The Golden Globes 2010: MY Worst Dressed

DAHLINGS -



Sorry this entry is late. But I've been out of my mind with preparations for New York Fashion Week.



However, I was absolutely driven to finish by having the misfortune of happening across a program on E! hosted by the Bride of Riverstein, Bobblehead Girl, Reality Show Slut and Strange Little Blonde Man. Perhaps that may seem harsh, but the way they tore into any unfortunate celebrity who did not wear what they thought proper was simply--words fail one. (You will find most of them on my Dullest Dressed List.) Particularly because Bobblehead Girl was wearing a garish gold minidress with some sort of shoulder-thing that threatened to lop off her head if she turned sideways. As for what the Bride of Riverstein was wearing: silence.



Now, on to your faithful correspondent's Worst Dressed List.

BREAST FOOT FORWARD

First, there is nothing inherently wrong with this dull blue gown, but the buckling at the waist and the dire lack of a foundation garment makes it apparent a wardrobe malfunction is about to happen to Alicja Bachelda.







Speaking of lack of foundation garments, Heidi Klum, of all people, needs a brassiere. Since she so often scolds Project Runway contestants for not putting bras on their models, it seems strange that she decided to go without. Otherwise, it's a perfectly nice dress by Roberto Cavalli.







And again speaking of lack of foundations, why did Halle Berry forget to put a gown on over her slip?







Not to be outdone, Mariah Carey, who looked so lovely at the People's Choice Awards, decided to be the punchline of one million "Golden Globes" jokes with this, er, little number, accessoried by an oiled spray-on tan:







Speaking of bosom overkill, Annalynne McCord's dress not only looks like it is feeling her up, one wouldn't be surprised if those things on the top vibrated when you pressed the right button. (Something to do when the GG's get slow...a self-pleasuring dress.)







"Oh my God, this feels so good."

Photo courtesy of Just Jared





(One supposes one should be grateful that there were female celebrities with breasts there, in any case.)

WHEN THE DRESS WEARS YOU

Kate Hudson decided to wear a bridal gown with very sharp edges. There are rumors she cut off a man's hand while making her way down the red carpet. For some reason when I look at this dress, I think "chassis." And not in a good way.







On the other scale was the widow Jones, who is in deep mourning in Lanvin, although I am not sure for what.







Chloe Sevigny looks as though she was about to be eaten alive by her rose colored Valentino gown, or like a little girl poking her head through a ladies' dress rack. Take your pick. I'm inclined to the first choice, if only for the image of screams after the ceremony and the dress lying flat on the ground, Chloe nowhere to be seen.

"I'm not sure, but I think this thing is moving."

FOLIE AUX DRESS

Julia Roberts was a stand-out for all the wrong reasons. She made many Worst Dressed lists by seeming as if she had just run out of the house without changing her clothes. I hate to be one of the pack, but sometimes...

Elizabeth Moss usually looks lovely at award events, so what is one to make of this washed out, ill-fitting dress? And why won't she pull up her straps?

This dress was widely admired, but watching Toni Collette go to the stage to accept her Best Actress award, it seemed to weigh more than she did, and drags down her beautiful (if thin) figure with its heft.

Anna Paquin's choice was not only garish (particularly up close), but almost made it into the Breast Foot Forward category.

Cameron Diaz has two strikes against her: a strangley immobile, mask-like face and a dress that, when she was onstage, made me think, "cowl cleavage."

Last but hardly least, zombie Nicole Kidman was momentarily enticed from looking for brains to eat for a photo op. Her Nina Ricci dress overwhelms her sticklike figure, as would anything else.

"Me want brains. Paparazzi...so many tasty brains..."

There were any number of pretty, perfectly satisfactory dresses worn by Diane Kruger, Olivia Wilde, and others, but I think I have written enough about the Golden Globes for now. Feel free to comment, but I would prefer if you did not do so anonymously. Have the courage of your convictions. And remember, I am always right.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

The Golden Globes 2010: MY Dullest Dressed!

DAHLINGS -

This edition of the Golden Globes contained so many dull, uninspired, been-there dresses, that I simply had to make a new category: The Snooze Awards. Any one of these dresses could induce ennui, put together they guarantee narcolepsy.

Let's start with something utterly boring, shall we? Jennifer Aniston in a black dress by Valentino. A high slit does not an interesting gown make.



If that weren't dull enough, Glenn Close chose to wear a simple column dress in black by Oscar de la Renta. Oscar, dahling, you let me down. Not to mention that Ms. Close looks like she could out-bench press Colin Farrell.



Courtney Cox prevents excitement from building with another uninspired black dress:



Heather Graham in a dress that is a collision between Jennifer Aniston's Valentino and Glenn Close's Oscar de La Renta. The slicked back hair does not help.



Julianne Moore's Balenciaga is not bad enough to qualify her for Worst Dressed, but it is certainly an ill-conceived snore.



Here's a variation on The LBD (The little boring dress) , a pouf skirt worn by one of the cast members of Glee.



Even the usually fabulous Kate Winslet could not escape the grip of dull, in this dark blue (literally) sleeper by YSL.



Now that we have moved on from black to dark blue, here is a Nina Ricci snoozefest worn by Carey Mulligan (who also needs to hitch it up).



Moving on, here is a lackluster chiffon pink number by Dolce & Gabbana on Emily Blunt.



Even the fact that it is Lanvin does not conceal the fact that Rose Byrne is wearing a dress like thousands of others on the red carpet at any given awards show.



Sophia Loren has recovered from the disaster at the Oscars only to discover quiet good taste. Too bad. I mean, she is Sophia Loren and all.



I couldn't bear to put Jenna Fischer in the Worst Dressed category, this Halston dress isn't that bad. It just isn't that...anything. It's a tad frumpy.



Well, those are the Snooze Awards, in no particular order. Feel free to comment. Just remember that I am always right.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

The Golden Globes 2010: MY Best Dressed!

DAHLINGS -

Of course, this award ceremony was overshadowed by the tragedy in Haiti. So some celebrities showed their support with a ribbon, as usual. This one yellow and red. It was also pouring rain. So the male hands and arms that are on the edges of some pictures are unfortunate NBC employees holding umbrellas to keep the famous dry.

This Best Dressed list is going to be longer than my usual, because I loved so many of the gowns that stood out from the overwhelming blandness. Bear with me.

First, Meryl Streep, who won for "It's Complicated" (co-starring...sigh, Alec Baldwin). Despite searching all over the Web, I could NOT find a full-length picture of her beautiful black gown. So here is the most I could find.



Next, a widely reviled Zac Posen dress worn by Tina Fey. Vintage-lover that I am, I found it winsome, and a nice change from the black dresses she typically wears to award shows.



Next, we have the star of Precious, Gabourey Sidibe. Most designers have no idea how to dress larger lovelies, but Kevin Hall did a marvelous job.



As Reem Acra did with Monique, who won Best Supporting Actress for her work as the abusive mother in Precious. It is a pity you cannot see the beautifully draped back!



And here is Monique standing a wee bit too close to the recently deceased Nicole Kidman, who has no thought but to feast on Monique's brain. (There was a brief scuffle after this photo was taken, and Monique's brain was saved from zombie Nicole.)


"Me want Monique's tasty brain."
"Get away from me, Nicole. You're drooling on my back."

And of course, the ageless Sigourney Weaver, stunning in green:



A surprise to your faithful correspondent was Jane Krakowski, who was simply gorgeous in purple!



And I thought Jane Lynch looked fantastic in a zoot suit on Glee, but she was utterly gorgeous in this ultra-feminine gown:



How could I forget House's Lisa Edelstein? She is always at the top of my list--well, nearly the top this time, Meryl beat out everybody else. Her silver satin dress fits perfectly!



(It's a CRIME that House and Hugh Laurie did not win! DAMN YOU, CABLE!)

But I digress. France's Marion Cottilard took one's breath away in, of course, Dior!



Jennifer Morrison, late of House, exuded movie star glamour in this Louis Antonio gown. Although I am not a fan of ruffles, the way they were used in this dress was precision itself.



Perky little actress Jane Adams was simply adorable in this blue confection:



Christina Hendricks always owns the runway, and once again, she does not fail to do so, showcasing her gorgeous figure in a gown by Christian Siriano. Take that, Gossip Girls!



Thank you, ladies, for reminding us that actresses can still be women in this day and age. Readers, feel free to comment. But bear in mind I am always right.

Coming up next, a list in an entirely new category! The Dullest Dressed!

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Fashion Week Fall 2009 Trims The Fat But Not The Big Macs!

DAHLINGS –

What a week, vénérable mes lecteurs, what a week! On Wednesday your faithful correspondent attended a luncheon at Bergdorf Goodman (one of my beloved childhood department stores…dear darling Mama used to let me play at the fine jewelry counters because she knew how I cherished sparkly things).


The occasion was for the House of Dior, with several top executives there. If you have been following this blog with half an eye, you know my vast love for Dior! The lobster plates and champagne were courtesy of Dior executive Delphine Arnault-Gancia. It was attended by the typical pack of undernourished socialites and a model or two. Thank God I did not have to sit next to Tinsley Mortimer.


Photo of Delphine Arnault-Gancia and Jim Gold
copyright Patrick McMullan


(J'ai presque écrit socialistes, mais c'est le contraire, n'est-ce pas?) I wore a red velvet vintage Dior “spider hat” in honor of the occasion. Lovely how in this dreadful economy we can still look forward to the Dior Spring Line!

Speaking of the appalling economy, Fashion Week Fall 2009 has scaled back to an unprecedented level: fewer runway shows, and top designer names opting for “presentations” instead. It is something like putting live models in department store windows or something like that. They have to freeze in place for hours while fashion editors pluck at them. (cf. my post of January 26 2007 ‘Dead Brazilian Models: A Suggestion’.)

The most shocking development to your faithful correspondent was that menswear designer Duckie Brown has inked a deal with (ugh) McDonalds—speaking of places where never a model has been seen actually eating—holding the food does not count—to produce the show and have a “Mc-Cafe” backstage. So instead of snubbing the fruit bowls, the models can snub Chicken McNuggets. Well, one supposes that when you’re simply not used to ingesting food, an apple is the same thing as a Quarter Pounder With Cheese.

The star power in the front rows has also been considerably dimmed, if my experience is anything to go by. Where hast thou gone, Ashton and Demi? And why are you not missed?

Friday night I passed on the AMFAR benefit (one had quite enough of that sort of thing in Washington, thank you) to go to the actual Mercedes Benz opening party, held at Shang at the Thompson LES. Other than being extremely noisy, it was quite fun. I spotted Christian Siriano (one swears he would easily fit into Bucky’s Gucci dog carrier!).



One dearly wanted to thank the little imp for not being overly snarky on the Golden Globes Fashion Wrap-Up Show. Christian has strong opinions, but not the pure mean streak that many of the other commentators have. That might be because Christian actually has a functional talent in the real world…oh, dear, did I just write that? Mes plus sincères excuses. (Debbie Matenopolous’s dress on that show still baffles me…two, two, two necklines in one!)

Fern Mallis graciously took the stage to thank us all for being there. Things being what they are these days, she should have been grateful anyone was there. Nothing against Fern personally, of course. After all, she is the only woman who is allowed to look faintly normal at Fashion Week, presumably because it is her baby.

Photo of Fern Mallis copyright Patrick McMullan

A very loud band, The Virgins, took the stage, and I hied myself to my limo, along with a handsome waiter I’d met. I think his name might be Jose, or Julio, I can never remember these things. He was gone before daylight, which was the important thing.

There will be a great deal later, including reviews of the shows, but I have been far too busy and I must get some rest. Tomorrow: how Yigal Azrouel rocked my world, and ever so much more!

Here's hoping you all had a joyous Valentine's Day!

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Dateline Washington DC: Michelle Obama's Inauguration Gown

DAHLINGS -

So, Michelle Obama is wearing a glorious ivory one shoulder gown by Jason Wu. (Jason Who? No matter, the entire world will know his name tomorrow.)


Photo by Damon Winter/The New York Times

The only problem with it is that she cannot dance in it, because the new President keeps stepping on the train. But it is so much more beautiful than some of the horrors other designers came up with. For instance, this strange concoction by Betsey Johnson:



The gown is crafted of ivory silk chiffon, embroidered with silver thread and Swarovski crystal rhinestones, with organza accents. The shoulder treatment is rather like a sash, exquisitely feminine and regal. One's only criticism is that it is a tad fussy, but why not on a night like this?



Our new President Barack Obama looks so handsome in his white tie. It suits him ever so much better than those stuffy business suits! Who would have thought we had elected Fred Astaire to the White House, sartorially speaking? Too bad he didn't go the whole route and wear tails, but during this terrible recession, it would have sent the wrong message.



FYI, I'm in a gown by my favorite designer, Oscar de la Renta, in blue and gold silk dupioni, and I am carrying Bucky in a custom-designed matching carrier (lined in absorbent and waterproof material inside. Your faithful correspondent has been around this particular block many times before). My feet are still cold--the Secret Service confiscated the space heater I stole from Dick Cheney at the Inauguration. How could I have slept with that man back in the day? What was I thinking? Oh, well, it was une folie de la jeunesse, and he didn't look quite so evil a few decades ago.

Must dash--I'm here at the Creative Coalition Ball at the Harmon Cultural Center and my nose is most definitely shiny! Actually, Anne Hathaway is bearing down on me with a look in her eye that tells me she read my blogs about the Golden Globes.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

The Three Tomatoes Weigh In On The Golden Globes

DAHLINGS -

On the sidebar you will see a link to The Three Tomatoes, a New York-based newsletter and website for "women who are not kids." Among their contributing writers are food critic Gael Greene and many others.

On their website they have a marvelous selection of photos of, shall we say, more mature actresses, and you are urged to vote for the most glamorous. There were pictures of several actresses I had not seen, including Meryl Streep (stunning!) and Sigourney Weaver (amazing!).

You can find the link at:
http://www.thethreetomatoes.com/reviews.html (you can also click on the title of this blog entry) for their "tomatoes up, tomatoes down" review and vote yourself!

Ciao,
Elisa and Bucky the Wonderdog

Golden Globes 2009: MY Worst Dressed!

DAHLINGS -

I realize that some of my choices will go against the popular grain, but one must be true to oneself, n'cest pas? Some are based not only on the gowns, but the overall presentation as well, which may also be against the popular grain.

First, however, the overwhelming favorite for Worst Dressed At the Golden Globes:
Renee Zellwegger.

She went to her favorite designer, Carolina Herrera.
What on EARTH were they thinking? This looks like an unfinished project on Project Runway! There's the shapeless muslin underbodice (in close-up you can see the stitching that holds it to the skirt); the visible back zipper at the waist; the badly bungled sheer sleeves; the skirt would be all right if the top was not so ill-conceived. The underbodice might even have worked if it had been in a solid color, say indigo blue. One does not like to use the word disaster, because Hurricane Katrina was a disaster. This is merely a very ugly dress. As for Renee's hair, well, it might have worked with something a little less...awful.

Marisa Tomei will not be on this list because at least she was wearing something comfortable and true to herself amidst a bobbing pond of safety.

Anne Hathaway

This brilliant young actress made many Best Dressed lists in this navy Armani gown, but her gaunt appearance is so off-putting, and the dress seems too heavy and to only highlight the fact that she is badly in need of some decent meals. One does hope she is not going the way of Audrey Hepburn, who in her later years wore dresses like this and showed the sharpest collarbones this side of a Wusthof chef's knife.

Olivia Wilde and Eva Longoria

Again, two frighteningly razor-thin actresses who made many of the Best Dressed Lists. The House co-star Wilde opts to go for a fluffy skirt in a dress by Reem Acra, which makes her look like one of those dolls they used to put over toilet paper rolls. (However, on the show she does play a character who might be dieing, so perhaps the producers have put her on reduced rations. Jennifer Morrison, her co-star, looked smashing and quite healthy.)

Eva Longoria also chose Reem Acra for the red carpet, in a mermaid style. One critic said Eva's gown looked as though it had as many Botox treatments as the actress herself; I could not have put it better. Ladies, cover up those stick-like arms!

So that is my list. It might seem a tad short, but so many stars opted for dull over anything else. White, off-white, cream, gray, flesh, champagne...one could get narcolepsy just browsing the photos.

Beyonce looked very nice, even if her body tape showed in many photographs, and Christina Hendrix (Mad Men) showed off her smashing figure in the lovely black number:

I have a slight quibble with how rumpled the neckline looks, but one must keep an open mind.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog