DAHLINGS -
Happy November 13!
And I've had a traditional November 13. First, the maid came in with the news that she had tried to wash a Charles James chiffon gown in the washing machine. She's currently locked in the utility closet.
Then I decided to take Fletcher for a walk in the park myself, since it isn't raining. I concealed my true identity with a peacoat (ugh), sunglasses and one of those conductor hats every woman in New York in wearing. As if wearing flats wasn't bad enough, a young man decided to show me his knife. His explanation was that he was not robbing or threatening me, just that he was proud of it. The young man had stabbed another gentleman the previous evening in a bar fight.
"Don't you think you should put that away?" I asked with as much sang-froid as I could.
"It's okay, I have a card," he responded. As twisted as this sounds, that is EXACTLY what happened. Then he told me that he had a gun in the back waistband of his pants. The young man let me walk away. This is why I have a driver and Leo walks Fletcher.
After I reported the youth to the police, I retreated upstairs for a restorative cup of tea. Oh, who am I fooling, it was a straight shot of bourbon.
Leo came in with my messages. A close relative needs surgery. This day simply keeps getting more delightful, and it's not even lunchtime yet.
I felt this song expressed how I feel at the moment. The first 1.17 minute is a spoken intro, which you can feel free to skip.
I should mention that I am Italian. So this seemed apropos. The original is in the first person, but I couldn't find a proper video for it.
One thinks that this is a cue to spend the rest of the day in bed with Fletcher and a hot toddy. No gentleman callers. God KNOWS what could happen.
Hope your day is far better than mine.
Ciao,
Elisa
Showing posts with label nothing to do with fashion sorry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nothing to do with fashion sorry. Show all posts
Friday, January 13, 2012
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Let Loose The Attache' Case of War: Mercury Falls by Rob Kroese
DAHLINGS -
You might think that reviews are not my bailiwick, but a survey of this blog-thing will show that I have reviewed books, films, and of course, television.
Mercury Falls is the first in a series by humor writer Rob Kroese, whose day job is as a pastor. In an interview, when asked his greatest influence, he starts off with the Bible, but corrects himself to say Douglas Adams.
Hence, my review of this tome must start with a disclaimer: I am an atheist. Not only am I an atheist by choice, I am an atheist by upbringing. I know not the Lord’s Prayer. I have only glanced through the Bible. (Not enough descriptions of the clothes, for one thing.) The longing for spiritual meaning is to me as foreign as wanting to be a contract lawyer. And I have never read Douglas Adams, either. So if you are a big fan of those books, you might want to stop right here.
Since Mercury Falls assumes knowledge of the Bible and Christianity, quite a bit of the story was perplexing. Was there supposed to be higher meaning to the organizations and conflicts therein? Some organizational principle that this reviewer simply didn’t know? Perhaps. It is an entertaining read, but pour moi, often confusing. However, Kroese has a quick wit and a way with dialogue that pulled me through.
Imagine, if you will, that the Apocalypse is nigh. And nigh. And nigh. That is the hamster wheel career of reporter Christine Temetri. The unlucky lass covers apocalyptic cults for The Banner, a religious publication. The hitch is that the Apocalypse never shows up. And Christine is getting End Times burn-out.
As she is about to quit, her editor gives her an assignment that leads her to Gabriel Mercury, an angel who has gone rogue. He has forsaken the task of arranging the end of humanity for beer, ping-pong and Rice Krispy treats. (I heartily agree with him.) While Christine remains a bit of a cipher throughout, Mercury is engaging (at one point he compares the Apocalypse without the Antichrist to "The King And I without Yul Brynner"). The most entertaining participant, for me, is the petulant Antichrist, Karl Grissom. Up until the start of his reign, Karl has been living with his mother and playing videogames. The latter is excellent preparation for being the Antichrist, as far as your devoted epistler is concerned. This is an up to dateArmageddon. The Four Attaché Cases of the Apocalypse have been loosed. A reference to the Attaché Case of Death made me laugh out loud.
Part of the opening set piece, a small-time cult leader invoking the Bridegroom with the help of some local girls as the Ten Virgins, is very funny. As is the assassination attempt on Karl’s life in front of a restaurant giving out free cheeseburgers. But the plot is absolutely Byzantine. The opening set piece was only part of a long chapter, most of which could be distilled down to a few sentences. Angels and devils all abound, and linoleum figures into the story as well.
The writing is witty, but Kroese needs to overcome a fondness for an overly-jokey, self-congratulatory style. And footnotes. The latter seem to be more for the author’s entertainment than the reader’s. The ending of Mercury Falls is abrupt, as if the novel had run out of ideas. Heaven knows this novel has ideas aplenty, pardon the pun And the last chapter is…well…annoyingly self-indulgent. Its main purpose is to deflect any criticism of the story being too dense, too long, and having footnotes.
But if you are a fan of Douglas Adams and writers of his ilk, this book may well be your cup of myrrh. Kroese is a writer who needs an editor to pare down his text and thereby polish his wit.
You can find it at http://www.amazon.com/Mercury-Falls-Robert-Kroese/
Ciao,
Elisa
You might think that reviews are not my bailiwick, but a survey of this blog-thing will show that I have reviewed books, films, and of course, television.
Mercury Falls is the first in a series by humor writer Rob Kroese, whose day job is as a pastor. In an interview, when asked his greatest influence, he starts off with the Bible, but corrects himself to say Douglas Adams.
Hence, my review of this tome must start with a disclaimer: I am an atheist. Not only am I an atheist by choice, I am an atheist by upbringing. I know not the Lord’s Prayer. I have only glanced through the Bible. (Not enough descriptions of the clothes, for one thing.) The longing for spiritual meaning is to me as foreign as wanting to be a contract lawyer. And I have never read Douglas Adams, either. So if you are a big fan of those books, you might want to stop right here.
Since Mercury Falls assumes knowledge of the Bible and Christianity, quite a bit of the story was perplexing. Was there supposed to be higher meaning to the organizations and conflicts therein? Some organizational principle that this reviewer simply didn’t know? Perhaps. It is an entertaining read, but pour moi, often confusing. However, Kroese has a quick wit and a way with dialogue that pulled me through.
Imagine, if you will, that the Apocalypse is nigh. And nigh. And nigh. That is the hamster wheel career of reporter Christine Temetri. The unlucky lass covers apocalyptic cults for The Banner, a religious publication. The hitch is that the Apocalypse never shows up. And Christine is getting End Times burn-out.
As she is about to quit, her editor gives her an assignment that leads her to Gabriel Mercury, an angel who has gone rogue. He has forsaken the task of arranging the end of humanity for beer, ping-pong and Rice Krispy treats. (I heartily agree with him.) While Christine remains a bit of a cipher throughout, Mercury is engaging (at one point he compares the Apocalypse without the Antichrist to "The King And I without Yul Brynner"). The most entertaining participant, for me, is the petulant Antichrist, Karl Grissom. Up until the start of his reign, Karl has been living with his mother and playing videogames. The latter is excellent preparation for being the Antichrist, as far as your devoted epistler is concerned. This is an up to dateArmageddon. The Four Attaché Cases of the Apocalypse have been loosed. A reference to the Attaché Case of Death made me laugh out loud.
Part of the opening set piece, a small-time cult leader invoking the Bridegroom with the help of some local girls as the Ten Virgins, is very funny. As is the assassination attempt on Karl’s life in front of a restaurant giving out free cheeseburgers. But the plot is absolutely Byzantine. The opening set piece was only part of a long chapter, most of which could be distilled down to a few sentences. Angels and devils all abound, and linoleum figures into the story as well.
The writing is witty, but Kroese needs to overcome a fondness for an overly-jokey, self-congratulatory style. And footnotes. The latter seem to be more for the author’s entertainment than the reader’s. The ending of Mercury Falls is abrupt, as if the novel had run out of ideas. Heaven knows this novel has ideas aplenty, pardon the pun And the last chapter is…well…annoyingly self-indulgent. Its main purpose is to deflect any criticism of the story being too dense, too long, and having footnotes.
But if you are a fan of Douglas Adams and writers of his ilk, this book may well be your cup of myrrh. Kroese is a writer who needs an editor to pare down his text and thereby polish his wit.
You can find it at http://www.amazon.com/Mercury-Falls-Robert-Kroese/
Ciao,
Elisa
Saturday, May 28, 2011
"Moving On" Commentary with "David Shore" & "Greg Yaitanes'
DAHLINGS -
With all of the tumult going on qua my last entry, I thought we could all do with some fun.
The Season Seven DVDs are shortly to be coming out. One of the much-awaited extras is the finale, "Moving On," with commentary by David Shore and Greg Yaitanes.
I must emphasize that I DID NOT WRITE THIS. It was written by my dear friend Nancy, and published with her permission. Again, I DID NOT WRITE THIS. So give Nancy the compliments, not moi. But I think it's tres amusant.
Title: "MOVING ON"; A DVD Extra Commentary fanfiction
Disclaimer: This is a fictional piece featuring a fictional executive producer David Shore and a fictional director Greg Yaitanes. Any resemblance to anyone real, or that we are familiar with, is completely coincidental. Much like House in the last episode.
Note: Italics show scene descriptions or spoken lines from the finale, "Moving On".
"MOVING ON"; A DVD Extra Commentary
House makes his way back to the car after seeing Cuddy having a nice time with a strange man, her sister and her sister's husband. He fingers the hairbrush as he climbs in.
Wilson: What just happened?
House; Get out.
Wilson: What just happened?
House: Get out.
Wilson: House, what are you mad about? Just let it out. You'll feel better.
Wilson gets out of the car.
David Shore (DS): That damn Wilson character annoys me with his constant caring and concern.
Greg Yaitanes (GY): Yeah well, can't have a tough brooding anti-hero without a goofy sidekick. Besides, Leonard fills up screen time.
DS: Who?
GY: Never mind.
DS: I think he should have kept Wilson in the car.
GY: But then he would have risked killing him.
DS: No one is going to get hurt. Just because it is a 1972 Dodge with no airbags doesn't mean anyone is at risk.
House drives down the street and begins to turn the car around
DS: Whatever happened to House's Corvette?
GY: Volger made him give it away.
DS: But House never listened to Volger.
GY: Want me to bring it back in Season 8? He could have it on the island.
DS: How will we explain it's sudden reappearance?
GY: We have to explain things?
House begins to pick up speed
GY: Awesome!! We're coming to my favorite part. He's gonna do it!!
DS: Of course he's going to do it. He's under contract.
GY: Too bad Lisa didn't renew.
DS: Who?
GY: You know, the chick with boobs.
DS: The model?
GY: Nah, the older one. The one in the house.
DS: Whatever, that was a Katie Jacobs' thing, not my vision. We don't really need any women on this show. Well, maybe one, but that always could be a hooker. Our female fans always enjoy women presented as nothing more than sexual fantasies.
GY: Or one night stands for Chase and Taub,
DS: I know, cool, huh?
House spins the car to the left onto the driveway and then the lawn, going at top speed. Wilson jumps out of the way.
DS: Now watch as our speeding hero instantly figures out the trajectory of the car, the layout of the house to be certain there are no support beams he might hit, positions the car to crash in a way that hurts neither himself nor anyone in the house and...assures that the car won't explode.
GY: And he does this all while high on a month's supply of Vicodin, consumed with rage, and while speeding as fast as he can go!
DS: That's why we call him a genius!
GY: How does he know that Rachel isn't in the house? Or one of Julie's little kids?
DS: Who's Julie?
GY: Cuddy's sister.
DS: I thought she was named Lucinda.
GY: I thought so too but the fans wrote to us to tell us no.
DS: We still have fans? I thought we got rid of those this season?
GY: I'm working on it, I'm working on it. These things take time, you know.
DS: Don't be so sensitive, Greg. Anyway, I don't know about any kids of Lucinda, er, Julie, but Rachel is at Arlene's house.
GY: Yeah, but how did House know that?
DS: Cuddy mentioned it in one of the sneak peaks. That's how he knew.
GY: House watches his own sneak peaks?
DS: Shut up and watch the crash.
Crash! Right into the dining room. The table is destroyed, a light falls from the ceiling. Car door opens with a concerted push.
GY: Kaboom!!!!!
DS: And look, he's not even wearing a seat belt. And yet he doesn't have so much as a scratch.
GY: Not to mention he checked himself out of the ICU that morning.
DS. I know. Is he is a cool super hero or what? Er, I mean anti hero.
GY: I guess you were right, House knew exactly what he was doing. No one was hurt.
DS: Exactly. House isn't a killer you know. He is just a boyfriend that is a bit upset. He needed to make Cuddy understand how he feels.
GY: Yeah, it is not like he could have talked to her like she wanted him to.
DS: Of course not, he is all about action, not words.
GY: Right. He had to show her that it isn't acceptable for her to carry on with her life and the life of her child when House is out there having to find comfort in the arms of multiple hookers and a green-card wife.
DS: Exactly my point.
House climbs around the car, and over glass and debris, to hand back Cuddy's hairbrush.
DS: See, he is willing to do whatever it takes to return Cuddy's hairbrush. He is a man of principle! There is a code he lives by, even if society doesn't always approve.
GY: Yeah, he is great guy. Especially the way he risks getting all cut up again after having done self surgery just last week. I wish I could be like him.
DS: Feel free to live vicariously through House. I do.
GY: Is the hairbrush symbolic of something?
DS: Nah, I was hoping that House could spank Cuddy with it when he returned it, but the actress wouldn't agree. She said she had enough of acting out my, er, I mean House's, sexual fantasies.
GY: I am sure our female fans will be bummed.
House hands the brush to Cuddy. Oddly, not one of the four people in the house attack him. He walks out and over to a goldfish faced Wilson.
House to Wilson: You were right, I feel much better.
DS: See, this was my vision all along.
GY: That House was a murderer?
DS; Possibly. But what I meant was that House is meant to be a lone hero, fighting for his liberation.
GY: Right. Liberation from Wilson and Cuddy - the ones who have been holding him back.
DS: What have they ever really done for him?
GY: Besides hire him when no one else would, protect his job from the board, give him a department of his own, be his friend, confidant, and conscience, take him to monster truck rallies, allow him to screw with their personal lives and ruin every other relationship they ever managed to have, allow him to try to prevent one of them from becoming a parent, lying for him to the police, lying for him on the stand under oath, allow him to live with them, help him to get into a mental health facility, hire him back even without a license and hold his job for him, care about him, worry about him and love him despite all his problems?
DS: Exactly my point, they did nothing for him.
House limps off down the street, all the way to either Hawaii, the Gulf Coast of lower Florida, Puerto Rico, Mexico or Southern California. Or possibly just the airport. Most likely though he heads into a black hole that transports him somewhere where it is still daytime despite the flight time and the movement of the sun.
DS: Well, finally House is free.
GY: No job, no home, no money, no friends and no family. Now that's freedom for you!
DS: God I love this show.
GY: Me too. We are the bomb. Kaboom!
Thank you, Nancy! And I do hope the rest of you enjoyed this as much as I did, yo.
Ciao,
Elisa
With all of the tumult going on qua my last entry, I thought we could all do with some fun.
The Season Seven DVDs are shortly to be coming out. One of the much-awaited extras is the finale, "Moving On," with commentary by David Shore and Greg Yaitanes.
I must emphasize that I DID NOT WRITE THIS. It was written by my dear friend Nancy, and published with her permission. Again, I DID NOT WRITE THIS. So give Nancy the compliments, not moi. But I think it's tres amusant.
Title: "MOVING ON"; A DVD Extra Commentary fanfiction
Disclaimer: This is a fictional piece featuring a fictional executive producer David Shore and a fictional director Greg Yaitanes. Any resemblance to anyone real, or that we are familiar with, is completely coincidental. Much like House in the last episode.
Note: Italics show scene descriptions or spoken lines from the finale, "Moving On".
"MOVING ON"; A DVD Extra Commentary
House makes his way back to the car after seeing Cuddy having a nice time with a strange man, her sister and her sister's husband. He fingers the hairbrush as he climbs in.
Wilson: What just happened?
House; Get out.
Wilson: What just happened?
House: Get out.
Wilson: House, what are you mad about? Just let it out. You'll feel better.
Wilson gets out of the car.
David Shore (DS): That damn Wilson character annoys me with his constant caring and concern.
Greg Yaitanes (GY): Yeah well, can't have a tough brooding anti-hero without a goofy sidekick. Besides, Leonard fills up screen time.
DS: Who?
GY: Never mind.
DS: I think he should have kept Wilson in the car.
GY: But then he would have risked killing him.
DS: No one is going to get hurt. Just because it is a 1972 Dodge with no airbags doesn't mean anyone is at risk.
House drives down the street and begins to turn the car around
DS: Whatever happened to House's Corvette?
GY: Volger made him give it away.
DS: But House never listened to Volger.
GY: Want me to bring it back in Season 8? He could have it on the island.
DS: How will we explain it's sudden reappearance?
GY: We have to explain things?
House begins to pick up speed
GY: Awesome!! We're coming to my favorite part. He's gonna do it!!
DS: Of course he's going to do it. He's under contract.
GY: Too bad Lisa didn't renew.
DS: Who?
GY: You know, the chick with boobs.
DS: The model?
GY: Nah, the older one. The one in the house.
DS: Whatever, that was a Katie Jacobs' thing, not my vision. We don't really need any women on this show. Well, maybe one, but that always could be a hooker. Our female fans always enjoy women presented as nothing more than sexual fantasies.
GY: Or one night stands for Chase and Taub,
DS: I know, cool, huh?
House spins the car to the left onto the driveway and then the lawn, going at top speed. Wilson jumps out of the way.
DS: Now watch as our speeding hero instantly figures out the trajectory of the car, the layout of the house to be certain there are no support beams he might hit, positions the car to crash in a way that hurts neither himself nor anyone in the house and...assures that the car won't explode.
GY: And he does this all while high on a month's supply of Vicodin, consumed with rage, and while speeding as fast as he can go!
DS: That's why we call him a genius!
GY: How does he know that Rachel isn't in the house? Or one of Julie's little kids?
DS: Who's Julie?
GY: Cuddy's sister.
DS: I thought she was named Lucinda.
GY: I thought so too but the fans wrote to us to tell us no.
DS: We still have fans? I thought we got rid of those this season?
GY: I'm working on it, I'm working on it. These things take time, you know.
DS: Don't be so sensitive, Greg. Anyway, I don't know about any kids of Lucinda, er, Julie, but Rachel is at Arlene's house.
GY: Yeah, but how did House know that?
DS: Cuddy mentioned it in one of the sneak peaks. That's how he knew.
GY: House watches his own sneak peaks?
DS: Shut up and watch the crash.
Crash! Right into the dining room. The table is destroyed, a light falls from the ceiling. Car door opens with a concerted push.
GY: Kaboom!!!!!
DS: And look, he's not even wearing a seat belt. And yet he doesn't have so much as a scratch.
GY: Not to mention he checked himself out of the ICU that morning.
DS. I know. Is he is a cool super hero or what? Er, I mean anti hero.
GY: I guess you were right, House knew exactly what he was doing. No one was hurt.
DS: Exactly. House isn't a killer you know. He is just a boyfriend that is a bit upset. He needed to make Cuddy understand how he feels.
GY: Yeah, it is not like he could have talked to her like she wanted him to.
DS: Of course not, he is all about action, not words.
GY: Right. He had to show her that it isn't acceptable for her to carry on with her life and the life of her child when House is out there having to find comfort in the arms of multiple hookers and a green-card wife.
DS: Exactly my point.
House climbs around the car, and over glass and debris, to hand back Cuddy's hairbrush.
DS: See, he is willing to do whatever it takes to return Cuddy's hairbrush. He is a man of principle! There is a code he lives by, even if society doesn't always approve.
GY: Yeah, he is great guy. Especially the way he risks getting all cut up again after having done self surgery just last week. I wish I could be like him.
DS: Feel free to live vicariously through House. I do.
GY: Is the hairbrush symbolic of something?
DS: Nah, I was hoping that House could spank Cuddy with it when he returned it, but the actress wouldn't agree. She said she had enough of acting out my, er, I mean House's, sexual fantasies.
GY: I am sure our female fans will be bummed.
House hands the brush to Cuddy. Oddly, not one of the four people in the house attack him. He walks out and over to a goldfish faced Wilson.
House to Wilson: You were right, I feel much better.
DS: See, this was my vision all along.
GY: That House was a murderer?
DS; Possibly. But what I meant was that House is meant to be a lone hero, fighting for his liberation.
GY: Right. Liberation from Wilson and Cuddy - the ones who have been holding him back.
DS: What have they ever really done for him?
GY: Besides hire him when no one else would, protect his job from the board, give him a department of his own, be his friend, confidant, and conscience, take him to monster truck rallies, allow him to screw with their personal lives and ruin every other relationship they ever managed to have, allow him to try to prevent one of them from becoming a parent, lying for him to the police, lying for him on the stand under oath, allow him to live with them, help him to get into a mental health facility, hire him back even without a license and hold his job for him, care about him, worry about him and love him despite all his problems?
DS: Exactly my point, they did nothing for him.
House limps off down the street, all the way to either Hawaii, the Gulf Coast of lower Florida, Puerto Rico, Mexico or Southern California. Or possibly just the airport. Most likely though he heads into a black hole that transports him somewhere where it is still daytime despite the flight time and the movement of the sun.
DS: Well, finally House is free.
GY: No job, no home, no money, no friends and no family. Now that's freedom for you!
DS: God I love this show.
GY: Me too. We are the bomb. Kaboom!
Thank you, Nancy! And I do hope the rest of you enjoyed this as much as I did, yo.
Ciao,
Elisa
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Customer Service In the Digital Age
DAHLINGS -
Suffice to say that in the office we are having some problems with the printer. A request for support was sent, and apparently the wrong serial number was on it. The following email was sent:
ProductName:
6180
SerialNumber:
71V6752-RVE
We are unable to find the serial number you provided within our Service Database. Please check the machine for the 9 digit serial number and reply back. For the model indicated the serial number is located by (fill in location instructions) and it should begin with (fill in prefix). If you need more assistance finding your serial number please select the link below (insert link from KB on how to find serial number)
A request email was sent, and this was the response:
Original Message Follows: ------------------------
Hello,
Could you fill in the blanks in the message and respond again?
Thank you.
In a message dated 10/19/2010 10:02:48 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, xerox.info@xerox.com writes:
Original Message Follows: ------------------------
ProductName:
6180
SerialNumber:
71V6752-RVE
We are unable to find the serial number you provided within our Service Database. Please check the machine for the 9 digit serial number and reply back. For the model indicated the serial number is located by (fill in location instructions) and it should begin with (fill in prefix). If you need more assistance finding your serial number please select the link below (insert link from KB on how to find serial number)
Do you think we should write support for support for their support?
Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
Suffice to say that in the office we are having some problems with the printer. A request for support was sent, and apparently the wrong serial number was on it. The following email was sent:
ProductName:
6180
SerialNumber:
71V6752-RVE
We are unable to find the serial number you provided within our Service Database. Please check the machine for the 9 digit serial number and reply back. For the model indicated the serial number is located by (fill in location instructions) and it should begin with (fill in prefix). If you need more assistance finding your serial number please select the link below (insert link from KB on how to find serial number)
A request email was sent, and this was the response:
Original Message Follows: ------------------------
Hello,
Could you fill in the blanks in the message and respond again?
Thank you.
In a message dated 10/19/2010 10:02:48 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, xerox.info@xerox.com writes:
Original Message Follows: ------------------------
ProductName:
6180
SerialNumber:
71V6752-RVE
We are unable to find the serial number you provided within our Service Database. Please check the machine for the 9 digit serial number and reply back. For the model indicated the serial number is located by (fill in location instructions) and it should begin with (fill in prefix). If you need more assistance finding your serial number please select the link below (insert link from KB on how to find serial number)
Do you think we should write support for support for their support?
Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
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