DAHLINGS -
Once again I have been delayed from dictating this blog-thing by a series of events, many of them far too mundane to detail. However, thanks to some clever wheeling and dealing by yours truly, my fall shops will be stocked with:
Nelly De Grab designer fashions in LARGER SIZES
Fur coats of every type and description in LARGER SIZES
Incredible vintage clothing in LARGER SIZES
Not to mention designer handbags, scarves, compacts, and shoes! It is all truly astonishing, and I am know you will share my pleasure after Labor Day.
So that means I have barely had time to think, so this week's Project Runway recap will have to be extremely short! My apologies.
Yes, weren't we all amazed that Jerrell and Stella made such a wonderful team, and such a lovely outfit? Personally, I don't agree with Brooke Shield's taste at all. But unlike Sandra Bernhard, she had interesting comments to make and an understanding of her style. (Why not, she's been in the business almost longer than she's actually been alive!) And why is being short-waisted a bad thing? Yours truly is long-waisted, which is quite hard to clothe. No one should be singled out for something so utterly minor!
The winning design, by Keith and Kenly, was hideous, and reminded me of some unfortunate tall bird with dull flapping feathers and a colorful head. At least Keith got to pick the print.
I also liked Blayne and Leanne's design, much to my amaze. When Blayne remarked, "I have friends in the music business," one's first thought was: "Blayne has friends?" The man is such a pill, as my dear darling Mama would have said. And Korto, please, don't be a disappointment to us all! Your attitude is steadily deteriorating with each episode! Soon you will be mud-wrestling your opponents in the workroom!
That's all for now. I promise to have a more comprehensive write-up later this week about the next episode, which features my darling huggy bear CHRIS MARCH!
Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
Showing posts with label Blayne. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blayne. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
Project Runway - Hello, Olympics, Goodbye, Dali!
DAHLINGS –
The Olympics have started, but it’s the end for Jennifer, whose mantra was that her vision was “Holly Golightly at a Salvador Dali exhibit.” Poor deluded little thing. This week’s challenge was to create outfits for the female athletes at the opening ceremonies of the Summer Olympics. Simple enough, wouldn’t you think?
Non. Not for this bunch.
Most of them were thrown into a designing tizzy, resulting in some of the oddest athletic wear I have seen since I was accidentally taken to a Burning Man some years ago. Jennifer could simply not grasp the concept, and ended up creating Olympic Barbie:
The Olympics have started, but it’s the end for Jennifer, whose mantra was that her vision was “Holly Golightly at a Salvador Dali exhibit.” Poor deluded little thing. This week’s challenge was to create outfits for the female athletes at the opening ceremonies of the Summer Olympics. Simple enough, wouldn’t you think?
Non. Not for this bunch.
Most of them were thrown into a designing tizzy, resulting in some of the oddest athletic wear I have seen since I was accidentally taken to a Burning Man some years ago. Jennifer could simply not grasp the concept, and ended up creating Olympic Barbie:
For some reason, one kept flashing on John McCain at that biker's rally, listening to the bikers waste gallons of fuel gunning their motors as he ridiculed tire gauges.
But I digress. Joe was spot on when he said, “There’s too much drama because there’s too many queens around.” He quietly went ahead and created what your faithful correspondent felt should have been the winning outfit, even with that odd hemline. (It should be noted that many of the so-called even hemlines this season have been, on close-up, as they say, “craptastic”.) This was one of the few times the cliché of the straight man’s fondness for sports actually came in handy.
However, he lost to Korto, whose outfit was nice enough, but not terribly exciting for moi. But at least the curvaceously creative Liberian native is still on the show, which is a plus in more ways than one.
Speaking of queens, was that a collective sound of lustful panting that arose when Apolo Ohno skated up to the designers? Even Tim Gunn looked as though he was thinking, “I’d love to get that outfit off your supremely muscled diminutive physique and show you that this older chap can still do a few gymnastics of his own.”
Commandant Heidi began the show by looking as though both her spray-on tan and sprayed-on leather pants had been heavily greased. Perhaps she had just finished roasting one of her children over an open spit. For the runway, she wore an odd chain-mail outfit, that like most of her runway outfits, are letting her evil side show more than ever. They might need to have an exorcism on the set after the series ends at this rate.
Getting back to the designers and their utter bafflement at the challenge, take a look at this horror by Jerrell:
Didn’t Minnie Pearl once wear that hat? The outfit is a puffy pouffy nightmare, dahlings, no doubt about it. With capri leggings, no less. (And if, like tanorexic Blayne, you don’t remember the Beatles, surely you won’t know who Minnie Pearl is. But I care not.) Like most of the designers, he threw caution and intelligence to the wind. It is a miracle he did not get auf'd. Perhaps it was because during the runway he was actually wearing something more interesting on his head than Kenley.
Daniel sent a cocktail dress, of all things, down the runway! Isn’t he capable of designing anything else?? Are we going to be seeing cocktail dresses made of tin foil, cocktail dresses ala Jane Austen, military cocktail dresses? Of course, one cannot top Michael Kors’s comment that Daniel’s dress looked as though it came from “the Republic of Cocktail Land.” Daniel is the Sweet P of this season, slowly inching his way to a complete mental breakdown. My heart breaks whenever they show him in the workroom, agonizing over his latest...cocktail dress.
For a little fun from the last episode, compare this latest photo of last week's judge Sandra Bernhard with the poster for her upcoming revival.
As I wrote previously, someone has too much time on their hands. Unlike moi!
Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
Today's Fashion Tip:
Do NOT let this happen to you or anyone else you know!
Terrifying.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Project Runway's Season Five Train Wreck, er, Premiere
DAHLINGS –
Forgive me for taking so long for writing about the season premiere of “Project Runway.” The viewing party took more recovery time than one expected!
One’s first thought as the purported designers all filed into the bedrooms at the beginning was, “Who are these people, and why do I get the distinct impression most of them smell bad?”
No wonder Tim and Heidi met them outdoors on the roof. One hopes the hosts were upwind. And does anyone have news of the person killed by Tim's champagne cork?
I am not certain of who I find the most annoying of the hellish trio of Suede, Blayne, and Stella. A 37-year-old man that calls himself Suede deserves to be beaten in an alley with a 2 by 4, but that is just my humble opinion, as they say online. And as I mentioned earlier, his penchant for talking about himself in the third person is something that should only be reserved for pretentious poseurs like Madonna (oh, my apologies, she is his principal influence. What a surprise.). One of my guests yelled at the screen, “Somebody grab that bastard’s blue tuft and yank it out by the roots!”
Blayne has the double-whammy of having atrocious taste and being extremely hard to look at in close-up. Particularly without his cap-thing. I wanted to kiss Tim Gunn for causing almost all of the designers urinate on themselves by denouncing them for using tablecloths. It’s so good to have him back, isn’t it? "De-ziners, gather round! You suck already and it's only the first challenge! How am I supposed to keep my sanity and world famous savoir-faire around you people?"
In any event, Blayne's “girlicious” design was “girl-trocious”. The poor model looked like she was wearing old Kotex pads stitched to her front and back, or as if she had a terrible yeast infection that had exploded over the front of that mesh bathing suit. Yeeeecccch.
As for Stella, what gutter did the producers pull her out of? 42 year olds who dress and sound like sullen tweens are not your faithful correspondent’s favorite kind of people. Maybe we’ll get lucky and she’ll have a heroin overdose before the end of the series. (Imagine the problems the producers would have, keeping THAT news off the Internet!) That hideous dress, so devoid of inspiration—did anyone else notice that she did not start putting anything together until they had roughly four hours left? What was she doing in the meantime, besides whining?
Perhaps she was busy in the loo shooting up.
Most of the designs got the thumbs-down from my guests, and I was hard-pressed to remember who had designed what, even with a scorecard. There are so MANY designers at the start! Heidi Klum was so eager to start ripping out the designer's jugulars on the runway she virtually needed a drool cup. Nina Garcia was, as usual, a cardboard cut-out in a chair, Michael Kors has single-handedly bought out all of the Cover Girl Dark Matte Makeup in every Duane Reade in New York, but Austin was delightful. So girlish, so soignee', so playing to the camera!
My personal favorites were by Daniel and Korto. Although the poor boy needed a Xanax, the plastic cup dress actually looked wearable, as long as you didn't venture out into the summer heat:
As for Korto, her dress showed taste, style, and originality, even if she did use a tablecloth:
Naturally, I particularly liked that her bio on the official Project Runway site stated that she designs for "real, full-figured women." It will be interesting seeing her tackle one challenge on PR: dressing those stick figures they are given for models!
The winner, Kelli, made an interesting, creative dress. Others have objected to the coffee filter bra, but I thought it was a smart use of limited materials. At least she did not use a tablecloth.
STOP THE PRESSES! A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!!
My favorite "Project Runway" designer ever, CHRIS MARCH, is blogging about this season as only he can! It is truly hilarious, dahlings, and I have a link to it on the right. Your viewing experience isn't complete until you've read his blog (after you read mine, of course).
Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
Forgive me for taking so long for writing about the season premiere of “Project Runway.” The viewing party took more recovery time than one expected!
One’s first thought as the purported designers all filed into the bedrooms at the beginning was, “Who are these people, and why do I get the distinct impression most of them smell bad?”
No wonder Tim and Heidi met them outdoors on the roof. One hopes the hosts were upwind. And does anyone have news of the person killed by Tim's champagne cork?
I am not certain of who I find the most annoying of the hellish trio of Suede, Blayne, and Stella. A 37-year-old man that calls himself Suede deserves to be beaten in an alley with a 2 by 4, but that is just my humble opinion, as they say online. And as I mentioned earlier, his penchant for talking about himself in the third person is something that should only be reserved for pretentious poseurs like Madonna (oh, my apologies, she is his principal influence. What a surprise.). One of my guests yelled at the screen, “Somebody grab that bastard’s blue tuft and yank it out by the roots!”
Blayne has the double-whammy of having atrocious taste and being extremely hard to look at in close-up. Particularly without his cap-thing. I wanted to kiss Tim Gunn for causing almost all of the designers urinate on themselves by denouncing them for using tablecloths. It’s so good to have him back, isn’t it? "De-ziners, gather round! You suck already and it's only the first challenge! How am I supposed to keep my sanity and world famous savoir-faire around you people?"
In any event, Blayne's “girlicious” design was “girl-trocious”. The poor model looked like she was wearing old Kotex pads stitched to her front and back, or as if she had a terrible yeast infection that had exploded over the front of that mesh bathing suit. Yeeeecccch.
As for Stella, what gutter did the producers pull her out of? 42 year olds who dress and sound like sullen tweens are not your faithful correspondent’s favorite kind of people. Maybe we’ll get lucky and she’ll have a heroin overdose before the end of the series. (Imagine the problems the producers would have, keeping THAT news off the Internet!) That hideous dress, so devoid of inspiration—did anyone else notice that she did not start putting anything together until they had roughly four hours left? What was she doing in the meantime, besides whining?
Perhaps she was busy in the loo shooting up.
Most of the designs got the thumbs-down from my guests, and I was hard-pressed to remember who had designed what, even with a scorecard. There are so MANY designers at the start! Heidi Klum was so eager to start ripping out the designer's jugulars on the runway she virtually needed a drool cup. Nina Garcia was, as usual, a cardboard cut-out in a chair, Michael Kors has single-handedly bought out all of the Cover Girl Dark Matte Makeup in every Duane Reade in New York, but Austin was delightful. So girlish, so soignee', so playing to the camera!
My personal favorites were by Daniel and Korto. Although the poor boy needed a Xanax, the plastic cup dress actually looked wearable, as long as you didn't venture out into the summer heat:
As for Korto, her dress showed taste, style, and originality, even if she did use a tablecloth:
Naturally, I particularly liked that her bio on the official Project Runway site stated that she designs for "real, full-figured women." It will be interesting seeing her tackle one challenge on PR: dressing those stick figures they are given for models!
The winner, Kelli, made an interesting, creative dress. Others have objected to the coffee filter bra, but I thought it was a smart use of limited materials. At least she did not use a tablecloth.
STOP THE PRESSES! A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!!
My favorite "Project Runway" designer ever, CHRIS MARCH, is blogging about this season as only he can! It is truly hilarious, dahlings, and I have a link to it on the right. Your viewing experience isn't complete until you've read his blog (after you read mine, of course).
Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
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