Pascal Dangin Wants You To Hate Yourself

DAHLINGS -

It is no secret that yours truly has inveighed against the saturation of mediated images in film, television, magazines. In other words, everywhere. I first became fascinated (then much later outraged) by the widespread use of computers on images of--well, everything--after watching a computer animator assemble a bucolic background with mountains, trees, grass, and an old-fashioned train and tracks running through it. He moved the elements around, making sure the finished product was a faultless representation of a small town train station in the mountains.

That is old news. We know that every form of visual media use green screens, blue screens, CGI, etc. As your faithful correspondent has also spoken to a CGI expert whose job it was to fill out Sarah Jessica Parker's bony hands frame by frame in Sex and the City 2. Consumers are used to it, so what is the problem? But do they really know what it is that they have become used to?

Now your own camera can "fix" your pictures so your personal visual reality is more satisfying. Even if it does not match what you see in the mirror.

The cosmetic surgery industry is booming. More than at any time, people, men and women, hate their faces and bodies.

An article that addressed that several years ago was "Pixel Perfect" by Lauren Collins in the New Yorker. A profile of Pascal Dangin, a master retoucher who changes the world that you perceive far more than you are aware.



Pascal Dangin, founder of The Box. One assumes he has been suitably retouched.

Pascal Dangin is the premier retoucher of fashion photographs. Art
directors and admen call him when they want someone who looks less than great to
look great, someone who looks great to look amazing, or someone who looks
amazing already to look, as is the mode, superhuman.

...retouchers tend to practice semi-clandestinely. “It is known that everybody does it, but they protest,” Dangin said recently. I mentioned the Dove ad campaign that proudly featured lumpier-than-usual “real women” in their undergarments. It turned out that it was a Dangin job. “Do you know how much retouching was on that?” he asked. “But it was great to do, a challenge, to keep everyone’s skin and faces showing the mileage but not looking unattractive."

[During a session]...he proceeded to a shot of the actress reclining on a divan in a
diaphanous couture gown. “She looks too small, because she’s teeny,” he said. On
a drop-down menu, he selected a warping tool, a device that augments the volume
of clusters of pixels. The dress puffed up, pleasingly, as if it had been
fluffed by some helpful lady-in-waiting inside the screen.
Next, Dangin moved the mouse so that the pointer hovered near the actress’s neck. “I softened the collarbones, but then she started to get too retouched, so I put back some stuff,” he explained. He pressed a button and her neck got a little bonier. He
clicked more drop-down menus—master opacity stamp, clone stamp. ... He zoomed in so that her eyeball was the size of a fifty-cent piece. “I love all of this
little wrinkle”—laugh lines, staying put—“and the texture of skin. As you
retouch skin, you can very quickly shift the tonal value. If you put a highlight
where shadow used to be, you’re morphing the way the orbital socket is
structured. It leads to a very generic look.” Ultimately, he had minimized the
actress’s temples, which bulged a little, tightened the skin around her chin,
and excised a fleshy bump from her forehead. She had an endearingly crooked
bottom row of teeth, which Dangin knew better than to fix.

In another shot, the actress stood in the middle of a busy city street, in
front of a limestone building. Dangin blew up the segment of the screen that
showed her feet, which were traversed with ropy blue veins. Click. Gone.

“There’s a little slumpiness, and the knees look really big,” he said,
stroking a touch pad with a gray plastic stylus to contour the actress’s legs.

Source: Pixel Perfect

I urge my beloved readers to read article in its entirety. There is far more than can be conveyed in one entry. Next time you find yourself in despair because you don’t look like Anne Hathaway, bear in mind that Anne Hathaway doesn’t look like that either.

Ciao,

Elisa

Anne Hathaway: Is It Live Or Is It Memorex?

DAHLINGS -



Sorry for the dated title, but to be honest, nothing else came quite as close to the mark. In my inbox this afternoon was a promo for Anne Hathaway's cover for Vogue. I am always fascinated by how photo-retouchers are able to turn real women into strange wax replicas of themselves. (I am also fascinated how real women can turn themselves into strange wax replicas, pace Courteney Cox).





Herewith are the photos:

Naturally, my favorite cover line is the one about "Natural Beauty That Delivers." Vogue would not know natural beauty if they tripped over it on their way to the loo.



I mean, really. Of course every thin young actress since 1975 has had to pose as Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly. One thinks it's a clause in their contracts.

But that is not my point. Most of us are aware how heavily manipulated the images are that bombard us daily. However, did you know that a special CGI artist was employed on Sex And The City II to fill in the lack of flesh of Sarah Jessica Parker's bony hands? (My source is quite reliable.) Before the inevitable onslaught of comments accusing me of being negative about extreme thinness, I am writing this about ALL actresses and actors of all sizes and ages.

There are far too many stories of that nature. In this digital age, it is truly an outrage that virtually no public image is the image of what is actually there.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky The Wonderdog

Metropolitan Museum Costume Gala Best Dressed 2009

DAHLINGS -

It took a bit of doing to find women who were neither excessive nor simply idiotic in their choice of garb at Monday's Metropolitan Museum Costume Institute gala opening for "The Model As Muse: Embodying Fashion." However, there were some absolutely stunning choices. And while mine may not agree with everyone, I'm certain that my first pick is one of the winners across the board:



Imam, who always displays the most amazing good taste, in a satin gown by Donna Karan.



Anne Grauso--so nice to see a real woman amongst the stick figures, in such a beautiful dress. If anyone knows who created it, please do let me know! (Although I am not a fan of skimmed back hair on high foreheads, but let's not quibble.)

Speaking of stick figures, I know that jaws will drop all over the world at my next selection.



Anne Hathaway covers up her gaunt figure in a wonderful purple dress by Marc Jacobs, with a 60s inspired bouffant hairdo that transforms her from princess to wild thing. In my opinion, it's a welcome change for her usual red carpet needing a glucose IV look.



And how gorgeous was model Oluchi Onweagba in her (of course) Oscar de la Renta black and white ballgown? I MUST own this one ASAP.



Here is Liv Tyler working a Jane Russell look in a dark blue Stella McCartney gown with smoky makeup to match.

Speaking of old Hollywood...



Special kudos to Marisa Tomei for wearing vintage ADRIAN!! She looks beyond beautiful, every inch the movie star. The designer would be so proud.

Sorry if there were fewer than expected, particularly at a fashion gala, but the truth is, there was less to choose from than I would have expected. For one thing, the Omnipresent Silhouette from the recent Fashion Week was everywhere: a tight waisted short dress with a bouffant skirt and overstated shoulders. Oh, there were variations...strapless, or one-shouldered...but not much inspiration, IMO. And yes, it looks beautiful on beautiful women, but how much effort does that take?

I also think I'm starting to suffer from Pose Fatigue. All of those hundreds of women standing in variations of two or three poses...hands on hips, hips forward, one leg forward, one hand on one hip...eventually they all start to blur together, dahlings.

Oh, dear, I really think I must lie down. Coming soon: entries about a new salon on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, Isaac Mizhari, and anything else I feel like writing about. It is my blog-thing, after all.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

The Oscar's Worst Dressed 2009

DAHLINGS -

Last night, while we were watching the Academy Awards red carpet coverage, it seemed that a swarm of skinny women in white, cream or gray dresses were wondering around. When the female announcer said "Every woman looks gorgeous," my male companion added, "And the same." Yes, it may be true that fashion inspiration is as dead as a doornail when it comes to award ceremonies (most of the actresses looked like Movie Star In A Box, in your favorite choice of colors: Natalie Portman in pink, Angelina Jolie in black, blah, blah, blah) as least these brave women dared to crash and burn.


Oscar's Worst Dressed can be broken down into categories. The first is

Night Of The Living Dead

Exemplified by fleshless cadaverous actresses, preferably with no color in their faces. Anne Hathaway, despite her talent, leads the pack for this honor, in Armani Prive:


Anne, unless your next role is a Holocaust victim, eat a croissant! I'm certain you haven't had a period in two years!

Evan Rachel Wood is a close second in Elie Saab--when will the woman get a clue and wear some COLOR?




I have no idea who this young woman is, but she fits right in, terrifyingly enough:



One shoulder--time for a glass of--oh, damn, that was last night. How does this girl have the strength to stand?

And of course, Nicole Kidman, who looks understandably peeved about the foliage sprouting around her decolletage:



To finish this category (sorry, the phrase "round out" does not fit), Melissa George:

Lesson, children: One should never wear a dress that makes one look like a pencil stuck in a toilet tissue.

Our next category is

No Taste Whatsoever

Which some actresses go in and out of at whim. My top candidate is Miley Cyrus, whose gown is virtually beyond my descriptive powers. My first thought was that she looked like she was trying to escape from a giant tropical plant trying to devour her, but really, the petal edges look more like mold. TOO MUCH DRESS!





Tilda Swinton marches to a different drummer, in this case Lanvin, right off the cliff:



GACK.


Sophia Loren is a goddess...or used to be. Sophia, Sophia, what happened? Why are you wearing a too-fussy ruffled gown that is the same color as your spray-on tan and your hair?? That gown looks right out of a bad Western movie, with you playing the madame of a bordello. (In fact, back in the 1960s they often had Italian women playing parts like that in Westerns--it was an odd phase. Could it be that Sophia is feeling nostalgia for Sergio Leone?)



And it is a major mistake to stand next to the elegant Meryl Streep, in beautifully draped gray gown and tastefully bared shoulders.





The final category might as well be called

FOLIE AU DRESS

Many of them have already been shown in my previous posts, but a few got under the wire. First we have the widely-reviled Jessica Biel, who could gave escaped a great deal of grief by running some oatmeal through her hair prior to leaving the mansion. The strange cloth contraption on the front of her gown looks as though she might be carrying a spare set of breasts. Or perhaps to put some hors de'oevres in to munch on during the endless broadcast.

Is it moi, or has Beyonce been wearing the same dress to every event for the past two years? Only the colors and the textures change. Really, the photographers don't have to bother with live snaps anymore. You could take a photo of Beyonce and run it through Photoshop, changing the colors to whatever occasion she shows up for.

Unlike others, your faithful correspondent does not believe this is a bad dress. It's just the same dress.

Oh, well, at least it wasn't white.

While there is something to be said for a woman her age being able to wear this dress at all, and at least she didn't look insane for a change, Sharon Stone might want wanted to think twice before baring everything:

Lovely nipples, Sharon, but one could have done without knowing exactly what they look like. Was the sex shop out of pasties?

That is it for now. Stay tuned for my Best Dressed!

Ciao, Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Golden Globes 2009: MY Worst Dressed!

DAHLINGS -

I realize that some of my choices will go against the popular grain, but one must be true to oneself, n'cest pas? Some are based not only on the gowns, but the overall presentation as well, which may also be against the popular grain.

First, however, the overwhelming favorite for Worst Dressed At the Golden Globes:
Renee Zellwegger.

She went to her favorite designer, Carolina Herrera.
What on EARTH were they thinking? This looks like an unfinished project on Project Runway! There's the shapeless muslin underbodice (in close-up you can see the stitching that holds it to the skirt); the visible back zipper at the waist; the badly bungled sheer sleeves; the skirt would be all right if the top was not so ill-conceived. The underbodice might even have worked if it had been in a solid color, say indigo blue. One does not like to use the word disaster, because Hurricane Katrina was a disaster. This is merely a very ugly dress. As for Renee's hair, well, it might have worked with something a little less...awful.

Marisa Tomei will not be on this list because at least she was wearing something comfortable and true to herself amidst a bobbing pond of safety.

Anne Hathaway

This brilliant young actress made many Best Dressed lists in this navy Armani gown, but her gaunt appearance is so off-putting, and the dress seems too heavy and to only highlight the fact that she is badly in need of some decent meals. One does hope she is not going the way of Audrey Hepburn, who in her later years wore dresses like this and showed the sharpest collarbones this side of a Wusthof chef's knife.

Olivia Wilde and Eva Longoria

Again, two frighteningly razor-thin actresses who made many of the Best Dressed Lists. The House co-star Wilde opts to go for a fluffy skirt in a dress by Reem Acra, which makes her look like one of those dolls they used to put over toilet paper rolls. (However, on the show she does play a character who might be dieing, so perhaps the producers have put her on reduced rations. Jennifer Morrison, her co-star, looked smashing and quite healthy.)

Eva Longoria also chose Reem Acra for the red carpet, in a mermaid style. One critic said Eva's gown looked as though it had as many Botox treatments as the actress herself; I could not have put it better. Ladies, cover up those stick-like arms!

So that is my list. It might seem a tad short, but so many stars opted for dull over anything else. White, off-white, cream, gray, flesh, champagne...one could get narcolepsy just browsing the photos.

Beyonce looked very nice, even if her body tape showed in many photographs, and Christina Hendrix (Mad Men) showed off her smashing figure in the lovely black number:

I have a slight quibble with how rumpled the neckline looks, but one must keep an open mind.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Oscar Night Marches On!

(Note - this is being transcribed by me, Miss DeCarlo's personal assistant...she threw her Blackberry into the office early this afternoon when she got in, and went straight to bed. If I knock on the door I could get severely hurt. I need a new job...)

DAHLINGS -

Next stop, the Entertainment Weekly magazine party at Elaine's! Now THIS is a soiree! I fit right in. My favorite film critic, Lisa Schwarzbaum, is sitting in the last remnant of lap Harvey Weinstein still has. Can you say 'conflict of interest'?"

Half the casts of all of the various permutations of "Law and Order" are here...of course, I forgot that they film in our dear city. And there is Liev Schrieber, whose Hamlet I am still trying to forget...wasn't he supposed to be at the New York magazine party?

Dear God, I look up at the television monitor to see Randy Newman and James Taylor. Sweet Geezer James always sounds exactly the same, whether he's singing 'Fire and Rain' or Randy's latest piece of Oscar dreck...time for another cocktail, pronto.

There's Chris Noth...be still, my heart (and other parts of my anatomy). He's sitting with one of the hundreds of cast members of "Law and Order."

But our eyes lock, and we move across the crowded room toward each other. It is almost as good as meeting George Clooney. A girl can't have everything, but this is pretty darn close. We watch the monitor as Emily Blunt and Anne Hathaway present Best Costume Design. I think it's rather silly to have extras in the clothes rather than mannequins, and, looking at the corgi onstage, reflect on just how badly Bucky would behave under the circumstances. (Peeing on the Queen would be so low class.)

"Marie Antoinette"?? Is the Academy mad? They will always go for the foo-foo and ruffles over the more sophisticated and realistic designs. My personal choice was 'Dreamgirls,' it brought back so many childhood memories. Not that anyone I knew dressed like that, but I did see them from the limousine window.

I am sorry, but I like Anne Hathaway's dress. I realize that I am in a distinct minority.



Chris Noth smells wonderful...it's quite distracting... (leave that part out, you idiot!)

Every time Ellen Degeneres comes on, she's got one another ugly outfit (she needs Melissa Etheridge's stylist, if not Melissa's make-up person, who made her look like a plastic punk rocker), and somehow seems to leave a hole in the screen. Yes, she's being all shucks-folks-I'm-just-happy-to-be-here. But that is how Rosie O'Donnell used to behave at the Tony Awards, and look how that turned out!

Thank goodness for Jerry Seinfeld...he's funnier in eight minutes than poor Ellen has been all evening. Part of it is that he could not care less. He doesn't need the money or the exposure--wait, I think we have our perfect next Oscar host! Just please, please don't bring back Whoopi Goldberg, or I might have to get a restraining order against the Academy.

Oh, it's time for the "Dreamgirls" song montage! And doesn't Jennifer Hudson look PERFECTLY MAGNIFICENT in that sparkling red dress? You go, girlfriend, as the young people say! Beyonce' has abandoned that mint green monstrosity for some sort of flowing thing, but unfortunately she still has the stage presence of an apple. She can howl like she was on "American Idol" as much as she wants to, but it doesn't make her any less of a Mocha Diva Barbie. Ah, and there's that third girl they made look so goofy in the movie...she obviously laid down the law to the costumer, because she is working some serious bling in that dress. But it's Jennifer all the way. She and Queen Latifah...women with actual BREASTS on the Oscars...oh, and of course Helen Mirren.



Excuse me...Chris wants to have a word in my shell-pink ear...