DAHLINGS -
There was simply
so much to choose from at the
2010 Grammy Awards, even allowing for the greater freedom and creativity in dress that such an occasion affords. Here, in no particular order, are my
Worst Dressed.
I cannot decide which is less flattering, the front
or the back of
Rihanna's Elie Saab dress. Not only does the top look like a feather pillowcase exploded in the singer's vicinity, but the below-the-waist draping says, "Could my hips and butt look any larger? And my head look any tinier? I don't
think so." There was no photo of the draping in the back, but these photos should suffice:
If that were not bad enough,
Rihanna wore this, er, explosion of color at another point in the evening. Somehow those huge puffs remind me of children playing with colored tissue paper in random manner:
Katy Perry claimed she was channeling
Betty Page that evening, but
Betty would have second thoughts about wearing this dress. This also looks like a child's do-it-yourself project, with stuck-on glitter flowers on it. Also, one gets tired of women wearing
Ms. Page's signature hairdo. There must be
some other iconic pin-up out there we simply haven't gotten to yet!
And later on,
Ms. Perry put her breast foot forward with this mismatched gown:
What can one say about
Ke$ha? Well, I can say I have
no idea who she is, but she looks more stoned than
Amy Winehouse. And that, my dears, is an accomplishment! She probably bought her dress at
Ricky's costume department, and the gold makeup does not a hangover hide.
Even though I
adored Lady Gaga's red carpet look, I thought at first this was
Marilyn Manson's big comeback. Not only that, this is the first time I've seen
three camel toes.
Not to be mean spirited, but
Jennifer Lopez's strange
Versace dress looks like she collided with cheap white plastic fencing at
Home Depot while wearing a metallic mini:
(Oh, dear, now I sound like that
Little Blond Man in the black sequined disco jacket and jeans...as if he had
any business telling someone else how to dress. But he is slightly more tasteful than the
Bride of Riverstein.)
Now, I have mixed feelings about criticizing this woman who apparently calls herself
Snooki. On the one hand, she is on one of the
worst shows on television,
Jersey Shore. I wanted to gouge my eyes out after fifteen minutes. Thank God I summer in the Hamptons.
On the other hand, this cheap little dress
does celebrate her curves, even with those strange booties. But, cheapness overcomes overweaning self-love. Sorry,
Snooki.
Beyonce wore her usual silhouette, this time awkwardly constructed, with boxy shoulders and in an unflattering color.
Ashanti achieved the feat of wearing two dresses at once.
As did
Kristine Elazaj.
And
Celine (gack)
Dion proves that yes, it
is possible to have a dress made almost entirely of eye crud.
Britney Spears...ah, poor
Britney. Bad enough the press won't leave her alone, but she didn't have time to dress. So she threw a large piece of mosquito netting over a black bathing suit. Hope it wasn't too awkward when she had to go to the ladies room.
Inspired,
Ciara decided to wear a more upscale version of this look, with every single piece of black trim they carry at
Project Runway's Mood Fabrics:
There to shill her latest rom-com was
Kristen Bell, who was nearly strangled by her dress whenever she stumbled.
Zombie
Nicole Kidman was there, in black as befits the undead. However, it wasn't bad enough to get her on either list. She arrived with husband
Keith Urban, who looked terrified that his bride would try to eat his brains. He tried to steer
Nicole toward
Ryan Seacrest, but
Mr. Seacrest saw it coming and was wearing a wreath of garlic.
Finally, I do not know who this
Janet Jackson lookalike is, but she had to make the list in this dress that looks like a crumpled gray paper bag.
Feel free to make comments, but do remember that I am always right.
Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
