DAHLINGS -
I'm in Los Angeles, doing my level best not to cough on anyone famous (ESPECIALLY Alec Baldwin). Ryan Seacrest is working the Red Carpet (he works so much I'm beginning to believe he's a gay cyborg).
Bobblehead Girl is babbling about live-texting your votes for the Academy Awards winners. Who cares what the rabble think? They don't, but it fills up the airtime.
So far I'm watching the celebrities come down the red carpet, and trying not to get pushed over by two nonentities from TV. Amanda Seyfried looks like she's wearing fish scales. Oh, god, Little Blond Man is on. I might start retching.
Later,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
Showing posts with label Alec Baldwin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Alec Baldwin. Show all posts
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Chris March's Book Party Tonight! What I Am Wearing
DAHLINGS -
First of all, no one was happier than moi to find that the beautiful gown Meryl Streep wore at the Golden Globes, that was at the top of my Best Dressed List, was designed by none other than darling CHRIS MARCH!
And tonight is the signing party for Chris March's new book, I Love Chris March, filled with equal amounts of photography and delight. Yes, I'm going overboard, but the man does it to me.
Ciao,
First of all, no one was happier than moi to find that the beautiful gown Meryl Streep wore at the Golden Globes, that was at the top of my Best Dressed List, was designed by none other than darling CHRIS MARCH!
And tonight is the signing party for Chris March's new book, I Love Chris March, filled with equal amounts of photography and delight. Yes, I'm going overboard, but the man does it to me.
Not in the same way as Alec Baldwin, but I think you catch my drift.
In any event, tonight, because there will be thousands of fabulous drag queens and divas, I have decided to forsake my usual approach to fabulousness and GO INTO REVERSE!
I am going to wear
THE WORLD'S UGLIEST DRESS!
What does it look like? You will have to wait until tomorrow. Please trust me on this, it is so hideous my dry cleaner went blind. Until tomorrow!
Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
P.S. The SAG Best & Worst Dressed will be tomorrow as well. My apologies.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Happy New Year With The Wrong Baldwin...
DAHLINGS -
As my faithful readers know, one of my long-held desires is to bed the incomparable Alec Baldwin, star of "30 Rock" and the new movie "It's Complicated." Like a fine merlot, he has only improves with age.
But, as my faithful readers also know, I had the misfortune of sneezing on his suede jacket during a recent LA-NY flight whilst sitting in the adjoing seat.
I paid the dry-cleaning bill and sent an apologetic note (with a suggestive twist) but I did not hear back.
Then on New Year's Eve, I was invited to an A-List party by a host whose name I cannot disclose. It was a smashing affair. Which I in turn thought led to a smashing affair. Yes, I drank far too much Krug champagne, and one of my beautiful breasts fell out of my Oscar de la Renta dress, causing much merriment. After that, the night is a bit of a...blur, for lack of a better word.
New Year's Day I awoke in my own bed to the sound of a man snoring. Bleary, with one of those buzz-saw hangovers that only champagne can cause, I could see that he was large, hairy, and...ALEC BALDWIN!
What a brilliant way to start the New Year and the new decade!
As my faithful readers know, one of my long-held desires is to bed the incomparable Alec Baldwin, star of "30 Rock" and the new movie "It's Complicated." Like a fine merlot, he has only improves with age.
But, as my faithful readers also know, I had the misfortune of sneezing on his suede jacket during a recent LA-NY flight whilst sitting in the adjoing seat.
I paid the dry-cleaning bill and sent an apologetic note (with a suggestive twist) but I did not hear back.
Then on New Year's Eve, I was invited to an A-List party by a host whose name I cannot disclose. It was a smashing affair. Which I in turn thought led to a smashing affair. Yes, I drank far too much Krug champagne, and one of my beautiful breasts fell out of my Oscar de la Renta dress, causing much merriment. After that, the night is a bit of a...blur, for lack of a better word.
New Year's Day I awoke in my own bed to the sound of a man snoring. Bleary, with one of those buzz-saw hangovers that only champagne can cause, I could see that he was large, hairy, and...ALEC BALDWIN!
What a brilliant way to start the New Year and the new decade!
At last, one of my most important wishes had been granted! He lay face down. Containing an urge to giggle with girlish glee, I leaned my naked body over his, and woke him up by gently blowing in his ear.
"Alec, dahling," I whispered in my most seductive tones.
He sat up, and I could not suppress a scream of suprise.
It was not Alec Baldwin, it was...it was DANIEL BALDWIN!
Oh my God, I had slept with the wrong Baldwin, the "Celebrity Rehab" Baldwin, one of the LESSER Baldwins. Daniel sat bolt upright and stared at me.
"Are you the hooker I asked for?" he said.
"I most certainly am NOT," I snapped. "What were you doing at an A-List celebrity party, I would like to know!"
"I, uh, came with some friends. Do you have any Jack Daniels?"
"No!" I drew the pink silk sheet protectively over myself. "I will thank you to leave, Mr. Baldwin, at once." I rang for the maid. Octavia rushed in a moment later, and took in the situation.
"Te has puesto a sí mismo en problemas con otro perdedor, perra. Y es el 'Celebrity Rehab' Baldwin,"she muttered.
"Shut up, you clot. I can speak Spanish. Get his clothes at once and show the gentleman out. NOW."
Mr. Baldwin stood up slowly, rubbing his head. "Okay, babe. I don't pay for pussy anyway."
"GET OUT!"
Grumbling, he dressed and took his leave. I fell back in bed, my temples throbbing, filled with disappointment. Thank goodness for small favors--at least it wasn't Stephen Baldwin.
So now I have a goal for 2010. I am setting my vintage feathered cap for Alec Baldwin. And this time I will stay sober enough to know which Baldwin I'm with!
One supposes there is a valuable life lesson in there somewhere, but damned if I know what it is.
Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Emmy Awards, continued live blogg
DAHLINGS -
I think I might be geting th4e hang of this teeny little notebook computer. Who's the midget who introduced Brendan Gleason? Who's Brendan Gleason?
Patricia Arquette's breasts are threatening to explode. Jennifer Love Hewitt is pretending to have breasts. They must have pleated her chest.
Deerhilla Walsh, winner for Best Direction of a Miniseries, has a beautiful vintage-style dress. My favorite so far tonight. The accent doesn't hurt, either.
Oh my goodness, Alec Baldwin just strolled by,,, damn, he turned and went back to the stage!
Hmmm...is Chris Noth around?
Jessica Lange won for something. Lovely green gown, dahlings, movie star glamour. (Is she wearing a bandage on her arm? She keeps giving herself CPR. AFter that french actress nad pregnant Heidi Klum, this Emmy ceremony might have the most medical emergencies in history.)
Too many commercials, not enough liquor. I gave Bucky half a Benadryl and he's snoozing happily in his Louis Vuitton carrier. My poor little darling had to miss Fashion Week, how can I not bring him to the Emmy Awards?
Keefir Sutherland and some woman with breasts in a pink dress are announcing a winner of something. I think I will try to find Chris Noth.
Later,
Elisa & Bucky the Snoring Wonderdog
I think I might be geting th4e hang of this teeny little notebook computer. Who's the midget who introduced Brendan Gleason? Who's Brendan Gleason?
Patricia Arquette's breasts are threatening to explode. Jennifer Love Hewitt is pretending to have breasts. They must have pleated her chest.
Deerhilla Walsh, winner for Best Direction of a Miniseries, has a beautiful vintage-style dress. My favorite so far tonight. The accent doesn't hurt, either.
Oh my goodness, Alec Baldwin just strolled by,,, damn, he turned and went back to the stage!
Hmmm...is Chris Noth around?
Jessica Lange won for something. Lovely green gown, dahlings, movie star glamour. (Is she wearing a bandage on her arm? She keeps giving herself CPR. AFter that french actress nad pregnant Heidi Klum, this Emmy ceremony might have the most medical emergencies in history.)
Too many commercials, not enough liquor. I gave Bucky half a Benadryl and he's snoozing happily in his Louis Vuitton carrier. My poor little darling had to miss Fashion Week, how can I not bring him to the Emmy Awards?
Keefir Sutherland and some woman with breasts in a pink dress are announcing a winner of something. I think I will try to find Chris Noth.
Later,
Elisa & Bucky the Snoring Wonderdog
The Emmy Awards: Neil Patrick Harris & I Both Want John Hamm
DAHLINGS -
I'm here at the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles live blogging for the Emmy Awards, and I have made an enormouss mistake: I bought one of those little notebook computers and I am typing this myself. The keys are tiny and typos are unaviaoldable. JHowever, I shall soldier on regardless. /////
Neil Patrick Harris, in white tuxedo did an amazing opening number. We both lust after John Hamm, as what sentient being wouldn't? Tiny Fey looks absolutely matronly in that black dress and updo. She also is dressed the same as the Emmy presentation girls.
In an upset for Comedy Best Supporting Actress, Kristin Chenoweth won, wearing a crusty silver minidress and begging for a job.
Except for the crusty silver drss, she reminded me of James Mason in "A Star Is Born" when Judy Garland wins hte Oscar.
I HATE THIS MACHINE!@
Sarah Silverman is sporting a jaunty mustache, a nice change from the ubiquitous nude lip. It helps her give an icy glare to lead actress winner Toni Collete, who forgot to wear her makeup.
Oh, God, Alec Baldwin! Why does he want to look like Rob Lowe? You're mine, Alec, we're getting together at the Entertainment Tonight afterparty, never mind that blonde hag you're with! Of course you won, you are a comedy god. One hopes you will forget our unfortunate encounter in the air when I sneezed on your suede jacket shortly after the Inauguration. (Of course, as I wrote then, sober people remember everything, dammit.)
Project Runway is up for an Emmy. DAMN! The Amazing Race won...why? There is no justice! At least the designers know how to do something, unlike 90% of reality television particiapnts! My BFF Tim Gunn was robbed! Robbed, I tell you!
Speaking of PR, here is a picutre of an incredibly pregnant Heidi Klum on the red carpet:
I'm here at the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles live blogging for the Emmy Awards, and I have made an enormouss mistake: I bought one of those little notebook computers and I am typing this myself. The keys are tiny and typos are unaviaoldable. JHowever, I shall soldier on regardless. /////
Neil Patrick Harris, in white tuxedo did an amazing opening number. We both lust after John Hamm, as what sentient being wouldn't? Tiny Fey looks absolutely matronly in that black dress and updo. She also is dressed the same as the Emmy presentation girls.
In an upset for Comedy Best Supporting Actress, Kristin Chenoweth won, wearing a crusty silver minidress and begging for a job.
Except for the crusty silver drss, she reminded me of James Mason in "A Star Is Born" when Judy Garland wins hte Oscar.
I HATE THIS MACHINE!@
Sarah Silverman is sporting a jaunty mustache, a nice change from the ubiquitous nude lip. It helps her give an icy glare to lead actress winner Toni Collete, who forgot to wear her makeup.
Oh, God, Alec Baldwin! Why does he want to look like Rob Lowe? You're mine, Alec, we're getting together at the Entertainment Tonight afterparty, never mind that blonde hag you're with! Of course you won, you are a comedy god. One hopes you will forget our unfortunate encounter in the air when I sneezed on your suede jacket shortly after the Inauguration. (Of course, as I wrote then, sober people remember everything, dammit.)
Project Runway is up for an Emmy. DAMN! The Amazing Race won...why? There is no justice! At least the designers know how to do something, unlike 90% of reality television particiapnts! My BFF Tim Gunn was robbed! Robbed, I tell you!
Speaking of PR, here is a picutre of an incredibly pregnant Heidi Klum on the red carpet:
Oh, they're doing the miniseries...I'm heading to the bar for a Cosmo.
Later,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
Mon Dieu, what has Kyra Sedgewick have on?? It looks as though a fairy vomited on her.
SOme Frencyh actress is rasping through an acceptance speech...she sounds like she has a bellows in her generous bosom.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Back from Washington, D.C. With Alec Baldwin, Sort Of
DAHLINGS -
Don't misunderstand the title, I'm certainly not in bed with anyone interesting. During the Inauguration I caught the most miserable cold, which is why you have not heard from moi all of this time. (Donations can be sent to your favorite charity.)
It is hideous...I lie here, sneezing and coughing and shifting Bucky constantly off of my legs. He gets overly protective at times such as these. And I have so much to prepare for! I am supposed to be writing a book, dahlings, but I cannot think straight with all of this bacteria in my system! And Fashion Week--my god!
Your faithful correspondent was already sick on the flight back to New York. I am ashamed to confess that I sneezed violently on Alec Baldwin, my seatmate in First Class. And on his dinner. And on his suede jacket. He was quite the gentleman about it, considering, in fact he hardly noticed, he was so busy talking with his assistant back in New York. "What else?" he kept saying. However, he did agree to my picking up the dry cleaning bill for the jacket. But now I know any chance for romance with Alec is shot. Damn. At times like this I wish he still drank, then I might have a chance some evening. But no, sober people always remember when you've sneezed on them.
Oh, dear, I must stop. This has been entirely too much for me, but it was my love for you, my wonderful public, that made me sit up in bed and dictate this to my assistant. More than that, one cannot ask, n'cest pas?
ACCCHOOOO!!!!!
Damn.
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
Don't misunderstand the title, I'm certainly not in bed with anyone interesting. During the Inauguration I caught the most miserable cold, which is why you have not heard from moi all of this time. (Donations can be sent to your favorite charity.)
It is hideous...I lie here, sneezing and coughing and shifting Bucky constantly off of my legs. He gets overly protective at times such as these. And I have so much to prepare for! I am supposed to be writing a book, dahlings, but I cannot think straight with all of this bacteria in my system! And Fashion Week--my god!
Your faithful correspondent was already sick on the flight back to New York. I am ashamed to confess that I sneezed violently on Alec Baldwin, my seatmate in First Class. And on his dinner. And on his suede jacket. He was quite the gentleman about it, considering, in fact he hardly noticed, he was so busy talking with his assistant back in New York. "What else?" he kept saying. However, he did agree to my picking up the dry cleaning bill for the jacket. But now I know any chance for romance with Alec is shot. Damn. At times like this I wish he still drank, then I might have a chance some evening. But no, sober people always remember when you've sneezed on them.
Oh, dear, I must stop. This has been entirely too much for me, but it was my love for you, my wonderful public, that made me sit up in bed and dictate this to my assistant. More than that, one cannot ask, n'cest pas?
ACCCHOOOO!!!!!
Damn.
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
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