders of Wildlife Action Fund Home


© Copyright 2008, Defenders of Wildlife Action Fund
Defenders of Wildlife Action Fund provides a powerful voice in Washington to Americans who value our conservation heritage. Through grassroots lobbying, issue advocacy and political campaigns, the Action Fund champions those laws and lawmakers that protect wildlife and wild places while working against those that do them harm.
Defenders of Wildlife Action Fund can be contacted at: 1130 17th Street, NWWashington, DC 20036

Imitation of Life At The NY Television Reality School

DAHLINGS –



My apologies, I know that you are all wondering why there has not been a recent report from the Bryant Park tents. “Where are you?” some have emailed. “Fashion Week is simply a waste of time without your periscope to gaze at it through.” Flattery will get you everywhere, as the saying goes.



The title is a reference to a movie that starred my dear, dead friend Lana Turner. I've never had the heart to tell her I think it's a terrible remake of the original Claudette Colbert version made in the 1930s. Lana does not take criticism well.



However, if I had a nickel for every time someone said, “Your life should be on television”…I’d be as rich as I am now, which is fabulously rich. In the same spirit of inquiry that brought my ancestors to this country (from what other country I have no idea, dear darling Mama refused to say), I decided to let a friend lead me to the New York Reality Television School.



Yes, you read that correctly. The New York Reality Television School, where hopefuls go to be taught how to relax in front of a battery of cameras, tell their stories in a concise 30 seconds, and pitch television ideas. Since I am quite used to being in front of batteries of cameras, that part held no terror for me. As for telling my story in thirty seconds…well…



The course is taught by a curly-haired whirling dervish Robert Galinsky, who reminded me of no one so much as the Russian poet Lermontov. (Look it up.) He was helped by a battery of reality television stars, such as Jose Bendersky from Animal Planet, some pert little thing from VH1, and (gasp!) a model from “Project Runway”, season four! I shall devote a later entry to our encounter…suffice to say it was fascinating, and I shall have to stop making sport of the models after this.







Not to mention several casting directors, including the handsomely chiseled Robert Russell, and a young woman in a brown dress who claimed that working in reality television helped her promote her feminist agenda. Anything you say, dear, anything you say.



The evening was held in Chelsea in a tiny television studio, where the walls were painted an unnervingly bright shade of green (presumably what they call “green-screen green”). I dressed down for the occasion, in a tailored pants outfit and low heels, but I was still by far the tallest woman in the room. Gazing around, I saw any number of petite, pretty, interchangeable young girls with bright eyes and exposed breasts. “Well,” I told myself, “at least they have some flesh on their bones, even if it is all in their push-up bras.” After days of looking at withered runway models, it was a bit of fresh air.



The men, on the other hand, were far more diverse, ranging from the handsome to the smarmy to the terribly shy, of all heights and shapes. But isn’t that how television is?



We started by doing physical warm-up exercises, followed by dancing, which I found quite enjoyable, even if I did perspire in my silk blouse a tad. During the evening there were lectures by the television pros, but it all seemed to boil down to one essential thing: self-confidence. That, and knowing when to powder your forehead to keep it from shining under the lights.



My self-confidence has never been an issue, but I could see for many of the other students it was a major hurdle. One young man, who wants to be on “American Idol, “ sang in a sweet tenor that earned applause, and the beauteous Queen Esther, a well-known jazz singer, also belted out a number. (In the interest of honest disclosure, Queen Esther has been a customer of mine, buying my smaller dresses.) A tall Irishman, Evan, solemnly recounted his desire to be on “Law and Order,” because he had killed seventeen people already. I do hope he was joking. Later he disclosed he had a lifelong medical condition that needs constant attention, and wanted to do a reality show about his life called “When Irish Eyes Aren’t Smiling.”



When it was my turn, I was told my life sounded too much like a soap opera! Well. Opera, perhaps, GRAND opera, but not soap opera. (I should like to be played by Kiri Te Kanawa in her prime.) However, these people were hardly my peers, so I ignored them.







Robert Galinsky’s brother Philip, an actor with the intensity of Christopher Walken mixed with Robert de Niro, did a section called “On The Grill With Phil,” where luckless contestants had to audition for television programs or be thrown off the stage. One poor woman had a complete meltdown and stormed off the stage. I do hope she gets the professional help she needs. Si vous ne pouvez pas prendre la chaleur, restez hors de la cuisine.



When it was all over, we exhausted students flopped back into our chairs for a Q & A which included several reality show producers, New York Times reporter and author Abby Ellin, author of the book “Teenage Waistland.” Many technical behind-the-scenes secrets about reality television were revealed, all fascinating. To sum up, I had a wonderful time, even if I was largely ignored in favor of the little pretty things. Ah well, as they say, that’s show biz.



However, if you think you have what it takes to star on reality television, be it “Survivor,” “The Apprentice,” or “America’s Top Skittle Player,” do take a look at The New York Reality Television School. It has a proven track record of success, and your faithful correspondent learned a great deal, which I'm not telling...you'll have to go to school for it.

http://www.newyorkrealitytvschool.com/

As for moi, it’s back to the tents, and REAL reality! Or , what passes for it.



Ciao,



Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog



P.S. Q: What is the difference between Sarah Palin and a pit bull?

A: Sarah Palin stands on her hind legs.