Project Runway's One-Hour Macy's Commercial

DAHLINGS -


I think Tim Gunn dies a little inside every time he has to say, "And use the Macy's accessory wall." Somehow Tim Gunn and Macy's don't seem to belong in the same sentence. (On the other hand, the Tommy Hilfiger New York Fashion Week show was eerily like watching the Macy's Better Sportswear Department take the runway. I mean, a khaki trenchcoat? Yes, yes, designers have to give the buyers what they want, but how much effort does it take to be that unoriginal?)


This week's challenge was to design two looks for Macy's in-house brand, INC, using only the color blue. Moreover, the designers had to split into teams of two. All ten designers had to pitch their ideas to a Macy's executive (who was also one of the judges), and she chose the top five, who could then pick their partners. Team challenges are obviously even more stressful that the regular challenges, plus for some reason, the designers are continuously being forced to come up with their looks in one day. What is this, Survivor? Are they going to make Nicolas eat bugs??


Althea chose Logan as her partner (and despite his chemistry with Carol Hannah, they did seem to make a love connection as they worked). Christopher chose Epperson, and they got along very well, so they did not get a lot of a camera time. Louise chose Nicolas, which was not a good idea. The man hates ruffles. Despises ruffles. Wishes ruffles had never been invented. And if memory serves, everything Louise has sent down the runway has been a little shift dress decorated with--you guessed it--ruffles.


Irina chose Gordana for her partner, and they did not get along. Let's just say they made Louise and Nicolas look like they were on The Bachelor. I can't remember how Carol Hannah and Shirin made out (pardon the pun), so they were probably too boring to log much footage other than B-roll.


Christopher and Epperson fell madly in love with their creations, while Nicolas obviously wanted to set fire to the two hideous dresses he and Louise designed. Surprise! Little dresses with ruffles! Really bad ruffles this time. It's the same when somebody cooks when they're angry--the food tastes awful.

Then came the judging--and the Duchess himself, Michael Kors was BACK! Looking as orange as a ripe Halloween pumpkin, and twice as bitchy. (Oui, it's a bit of a stretch to say a pumpkin can be bitchy, but I've known some nasty root vegetables in my time.) The other judges were Heidi, the Macy's exec, and some female fashion editor who was not Nina Garcia. This is getting truly tiresome. However, Heidi's bloodlust level has gone up every week, and she was practically slobbering at the thought of ripping a designer a new one. She clearly loved intoning "One--or more--of you will be out," since she said it twenty times during the episode, probably even when she was not on-camera.


As for the looks, this was one of the most uninspired runway shows of the season. Perhaps Project Runway should concentrate less on sleep-depriving the designers and give them some interesting challenges for a change.

Team Irina turned out an uninspired maxi dress that, with exception of some spangles on the top, looked like thousands of maxi dresses I've seen in New York and East Hampton this year.

Gordana designed a beautiful draped top with a ruched waist, despite Irina constantly shooting down her ideas.

Team Althea produced a suit with a skirt that was so tight it rode up as the model walked.

As mentioned, Team Louise produced the closest thing to vomit on the runway that I've seen yet.

Team Carol Hannah turned out a strange loopy-loooking blue blouse with a high waisted skirt, and a tunic top with leggings.

Team Christopher was devastated by the judges' sheer hatred of Epperson's shiny shirtdress and Christopher's teal-blue tunic top with a banded bottom over the leggings. When they were in the bottom three (obviously with Team Louise), Epperson was aghast, but Christopher completely lost it. Sobbing like Bette Davis during both the initial and final critique.

Christopher's tears probably saved his hide, as only one--not more--of the designers were out. And it was, of course, Louise who got auf'd. Just once, I'd like to see one of the designers bite Heidi when she's kissing them on the cheeks. Christopher ran bawling off the stage.

Irina's looks-like-everyone-else's maxi dress won the challenge. As a friend I was watching this with said, "Where is the site that I can go to for WTF was on the runway?"

I could not have said it better myself. Thank you, Sumana.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Project Runway Season Six: Morons Of The Runway

DAHLINGS -

As I mentioned in my previous post, Project Runway has definitely had an effect on my perception of fashion. I keep having this strange deja vu that the NYFW runway shows all have looks I've seen on PR. Maybe it's sheer exhaustion.

However, I did watch Project Runway in the middle of the night sometime this past week, so forgive me if this summary has less precision than usual.

The challenge for the designers was to dress their models for "an industry event." The models became clients, and quickly demonstrated why their greatest skill is walking. One model ran a string of completely unrelated adjectives to describe what she wanted to her stunned designer. I think punk was in there somewhere, and perhaps ethereal.

When my new BFF Tim Gunn told Qrystil that her brown/black dress looked like it had "rolled around in bed," she panicked and pulled all of the brown fabric off, making a dull black dress. "Use some brown trim!" I yelled at the plasma, startling Bucky, who was dozing at my side. I knew she was doomed.

(Off topic: is there any chance Jay Leno might die? Everyone else is. He's the right age. Beg your pardon, a random thought.)

Christopher sent a cute bright green dress down the runway, and R'amon's dress was sweet, except for the huge corsage in the front. If the model turned her head sideways too fast, she could get a nasty paper cut on her face. Logan had to try to make a lacy 50s dress but it came out a "hot mess," as they say.

My favorite outfits were Epperson's brown stretch dress, and Nicolas's white fitted dress. However, Althea won for a stiff three-piece suit with a diaper skirt. Qrystil got the auf for her black dress, even though Johnny's purple satin looked like it had been sewn in the dark.

Where is Michael Kors?

One gathers that the follow-up, Models of The Runway, had the models wearing their creations to said industry event. Yawn.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Project Runway Season Six: Surf's Up, Standards Down

DAHLINGS –

Is it moi, or has Heidi Klum completely lost whatever taste she had now that Project Runway is in Los Angeles? For the runway show, she emerged in a black dress so tight you could see her caesarian scars, with a strange sort of blingy yarn thing at the neck. And once again Michael Kors was nowhere to be seen, replaced this week by Max Azria. (Mr. Azria’s every utterance was subtitled, as if he were speaking pidgin English. Strange, but there were so many strange moments in this episode!)

This week the designers were carted to the beach. The first truly strange moment: they were met by the unreal vision of Tim Gunn wearing flips-flops! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…

Excuse me. Ahem.

The challenge was to make a fun surfer look. Several surfer babes stood around to talk to the designers about what they like in swimwear. Not surprisingly one surfer girl says she likes clothing that reminds her of the water. Thank you, Ms. Noam Chomsky.

However, the designers had to work in teams. When the dust cleared, or should I say the sand, the teams were: Shirin and Carol Hannah, Logan and Christopher, Nicolas and Gordana, Mitchell and Ra’mon, Althea and Louise, Qristyl and Epperson, and Johnny and Irina.

Ra’mon justifiably felt like he was being thrown under a bus, working with the man who’d been in the Bottom Two twice and was now embracing the role with gusto, from what I could see. (I had seen from the first that Mitchell was a yellow-toothed moron.)

The surfer challenge seemed simple enough, even though working in teams went against the grain of nearly every designer. The most disastrous combination, in terms of personal chemistry, was Epperson and Qristyl. They both have odd names, shouldn’t they have got along?

Interestingly, I found Epperson overbearing and insulting, while my male viewing companion felt Qristyl was, to put it inelegantly, a “bitch.” One kept hoping she’d grab his dreads and pull them and him into a large pressing machine, but it didn’t happen.

Shirin and Carol Hannah made sweet love, as did Althea and Louise; in other words, most of the designers were barely on camera because they were getting along. Not dramatic enough for reality television, you know.

Then, as happens on Project Runway, the designers were thrown another challenge: create an Avante-Garde look to accompany the surfer look. Everybody promptly fell apart, but the camera concentrated on Ra’mon. Then when Tim came through the workroom, he made it clear that Ra’mon’s wetsuit-inspired look was a hideous mistake. So at the last minute, Ra’mon grabbed some bright yellow neoprene, dyed some of it dark green, and sewed it into a mini-dress that to my taste was rather bizarre. Where was Team Leader Mitchell during all of this, you ask? Wandering around the workroom calling the other designers “bitches.” White boy, your ass is grass from where we sit.

And so it was. To be perfectly honest, none of the various looks stick in my mind, even after looking at pictures of them!

Althea’s design was not Avant-Garde, it was more Viva Las Vegas:

Nicolas’s design could be called the Dark Underbelly of Viva Las Vegas. Really, could it get any sleazier? (Unfortunately, the full impact is lost in the photo--you can't see the strings tying the stockings together between her bare legs.)

Carol Hannah’s design seemed a bit more on the right track, if dull. (However, I love blue in any form.)

Now this is the first surprise: Ra’mon won for his strange neoprene dress! How incredibly bizarre.

Did Heidi really say “I would wear that”? As I said, her taste has disappeared. However, I felt glad for the dear boy, he went through so much.

The second surprise was that his partner, Mitchell, got the boot. The first time a designer from the WINNING team has been auf’ed! But faithful readers, he was asking for it. And if he wasn’t asking for it, every viewer in America was.

One hopes he got some dental work when he got home. Crest Whitestrips, perhaps?

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Project Runway Pregnancy Chic: Malvin Lays An Egg

DAHLINGS –

Finally, Project Runway has one of their few real-life challenges! And as always, when confronted with real life and a real woman’s body, most of the designers are utterly flummoxed.

Actress/model Rebecca Romjin (Ugly Betty), heavily pregnant, is the inspiration for the challenge: Pregnancy Chic. Rebecca and Heidi pretend to like each other. But one can feel the evil model vibes shooting between them despite their faux camaraderie. The designers are specifically told to design a form-fitting outfit for Ms. Romjin. Who knew her last name was pronounced like the lettuce? Not moi.

When they go into the workroom, each designer is given a pregnancy pillow to tie to their mannequins. Gordana, who has actually been pregnant, has to give the others instructions on where the pillows go. Straight, personality-challenged Logan remarks, “Pregnant woman—that’s really not my deal.” Good thing he has not reproduced.

Basically, the challenge turns most of the designers into complete drooling idiots, which is why this episode is a lot of fun to watch. I only wish the show spent more time in the workroom! Perhaps it is because there are so many designers still designing they simply don’t have the camera time. But I want to get to know Qristyl and Nicolas better. Nicolas seems quite droll. Someone it would be fun to have a cocktail with.

Malvin, who feels his designs are “ineffable,” whatever that means, decides to go with a highly-conceptual garment symbolizing a mother hen and her egg. And yes, it is truly as ghastly as that sounds. Tim managed to keep from vomiting on camera when he first saw it in the workroom. There was that rough linen fabric, the egg-sling-thing, feathers here and there: thank GOD Malvin was talked out of jodphurs!

It's Fetus-In-A-Bag! With A Side Flap For Your Laptop!

I’m certain Michael Kors also said, “Pregnant woman—that’s really not my deal.”

He was replaced by designer Monique Lhuillier. Along with Nina, Heidi and Rebecca, the the panel was pure estrogen. Heidi warned the designers that the entire panel had been pregnant. Whether she meant that they had particular expertise or that their hormones were raging that day, one doesn't really know.

Evidently most of the designers had never seen a pregnant woman. For instance, it did not occur to them to pad the anorexic models’ breasts to match the enormous stomachs sailing before them, like prows on a badly made ship. However, some did markedly better than others.

Gordana drew on her experience for this sexy navy top and pants.


Shirin went for the gold by creating an amazing draped and tucked burgundy dress, with a stunningly lined coat. She was the clear winner. This photo does not do her outfit justice.

Althea’s dress was very pretty and flattering, but struck your faithful correspondent as somewhat bland. We’ve seen it before. And a pregnant woman's breasts--almost any woman's breasts--would never stay in those cups without several rolls of body tape.

On the losing side, R’amon created what another designer called “a bowling-ball bag.” It was meant to be slimming, but instead it proclaimed for several city blocks, “I’m wearing a HUGE pregnancy pillow!" And the construction...er, one could call it construction...

Mitchell created an atrocious, too-tight, badly made shorts and sweater set, and yet he was not auf’ed. This is something your faithful correspondent does not understand. Ordinarily, poor dressmaking is on the bottom rung of the Project Runway critique, and Mitchell has now sent two hideous, poorly constructed messes down the runway. We were praying that he would get Heidi’s stiletto boot.

However, he got let off with a stern warning from Heidi: "Up your game or I will rip out your jugular with my perfect white teeth, scum."

Malvin got auf’ed. Not to say that his outfit had any redeeming qualities; in fact, it looked like an alien baby was growing in that fetus sling. But I had thought his hair, misspelled name and general bizarreness would keep him on the program.

However, as one of my viewing companions pointed out, “Clinically depressed white boy trumps no-affect Asian.” And yes, Malvin was preternaturally calm. Even during his exit interview, he seemed to be gently tranquilized. He muttered that his designs were "too conceptual for America."

I must get the name of his doctor.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Project Runway Season Six Premiere!

DAHLINGS –

I spent much of the past day trying to think of a title incorporating a pun on “meth.” Such as “Television’s Best Meth-ed” or “Making A Meth Of Things.” But one has one’s standards, and hence the title.

This refers to Johnny S., who spends much of the program (pardon the pun) proclaiming that he’s a recovering addict, having a meltdown because he’s a recovering addict, manning up to face the challenge because he’s a recovering addict, etc. It makes for some decent drama. In fact, he has a sweet scene with the ever-loveable Tim Gunn, who helps Johnny face his fears and man up. Who knew Tim was an abuse counselor as well as a fabulous man about town? What hat does this man not wear?

The new, shiny, postponed Season Six of Project Runway has everything the old Bravo Project Runway had going for it. And more sophisticated cinematography; obviously the Los Angeles influence. Sixteen designers are competing for the usual, you know the drill, mes chers amis.

The other Los Angeles influence seems to be a disproportionate amount of young, attractive designers. For instance, Carol Hannah Whitfield, a 24-year-old Southern blonde, who says “I'm not expected to have qualities like, uh, intelligence, or…lost my train of thought.” There is another vacuous blonde, Althea, and the obligatory young man with weird hair (and a deliberately misspelled name: Malvin). At first, Christopher Straub annoys with his stylistic quirk: large baseball hats worn at an angle, which give him the look of one of those “cute” little boys in 1950s sitcoms.

However, this is definitely the most multicultural mix since the series began. The tall gentleman with the dreads goes by the single name of Epperson.

From left: Malvin, Shirin, some guy, Carol Hannah, some other guy, Epperson, Mitchell with his mouth (thankfully) closed.

Ariel is the obligatory free spirit, who doesn’t sketch. This is how she creates (which is appropriate, because her dress looked like it had been pulled from her butt, pardon my non-french).

The designer who got on my nerves the most was Mitchell, who has huge yellow teeth. For some reason, whenever he was on camera all I could see were those dirty-butter colored Chiclets. Of course I immediately warmed to Qristyl, who described her style as not plus-size, but “plus sexy.” A woman after my own heart.

The challenge was to create a red-carpet look. As on the All-Star challenge, the same judges were in attendance: Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and Heidi Klum. The guest judge was…Lindsay Lohan.

Lindsay Lohan, who is even more D-List than most of the runway audience of The Fashion Show.

The real surprise was that she had intelligent comments about the designs. Who would have thought she was capable of forming complete sentences?

Johnny's design was terrible, and the comments it elicited all ran along the lines of: "If I imagine this as a completely different dress, it would be beautiful." Oh, well, at least he didn't get auf'd. He would have been on the street scoring in no time. The members of my viewing party thought that Malvin would get the boot, because he sent the model down the runway basically naked with a thin blanket of flesh-colored chiffon over her. But no; his hairdo evidently saved him.

The other surprise was that Ariel, who seemed goofy enough to keep around for a while, got auf'd for her truly horrendous design. Usually, goofiness trumps ability on Project Runway.
Christopher won for a fairly ordinary dress.

But I noticed that R'amon Lawrence's dress is the one they copied for sale. Somehow, that switcharound is also tres Los Angeles.

And the beat goes on.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

A Fabulous Fashion Dude Thinks I'm Fabulous!

DAHLINGS -

We interrupt our coverage of Project Runway to toot our own horn! Wilbur Pack Jr., an incredibly talented fashion designer, wrote a blog entry about moi in his blog, "I Am Fabulous: A Black FashionDude's Odyssey"!

Here is the link:
http://iamfabulous-ablackfashiondudesodyssey.blogspot.com/

We met last February, at a benefit for the McClellan Cooper Foundation (which featured Korto Momolu's runway show, chronicled in this blog). I first spotted his sister in an astounding denim evening dress. When I gasped, "Where did you get that dress," she indicated the tall, handsome man next to her and replied, "My brother designed it."

A model, Wilbur Pack, and his sister (both dresses SKWilbur designs)

I am overcome, simply overcome. So you can look out for moi in the coming months in one of Wilbur Pack's creations! (And do go to his website, http://skwilbur.com/to see his latest line of colorful sportswear!)

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Project Runway's All Star Challenge: Keeping Chris March Awake

DAHLINGS --

I am still reeling from three solid hours of Project Runway. (Models Of The Runway held no interest for me, sorry.) My viewing party was a smashing success, not at least because I had the bartender put double shots in the mojitos. After The Fashion Show, it was good to watch interesting people who know what they are doing. Competence is the new black.

Because my weekend schedule is ridiculously busy and I don’t trust my assistant to type this up properly from my notes, I shall have to dictate this blog-thing in sections over the weekend. My deepest apologies; one would have liked to go at it all in one big bash.

The All-Star Challenge was so reassuring. Not because of the designers, but because it took place in NEW YORK! There were Tim Gunn and a massively pregnant Heidi Klum (will she ever stop reproducing?) on the roof with champagne, there was our beloved Mood Fabrics in the Garment District, and the overwhelming amount of product placement. At one point in the program, two of the male designers were sitting on their beds with large piles of bright green Garnier products in front of them. We never did find out why. Lotion, perhaps?

The Bluefly.com Accessory Wall is now the Macy’s Accessory Wall. I have no idea if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Dear Darling Mama used to take moi to Macy's as a wee one.

However, it was annoying that various Lifetime personalities kept appearing during the breaks in essence to announce, "You're watching Lifetime! Ha hah! We won! We got Project Runway! Bite me, Bravo!" And there was a large lump in the lower right hand of the screen, counting down the minutes to the official season premiere. I'm not sure why this seemed so deeply insulting, but I do know how to tell time.

The website reads, “Eight of your favorite designers,” which actually means, “Many were asked, few accepted.” Laura Bennet and Christian Siriano, for example, declined to appear. But it did not matter to moi. My beloved Chris March was there, and Santino Rice in all his alienating egomaniacal madness. And how wonderful to see Korto Momolu, whom I had the immense pleasure of meeting during last February’s Fashion Week.


Neckthing, aka Jeffrey Sebalia, now has a mustache ala Sam Elliot in a Hallmark Western TV-movie, and has become an untalented musician in his spare time. (His girlfriend makes Patty Smith sound melodic.)

The prize was $100,000 in cash. One could hear the saliva hitting the floor when the prize was announced. It was presented as a “multilayered challenge,” which sounded rather like Amway. Or Isagenics. The designers had to create three looks in record time, including a runway dress for Nicole Kidman to wear to the premiere of her new movie “Nine.”

It was extremely cheap for a show with such an unlimited budget to show Ms. Kidman on tape rather than live. One can report that her face is still strangely frozen, which makes her smile rather frightening.

At Mood and in the workroom, Uli Herzner and Sweet P made the unfortunate discovery that they were separated at birth. Same fabric choices, same taste, the only significant difference was Uli’s pronounced lack of tattoos. Throughout the show, Uli kept trying to vaporize Sweet P with her laser-like glare, but it didn’t work. Santino laughed incessantly (and loudly), trash-talked the other contestants, and in general behaved like the man you love to hate. And he knows it.

Chris March's workroom look was stunning, a 40's inspired plaid jacket with a huge square collar. Tim loved what Chris was doing, as did I. Although throughout the show, including during the model casting, Chris kept falling asleep. This is worrisome. Does he have sleep apnea? It was presented humorously, but I can't help being concerned. If you're reading this, my dear Chris March, do see a doctor!

(It could have been narcolepsy, but he wasn't watching The Fashion Show.)

More later, dear readers -

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Project Runway Unveils A Surprise: CHRIS MARCH!

DAHLINGS -

As we all know, Project Runway returns to the airwaves late in August. And then we can officially forget The Fashion Show ever existed. Sorry, Isaac, but indifference is the new black.

However, Internet chatter has it that the week before the actual "lost" season airs, Project Runway will have an All-Star Challenge, with my utterly adorable Chris March! I am beside myself, dahlings. The man can do no wrong in my eyes.



Also returning will be the immortal Santino, who I am sure will be doing his amazing Tim Gunn imitation at the drop of a fedora. Apparently Christian Siriano and Laura Bennett declined to return. Their loss, say I.



Your faithful correspondent does not know how the challenge will work yet, but will keep my professional snoop's nose to the ground (I'd do it myself but I don't like bending over. It's so undignified). In the meantime, here's a challenge for you: who is more airbrushed in this picture?



Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Project Runway Returns--On Lifetime And Los Angeles!

DAHLINGS -

My deepest apologies for not reporting this sooner, but I have been buried in creativity. However, there is important news this morning:

Project Runway is returning to television!

The warring parties have settled their differences, and Project Runway will air for the next six seasons on Lifetime. Starting with the lost Season Six, of course.





















There is also to be a spinoff series, entitled Models Of The Runway. (Yes, we need yet another modeling competition show. Pardon me while I gag.) The Weinstein Company is paying NBC Universal for the right to move Project Runway to Lifetime. And (pardon me while I gag again) Los Angeles, land of the lost.

While part of me is delighted (if nothing else, for the opportunity to make fun of the contestants), another part is quite worried about the move to Los Angeles. While much of the original team, including Michael Kors and Heidi Klum are still onboard, they have filmed guest judge spots with...
Christina Aguilera?
Eva Longoria Parker?

Whatever level of good taste the show once might have had seems destined to be covered over by the Los Angeles smog. At least the Season Six designers can come out of hiding. One wonders if they've been holed up at that fancy hotel all of this time?

Season Six starts airing this summer--viewers, start your DVRs!

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog